Gemini North Node people feel a tremendous need for freedom
in this incarnation. If this drive is prompting them to meet new
people, it is healthy for them and will result in an increase in their
vitality. However, if the urge for freedom is based on listening to
their “freedom tapes” or running away from the challenge of
connecting with others, the result will be restlessness and
loneliness.
When others “push their buttons” and upset these folks, their
reaction is to turn off completely and retreat to their “mountaintop.”
They feel it makes them weak to connect with people, and
subconsciously they fear being deeply understood by another
person. Also, it’s frustrating for them to go through the work of
sharing their truths. Although truth comes all too easily to them,
they have great difficulty translating it for others in a way that can
be understood and appreciated.
Since Gemini North Node people are learning how to listen to
others, asking questions is a good habit for them. Being a good
listener is all about asking questions and being interested in the
other person’s life; when these folks are engaged in this process,
they are happy and peaceful. They have a fear of deeply, genuinely
connecting with others; but when they do it, the feelings of
acceptance and completion are deeply satisfying. They can
reconnect with the tranquility they worked so hard to attain in past
lives.
For success in close relationships, they need to start by admitting
they have been in a “cocoon.” They need to rise above fear and
declare their intention: that they want to come out of the cocoon to
connect with the other person—not only on the level of hopes and
dreams, but also fears and doubts. Then when they reveal
themselves in conversation, they can truly be honest. They will not
just share their buoyant, optimistic outlook about the way things
should be—they will share how life really is for them on a day-today basis and talk about their own challenges. Being receptive to
others can really help them achieve victories in their daily lives that
they could never have accomplished alone.
COMMITMENT
Most of these folks want to “settle down” in a permanent,
committed marriage relationship, but one part of them
simultaneously fears this kind of permanence. They want to be free
to grow and change, move around, and do different things. If they
could connect with another person who has the same temperament,
they might have the best of both worlds. But if they enter a
relationship that limits their freedom, it generally doesn’t work out.
Gemini North Node people do not relate easily to the word
“commitment” in their relationships. What they are committed to is
the thread of Truth and harmony within themselves. They do not
want their philosophy tampered with, and they are not sure how to
become fully committed to another person without merging their
beliefs. They feel their truths are what make them who they are.
However, they can live with a person of dissimilar beliefs as long as
both people are open and accepting of each other’s philosophies.
These folks are also reluctant to do anything that limits their
interactions. They are learning how to relate and how to reintegrate
themselves into society, and they need to experience a lot of
different people in order to expand their awareness of how to do
this. They want to bring the awareness of Truth and that feeling of
inner harmony into society, and to expand that thread of continuity
to include others. As they “practice” with different people in
different situations, they gain more confidence in their ability to
maintain their own inner happiness while interacting with others.
Then they can allow people to get closer, because they know they’ll
be able to maintain their harmony.
Thus, for Gemini North Node people, entering a committed
relationship can take longer because they lose their inner sense of
peace if they go too deep, too quickly. Marriage or a commitment
that would restrict them from interacting with others is actually
counterproductive to their larger goals. They need a partner who
supports their need to move through society. They need a lot of “in
the field” experience to fully manifest their potential. This does not
mean that monogamy is counterproductive for them—it is the need
to interact mentally with a variety of different people that must not
be limited.
Of all the “tricksters” in their subconscious, the one that most
often sabotages relationships for Gemini North Node people is the
tendency to assume. When they act without gathering facts or
sharing information with others, they set themselves up for
disappointment. When in doubt, they need to talk to the other
person and listen without judgment. When they assume others know
that “all is well,” they often get into trouble. When they check
things out on a daily basis—finding out how the other person is and
giving information about how they are—they will be much happier.
To experience successful relationships, they must go out of their
way to keep the lines of communication open.
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
When these folks are in a relationship, they tend to assume that
others know what they are feeling and experience what they are
experiencing. For example, I had a client who spent an absolutely
beautiful, perfect night with a man. He never contacted her
afterwards, and she assumed that he had experienced something
different than she did. But the fact is, she doesn’t know! There
could have been a hundred reasons why he didn’t call her: He may
have lost her phone number; he may have been in another
relationship that he hadn’t completed; something may have come up
that he had to take care of first and then he felt embarrassed to call
after so long; or her conclusion may have been correct. But her best
bet would have been to pick up the phone, ask him how his life was
going, share with him how much she enjoyed the evening, and find
out why he didn’t call her. These folks need to apply some of their
faith in positive outcomes and take charge of creating positive
results in their own lives.
