Cancer North Node people have a tremendous need for their
feelings to be validated, to strengthen their awareness of feelings,
and to give their own feelings a voice. These folks have come into
this incarnation with the past-life habit of suppressing emotions.
They may subconsciously set up their early environment so that it
appears as though one of their parents is invalidating their feelings
and discouraging them from letting others know how they feel. For
instance, in the American culture nearly all little boys are told: “Be
a man, don’t cry”—but Cancer North Node boys take this very
seriously. Their parents may give them a hundred different
instructions, but this is the one they hear the loudest. (This is an
example of how past life patterns are brought through the form of
the present life to cause a resurgence of traits that must be balanced
and resolved in this incarnation.)
These folks must not neglect their personal needs or pretend
their feelings do not exist. Their emotions have been repressed for
so many lifetimes that now they constitute a huge mass of not-tobe-denied energy! Cancer North Nodes are scheduled to experience
a personal life of caring and being cared for by others on an
intimate level. Yet they’ve spent so much time suppressing their
feelings that the idea of being emotionally vulnerable to others is
frightening. “What? I should let others know how I feel? You’ve got
to be kidding! Why should I expose my feelings and give others
power over me?” They’re petrified because they’re accustomed to
being in control. Yet honestly revealing their feelings is exactly
what is scheduled to work for them. In this lifetime, in order for a
rounding and softening of the personality to occur, their feelings
must be validated.
Further suppression makes their feelings more insistent and more
intimidating. The longer they avoid expressing their “feeling”
nature, the more crippled they become. Cancer North Node people
are learning to integrate their feelings with the other parts of
themselves. One of the best techniques to do this is to walk through
situations that are intimidating and experience the feelings that are
evoked. In the process of acknowledging their feelings, the
magnified intensity will dissipate.
The problem, however, is that Cancer North Node people have
developed instinctive responses geared to avoid their feelings at all
costs, so their emotions have become somewhat frozen. Life can be
dry and boring, filled with outer achievements but devoid of inner
meaning and satisfaction. Thus, in this lifetime one of their greatest
challenges is to find the courage to get in touch with their feelings
and communicate those feelings to others—honestly revealing their
feelings without having to “do something” about them. This
validates the natives’ emotions and allows them to be integrated
with the rest of their personality.
Also, owing to past lives of suppressing their emotions, these
folks came into this incarnation with a certain shyness. They feel
unskilled in relating with others on a “feeling” level because they
have had so little practice. However, once they get used to it, they
realize they have more talent than any other nodal position for
responding to others’ feelings in a way that is both nurturing and
strengthening. It just takes a while for them to unfold to the point at
which they are comfortable with this part of themselves.
Perhaps owing to past life monastic experiences, Cancer North
Node people have a tremendous resistance to passion and an
enormous capacity for self-control. They are programmed to “never
lose control, never let themselves go.” Therefore, emotionally
passionate relationships represent a tremendous challenge for them
—and ultimately can set them free. They have spent so many
lifetimes disassociated from natural human drives that when passion
—the most intense of human sensations—confronts them, they react
with fear. An automatic “disconnect” button is pressed, and they
turn around and run the other way because they don’t want to lose
control!
When these folks interact with someone who stimulates their
passion, their primal urges become activated and threaten to take
over. Since these urges have been suppressed, they now seem
overwhelming and out of proportion in intensity. The irony is that
what Cancer North Nodes fear most is also what they most want
and need. They long to experience the nourishment and fulfillment
that comes from a deep connection with another person. Nothing
else in life will ultimately satisfy them. Sooner or later they must let
go and allow their emotions to be stirred by another to experience
completion in this lifetime. Passion can be their greatest source of
pain and frustration, or the challenge that takes them beyond the
limitations of internal controls and heals the painful boundaries they
have erected between themselves and others.
Cancer North Node people have a tremendous need for a stable
foundation from which to know they are loved and secure. They
need to feel there’s something—someone—they can depend on and
“go home to.” Deep down, they are looking for someone as strong
and reliable as themselves to love them and take care of them.
However, they need the nurturing and reassurance so much that
when it’s offered, they are often afraid of losing it and seek to
control it so they can keep it. The irony is that in trying to control it,
they end up pushing away the very thing they need most.
As long as they seek that source of love and security outside
themselves, they court disappointment. This is why, ultimately, they
need to develop a sensitivity to their own needs. They need to “hug
themselves”—give themselves nurturing and love before wanting it
from someone else. They need to reassure themselves that “it’s
going to be all right . . . don’t worry . . . I’ll take care of you.” In the
process their energy (which is outer directed and goal oriented)
begins to sink back inside themselves, and they are able to feel
satisfied and nurtured.