When they’re in a relationship, Gemini North Node people often
don’t call the other person for extended periods of time. If they’re
going through anything negative or are unsure of something in their
life, they don’t want to get in touch because they don’t want to have
to say: “Actually, my boyfriend just left me,” or “They took my
credit cards away.” They want to wait until they’ve “got it together”
so they can share the positive—they don’t want to communicate
when they’re not at their best.
Naturally, a lot of people interpret this lack of communication as
a lack of interest. These folks have lost in many a romantic
relationship due to lack of communication, when the other person
assumes they aren’t interested and gets involved with someone else.
If they are truly interested in maintaining a relationship, they cannot
assume the other person knows that “all is well.” They need to pick
up the phone or send a card on a regular basis to maintain the
connection. If they are going through a period of doubt or
uncertainty, they could communicate that: “Well, I hesitated to call
you because I’m not ready to see you right now. I need to complete
some things in my life, but I wanted to let you know I’m thinking
about you and I wanted to see how you’re doing.”
If there’s a misunderstanding, these folks need to take
responsibility for straightening it out. They might also find it
helpful to alert others to potential problems: “Sometimes I don’t
heat what people say because my mind jumps ahead. If you think I
haven’t understood you, please let me know because I want to
communicate clearly with you.” Gemini North Node people can be
thinking something and assume it has been understood by other
people. It’s a shock to these folks to find out that the way they
interpret the world is not the way everyone else interprets it. It’s
essential for them to double-check with others and be conscious of
verbalizing what is on their minds. If they tactfully make others
aware of their various thoughts and ideas, they will find their
relationships shifting in new and positive ways.
When Gemini North Node people take the time to accurately
share their point of view about their own personal experiences,
others are deeply moved. As a result, Gemini North Node people
experience the joy of acceptance and empathy. When they share
things without having to be “right” or prove a point, the results will
be heartfelt. To reach others on a soul level, they must speak the
truth about what they are experiencing.
For example, I had a client with this nodal position whose
girlfriend made some unexpected charges against one of his credit
cards at a clothing store. He confronted her, and even though he
already knew it involved clothes, he wanted her to confess what she
had spent the money on. When she said “household items,” he
became so obsessed with making her tell him the truth that she
ended the relationship. These folks hate lies, and they tend to
respond with self-righteous indignation when they think they have
been lied to. However, in this case the man’s response was also not
the truth. He should have said: “There’s something I’d like to
discuss that’s very important to me. I found some unexpected
charges on my credit card, so I checked to see if there had been a
mistake. There were three credit slips for clothing with your
signature on them. You know I’ve always been generous—I want
you to have nice clothes—but I feel hurt and betrayed because you
didn’t ask before using my credit card.”
Then, from that honesty, the next level of truth could have
emerged. By putting forth the facts and his honest feelings, he
would have opened himself to see her character more accurately.
Either she would have changed to be in greater ethical alignment
with him, or he would have seen that she was an inappropriate
partner for an intimate relationship. These folks have to give others
a chance to grow ethically. They can open space for this only by
being willing to act with integrity themselves—honestly revealing
their feelings instead of trying to force the other person to be
truthful.
Gemini North Node people have a strong resistance to other
people’s “truth”—especially the people they deal with on a daily
basis. This can be one of the reasons why people feel they have to
lie to them—these folks may not really want to hear what is going
on with the other person. But their disinclination to listen can result
in painful misunderstandings with those they care about most.
Even though they say they want “the truth,” they become upset
when others tell them. But if they don’t really want to listen to the
truth, it will have the effect of encouraging people to lie to them. No
one wants to be “made wrong,” and these folks can be so selfrighteous about who is right and who is not that others don’t want to
be around them.
Gemini North Node people are learning to value happy rapport
with others above the compulsive pursuit of philosophical Truth.
This also requires that they suspend judgment. When these folks
judge another person, they are not taking into account the other
person’s code of ethics. To understand this person better, these folks
need to ask questions: “What did you study in school? What was
your first job?” These folks have a tendency to see things so much
in the present that they assume people’s lives have always been the
same—yet it’s fascinating to them when others share what brought
them to their present circumstances.
If they are seeking “truth”—or factual accuracy—from another
person, they should always be very clear with themselves first about
their own motive. Is it to learn about the other person and help that
person reveal himself or herself more clearly? Or is their motive to
“be right”? If their underlying motive is to listen, they will win; if
their motive is to be right, they will lose.
Gemini North Node people must grant others equality if they
want them to communicate honestly. And honesty evolves—it
doesn’t necessarily happen in the first few encounters. As these
folks allow people the space to become more honest with
themselves, the honesty they are seeking will emerge. In personal
relationships, they need to communicate how important honesty is
to them in a constructive way that does not alienate the other
person. For example, they could begin in subtle but clear ways: “We
have more fun when we are honest with each other than we do
when we are trying to deceive each other. Honesty brings us closer
together and helps us accept each other.”
If these folks force themselves to give someone a yes or no
answer when actually there’s a conflict going on in their own minds,
whatever they say will be a lie because the truth is that they haven’t
found the answer yet. So the “answer”—and the correct thing to
communicate to the other person—is that they can see two
alternatives and don’t know which one to choose. Once the other
person understands this, the Gemini North Node person can
experiment with one path and keep the option to choose the other if
it doesn’t work out.
For example, I had a client with this nodal position who was
offered the choice of working in an office or at home. She wanted
the peace and solitude of working at home but was afraid that if she
didn’t go to the office her level of productivity might drop. She
needed to tell her boss exactly what she told me: “I would like to
work at home, and keeping my productivity level high is very
important to me. So I would like to experiment with working at
home, and if my productivity level drops, I would like to come back
to the office.”
In this incarnation, it’s perfectly fine for Gemini North Node
people to change their minds. They were not allowed to do this in
past lives, so they have a sense that they are supposed to say: “This
is the way it is.” But now they are learning to see more options, and
as they get more information they will naturally alter their course to
take advantage of the new input.
So when these folks express their decision (or their opinion at the
moment) they should try not to present their views too rigidly, so
that they have the option of changing their minds. Instead of saying:
“This is incorrect and it’s always going to be incorrect,” it’s better if
they say: “This is incorrect. I might change my mind, but this is the
way it appears to me now.” Their views may change, so it’s okay
for these folks not to have a final answer.
Gemini North Node people have the karma of connecting with a
variety of different people: nerds, jocks, high school dropouts,
college graduates. The people they get involved with are a mixed
bag. Sometimes they wonder who their “type” is because they relate
on a surface level with all these various people! When they gain a
greater sense of their spiritual identity and figure out how to share
messages with people, being with so many different kinds of people
begins to make sense to them. When their “truth” is bounced off so
many different surfaces, they can see it in many different ways. This
helps them know when a concept is really “right,” and they gain joy
from seeing that concept work through the varied perceptions of
others.
For example, they may ask themselves: “What is ‘Poor’?” Then
they watch people who are financially poor and discover that in
some cases, being poor gives a person better values than if they
were rich. Their exciting discoveries stem from their openness to
compare their ideas with what is actually going on in the
environment. The harmony they seek comes from integrating the
other person’s views with their own truth. Their challenge is to
acknowledge an energy that encompasses variety.
When Gemini North Node people begin experiencing their
sexuality, their tendency is to seek a variety of people to interact
with. They have been deprived of the warmth of human
relationships for so many incarnations that they can be like a kid in
a candy store: They want to try it all! Actually, in their case and
within reasonable limits, this is not a mistake—especially during
their early years. They are learning how to relate with others while
maintaining and sharing that thread of Truth within themselves.
Variety can help them learn to share it without losing it.
These folks have a well-developed sense of integrity from past
lives and would never say anything to mislead another person. They
don’t say “I love you and I’ll stay with you forever” with the motive
of getting the other person under the covers. However, due to guilt
from their religious training in past lives, they are plagued by a
voice that says: “I know this is wrong—I should only be with one
person.” There may come a time when that path is correct for them,
but that decision needs to be based on maintaining their truth while
they are with the other person without allowing themselves to slip
into isolating self-righteousness. When dating a variety of people,
they are charming and maintain their “good behavior” to keep the
connection progressing. When they can retain that same “good
behavior” while being with only one person, then they are really on
track.
While they are still in the process of dating a variety of people,
their motive needs to be clear. If they are only trying to ease their
loneliness through sex, the result will be temporary satisfaction that
night, but an exaggeration of the empty feeling the next day. To
avoid that destructive cycle, they need to keep expanding their
mental connection with the other person as a foundation for
physical intimacy. They should establish an emotional connection
prior to a physical relationship. Then the physical interaction will be
a joyful expression of that truth, and they won’t feel empty or
guilty.
Gemini North Node people can be obsessive in their
attachments to others, particularly in romantic/sexual relationships.