When their own energy is centered, they can be vulnerable and
sensitive toward others because they have taken care of their own
needs and now are emotionally secure. When they don’t desperately
need to be loved, other people are able to love them. When they
give themselves reassurance, they gain enough inner confidence to
be with others quietly without having to control, “look good,” or
feel they have to “do something.” When they can simply “be,” they
nurture others just from the fullness of being who they really are.
Owing to past incarnations of success and recognition, these
folks come on the planet with a strong sense of inner pride. They’re
used to considerable recognition for their achievements, and they
want other people to feed that pride. The only problem is that they
can never get enough recognition to feel satisfied. It’s always the
next goal that, when achieved, will finally make them happy. They
cannot win if they continue down this road.
At this point, their pride from past lives has become a wall of
isolation around them. They are so accustomed to reaching their
goals that they subconsciously look down on those who have not
yet learned the art of achievement. This feeling of superiority
alienates Cancer North Nodes from others. Their purpose in this
lifetime is to teach others how to achieve their own goals; then they
are “on track” and incredibly happy.
Cancer North Node people often are so attached to gaining
respect from others that they subconsciously make life harder than it
has to be—just so they can win recognition for their sacrifice. They
often think that a task has to be hard in order to be worthwhile.
They tell themselves how difficult it is until the whole situation
becomes overwhelming and unmanageable. This is a self-defeating
pattern.
The truth is that achievement is not difficult for these folks. Even
as children, they reached their goals so effortlessly that they got no
recognition from others. So they re-evaluated. Perhaps if the task
were more difficult, others would give them more attention,
sympathy, and recognition. So now, as adults, they may have
problems they can’t overcome (weight, habits, finances, etc.). They
truly believe these problems are insurmountable even though they
are trying their best, and they may even feel victimized by their
circumstances.
For example, I had a Cancer North Node client who was in her
early forties. Her battle against being overweight had become a
problem in her early twenties, but up to that point food hadn’t been
an issue for her. Then, after a disappointing love affair, she gained
10 pounds. She immediately went on her first diet, followed the
rules, and lost the weight effortlessly. She didn’t know it was
supposed to be hard. Six months later a peer, whose respect she had
been hoping to gain, pointed out that the diet this woman had
followed was found to be a fraud. The peer talked about how
difficult it was to lose weight. My client immediately regained the
10 pounds, added 20 more, and was 30 pounds overweight nearly
all her young adult life. For years she felt utterly frustrated because,
to her, being overweight had become an insurmountable problem.
As soon as this woman thought of her goal as “difficult”—and
tied it in with wanting to gain respect—she lost her power of
accomplishment. Fortunately, when I saw this woman again she had
lost the 30 pounds and had maintained her weight for more than two
years. She had simply decided to take charge of the problem and
make reaching a desired weight her number one priority—and she
put all her past life power of accomplishment behind it. She saved
her money, spent her vacation at a “fat farm,” and followed its
regimen to the letter after returning home.
When these folks finally decide to do something, they always
have the discipline to rise above the problem. They must stop taking
themselves so seriously, begin to take charge, and put their lives in
order. It’s easy. They need to just “do it” and not make such a big
deal out of it—regardless of whether anyone else respects them for
it or approves of their method. Once they have taken charge, they
are automatically on the alert—drawing in the people and ideas that
can assist them in attaining their goal. And it’s to their advantage to
achieve goals they have had for a long time, because it frees them to
pursue new goals as they arise. These people will never run out of
goals!
Cancer North Node people have very clear boundaries—in their
own minds—beyond which others may not go. Their limits are not
unreasonable. They need to be treated with a certain amount of
consideration to feel good about themselves. The problem is that
others don’t know where these boundaries are and thus may
encroach on them unintentionally.
In response to feeling violated, these natives generally remain
silent in the presence of the offender and then complain about it to
everyone else. They need to learn to respond directly to the person
they think is treating them disrespectfully. They need to say: “Stop!
This is my boundary!” and let others know how they feel. This can
be difficult, since they fear others emotional reactions and are afraid
they won’t know how to respond if the other person gets upset. This
may intimidate them and keep them from speaking directly, since
they don’t want to have to justify their feelings. It’s enough to say:
“Look, when you said that, it hurt my feelings.” Or in business
situations, it’s enough to say: “Look, that’s how I want it.”
Cancer North Node people are still learning not to let anyone
invalidate their feelings. Feelings are a personal matter; each person
is the only one who can accurately describe what he or she is
experiencing. For example, if I stub my toe among a crowd of
people, I might say: “Gosh, I just stubbed my toe. It’s really
throbbing.” One person might respond: “It doesn’t really hurt that
much; I’ve stubbed my toe before.” But the fact is that I’m the
authority: It’s my toe and I’m the only one who knows how it feels.
In the same way, no one can invalidate how a person feels
emotionally. Only that person knows if he or she feels disappointed,
hurt, insecure, or left out, just as only I know how much it hurts to
stub my toe.
These folks need to focus on connecting with their own
foundation. In this way they will have a secure place to “be,” which
is essential for them to experience authentic, deep sharing. Once
they are in touch with their own foundation they can venture out
and successfully interact with others. If the other people’s energy
becomes too intense or disruptive, they can pull back into
themselves. But if they haven’t connected with their own “home
base,” they may inadvertently identify with other people’s
foundations and try to control them in order to stabilize the
relationship. When Cancer North Node people are in touch with the
“home” inside their own body, they become more comfortable
being around other people.
Purchasing a home is another avenue that can strengthen these
folks’ sense of having a foundation. Sometimes, when we do
something on a material level, it also produces emotional healing.
This is the case with Cancer North Node people owning a home.
Once their home environment is secure and comfortable, they feel
more confident in accomplishing what they want in the world.
Having a stable home is empowering for them. They feel more
secure, more grounded, and safer just being themselves.
Actually, these people have excellent real estate karma and would
do well in this field. As brokers or salespeople they gravitate to
“good deals” and have the business acumen to know how to make
the sale workable for everyone involved. They can see homes
objectively, as a business, and are not distracted by the emotional
considerations and feelings others have around “their homes.” They
locate homes that fill their clients’ bottom-line needs (close to good
schools, within a realistic price range, etc.). They sense what is
important to the other person. They are also good at structuring
deals creatively so that the purchases can take place, even when it
seems impossible.
On a business/investment level, they are great at finding a “good
real estate deal,” fixing up the property, and renting it out. In this
way they are able to start a business that can grow as far as they
want to take it. They know how a property can be used to its
greatest financial advantage (for example, dividing a large home
into separate apartments and renting them). However, their good
real estate karma applies only to properties that already have a
structure on them—not necessarily to bare land.
These folks have spent many lifetimes standing for causes
outside themselves; now part of them feels nomadic. They are
always on the go, looking for the next goal to achieve or project to
undertake. Their deepest need is to feel comfortable and to feel they
can relax because they belong. But it is difficult for them to think
they truly “belong” anywhere; even with their families they often
feel they don’t really “fit in.” The first step toward changing this is
to gain a sense of belonging within themselves, which they can do
by remaining true to their inner impulses.
For example, if Cancer North Node hears potentially upsetting
gossip about a friend, his best bet is to get in touch with his
instincts. Does he “feel” that the information is true or that there is
any reason to be upset? If his gut feeling is calm, then he can trust
it. Indeed, Cancer North Node people gain a sense of belonging
when they trust themselves and follow their instincts. They also
need to experience a feeling of belonging with others, which they
can gain by letting others know when they feel vulnerable. This
gives others the opportunity to open their arms and let these strong
Cancer North Node people know how much they’re loved.
In this lifetime Cancer North Nodes’ feelings demand attention;
they need to be around others who are sensitive and supportive. It is
important for these natives to develop a technique for
discriminating between those who care enough to be emotionally
supportive of them and those who do not. The best technique is to
honestly reveal how they feel when others take actions that affect
them, and then see how the other person responds.
For example, if one of Cancer North Node’s friends has a party
and doesn’t invite her, the best bet would be to tell the friend
directly: “I felt left out when you didn’t invite me to your party.” No
justification, no manipulation—simply an honest disclosure of her
emotional response to the incident. If the friend says: “You
shouldn’t have felt left out—I invited you to three parties last year!”
and invalidates her feelings, that gives her a clue that she is dealing
with someone who does not really care about how she feels. On the
other hand, if the friend says: “I’m sorry you feel that way, and I
can understand it, but in this particular case . . .” (and explains what
happened), then Cancer North Node knows this is a person who
responds to her feelings.
These folks tend to hide their feelings from others in intimate
relationships. The irony is that this prevents them from developing
the intimacy they seek and hinders them in establishing the
interactions that would help them feel fulfilled. Intimacy is a byproduct of revealing personal feelings and having those feelings
understood and accepted by another. Feelings add fullness to life,
and it is the birthright of Cancer North Node people to open
themselves and experience the satisfaction of mutual caring on a
deep, personal level.