If they become overly committed to one idea or one person, they
should deflect their obsession in order to regain a peaceful,
constructive state of mind. If they are obsessed with an idea, they
need to consider another point of view to balance their thinking. If
they are becoming obsessive about another person, they need to find
a platonic friend to spend time with as a balance for the more
intense relationship. Then they can create success in the primary
relationship. Realizing they have options always works for them.
Conversely, these folks can also go to the extreme of
nonattachment. In this lifetime, they tend to want to be the
Philosopher King again—but when they get to the top of the
mountain, who else is going to be there? One of their most
dangerous obsessions is the tendency to internalize their thoughts,
which causes their relationships to become secondary. They can fail
to even acknowledge other people because they are too intensely
focused on their own thought process. “My thoughts are so justified,
so meaningful.” They may totally disregard other people’s input,
and that’s where they can really be hurt. They won’t find the variety
they need if they aren’t open to the viewpoints of others.
Gemini North Node people need to learn to give greater weight to
human relationships; they need to spend more time and energy
getting involved with people, rather than focusing on goals. The
people may in fact end up being the goal, if they can just stop
overthinking.
These folks are great with first meetings: the introductory small
talk, the charm, the superficial connection. But they are like a
professional greeter in a restaurant—they know how to make the
other person feel welcome, say the first few lines that everyone will
relate to, make the first gestures and smiles; but after that, they’re
lost. In a romantic situation they often get nervous and either go off
by themselves or try to move things to the physical level right away.
These folks are very comfortable with their bodies, so once they
start connecting physically they feel at ease again. Unfortunately, if
a mental affinity and mutual understanding haven’t been established
first, their sexual connections are often brief and only temporarily
satisfying; they do not lead to deep and rewarding relationships.
These folks have had a lot of past lifetimes of high adventure, as
well. When they were headed toward some mountaintop to look for
Truth, an attractive person would come across their path and they
would have a sexual adventure with them. But these folks weren’t
interested in settling down—they were in pursuit of Truth. To
develop nurturing human bonds or take romantic relationships
deeper would have been contrary to their goals. In this lifetime,
such behavior leads to isolation, but these folks continue to run
from deep connections with others. They want to be close to others,
but they don’t know how to do it. And this awkwardness can be
very frustrating for them, especially in romantic situations.
However, Gemini North Node people need to know that they
have a tremendous gift for making connections with people once
they get the idea. The key is to become genuinely interested in—
and curious about—the other person. How do they think? What is
important to them? What are their interests? What message does the
other person have for them, and what message do they have for the
other person?
Gemini North Node people have a tendency to be too direct, and
this gets them into trouble. They need to remember to look more
deeply at what they really want to convey, and then communicate in
a responsible, sensitive way.
For example, I had a client who had been married for twenty-six
years to a Gemini North Node husband. One day he came home and
said—with no prior warning—“I’ve met my soul mate and I want a
divorce.” He had met this woman only two weeks earlier! The
message totally shocked his wife. It took them more than a year of
intense confrontation and soul searching to find out what the
problems were that led to his drastic pronouncement. In fact, the
encounter turned out to be a diversion—what this man really
wanted was to revitalize his relationship with his wife. They had a
good marriage based on mutually strong feelings of love, and as of
this writing they are still together. He got what he wanted: His
relationship with his wife was transformed. However, his wife has
never recovered emotionally, and she is unable to completely
forgive him for what he put her through.
Gemini North Node people are learning that when they speak
without considering the effects, they can be unnecessarily hurtful to
others. This is especially the case when what they say isn’t really
the underlying truth, but simply an attempt to hurt the other person
or get attention. They must clarify in their own minds what they’re
feeling and then decide on the best way to say it. Is their motive to
rekindle the relationship, or to make the other person feel guilty?
Often, when these folks speak with harsh directness they are not
really communicating how they feel. They need to focus on
resolving problems in a more responsible way.
In the above example, rather than blurting out a conclusion he
hadn’t thought through in advance, the husband could have talked
with his wife and said: “Look, a woman I am attracted to has come
across my path. I haven’t become involved with her yet, but I’m
considering it because I’m so unhappy in our marriage.” Telling the
truth in a factual, logical way would have gotten him what he
wanted—a revitalization of his marriage—without devastating his
wife. They could have worked together to resolve the underlying
problems in their relationship. And although they did end up staying
together, the shock and anxiety were so great that the relationship
was never completely healed.
Gemini North Node people need to put themselves in the other
person’s place and see what approach would make the other person
feel comfortable. Using words with respect helps these folks
connect in positive ways with other people; it is a key part of
maintaining happy relationships.