In relationships, Pisces North Node people have everything
backwards. They should be detached from external results and
reliant on the flow of a; Higher Power, which enables them to be
very personable with other people. However, when they adhere to
their role and feel attached to controlling external results, they
appear impersonal to others. They put all their energy into their
role, and other people cannot see the real person underneath.
When they release the role, they become more human again,
allowing their personal power to shine through. In the role, they
stay within their definition of how their “character” is supposed to
act. But when they become themselves, they react openly to what’s
going on around them, responding naturally in ways that lead to
mutual respect and appreciation in their relationships.
Pisces North Node people tend to be very earthy and enjoy the
sensual side of life. However, they may feel awkward in joining
fully with another person in true intimacy—combining both the
physical and the emotional. Thus, although they are physically very
responsive, emotionally they tend to remain withdrawn and
unavailable. They may even go to great lengths to create workaholic
schedules to avoid deep emotional connections with others. They’re
uncomfortable relating with others on an equal level and allowing
themselves to be vulnetable.
They are so accustomed to living their lives according to an
analytical process that to allow themselves to be emotionally open
is unfamiliar territory. Part of them wants to be pulled into a new
way of experiencing the other person, but they often get caught in
their fear of the unknown. Emotions can be a barrage of undefined
energy, causing experiences to go in unpredictable directions.
Emotions don’t make sense, and yielding to those waves of emotion
would take them beyond the realm of logical explanation.
They prefer to operate without spontaneous feelings. They know
their role: They perform certain duties, act a certain way, and have
defined reactions and feelings in specific situations. To step into the
natural flow of emotions dissolves their known structures and
requires them to be vulnerable. Surrendering to the flow of emotion
terrifies them—it feels like death itself! What they are sensing is
actually a death of the part of their ego that keeps them from feeling
emotional and spiritual connectedness with others. Truly, in this
incarnation Pisces North Node people are promised the gift of bliss
that unites them with all people. But for this to occur, they must be
willing to release their hold on structure and surrender to the
unknown. This is the key to their salvation and completion.
One thing that will help in their intimate relationships is to take
the time to create a specific atmosphere with their sexual partner.
Dinner out once a week, music that promotes a romantic
atmosphere, candles, flowers, or whatever else puts them in a
romantic mood can go a long way in freeing them from their rigid
roles and adding emotional depth to their relationships. The joy and
pleasure such rituals will bring are well worth the extra time and
effort. Relationships are work, and one of the things these folks are
learning is the importance of doing their part. Rather than assuming
certain things are going to happen, they need to put forth the effort
to consciously create a positive situation with their partner.
For Pisces North Node people, the challenge is to focus on love,
to allow it to create every possible vision—the ultimate pleasure
and bliss—by accepting love without trying to dictate what
direction it should take. If they put their total faith in the love that
exists and just let it be, the results will amaze them.
Of course, the love may only be apparent in moments. The idea is
to enjoy it while it’s there; when it’s not there, Pisces North Nodes
need to recognize that it was real. Rather than thinking in terms of
giving or receiving, simply accepting the other person—with no
barriers and no judgments—will allow them to access unconditional
love.
Because Pisces North Node people were focused in past lives on
their own concerns, they often forget to take other people into
account when they make plans. Life is going on for everybody, not
just for them. We all have dreams to be manifested, mistakes to
make, and lessons to be learned, but these folks seem to be
innocently unaware of this total picture.
It is not that they do not want other people to manifest their
dreams. They are oriented to service and sincerely want to help, but
their focus is so narrow they often fail to take others’ visions into
account. And when others feel their dreams and agendas are not
being considered, they often become adversarial. Then Pisces North
Nodes’ tendency is to blindly resist the initiative of the other
person. Every time the other person tries to assert his or her plan,
the Pisces North Node person reacts with frantic resistance—all
they can see is that it goes against their plan. The result is a standoff
where neither party wins and communication shuts down.
These folks have had too many past lives when they weren’t
allowed to make a mistake, so in this lifetime there’s a chip in their
mental computer that says they absolutely cannot be “wrong.” This
causes them to become defensive and unable to hear the other
person’s point of view, which is the basis of most of their
misunderstandings. To establish a channel of communication, the
first thing the other person needs to do is to relax Pisces North
Nodes’ “be right” mechanism by validating their idea. “You are
absolutely right. And . . . from my point of view, it looks like this:
. . .” The operative word is “right.”
Pisces North Node people are as victimized by that mechanism in
their brain as are those around them. The need to be “right” propels
much of their anxiety. When they start thinking too much, it helps to
reassure themselves: “I did the right thing. I did the best I could
with the Light that I had in that situation.” Then they will feel more
peaceful.
These folks are very sensitive to shifts in energy. When they tune
in to the material world, they respond to other people’s energy all
the time. By contrast, if they work to develop a more spiritual focus
—through watching themselves objectively and detaching from the
material world—they can chart their course from their own vision
instead of allowing others to influence them. It’s an entirely
different reality. They will find themselves responding to a spiritual
energy field rather than the emotional energy fields of other people.
Turning their powerful concentration away from the material world
and toward the intangible world requires conscious focus. When
they objectively observe themselves and the way their bodies
respond in different situations, they are able to make choices that
are not influenced by the force fields of those around them.
Expectations—for themselves and others—are the biggest
source of disappointment for Pisces North Node people in this
lifetime. These folks need to stay in touch with their vision in order
to really shine—it brings out the best in them. Thus, in a
relationship, if they have a vision or a larger goal of what they want
to experience (to consistently put positive energy into the
relationship, to keep the flow of unconditional love going, etc.), it
will work beautifully. They will know what to do at every step of
the way. If, however, they are looking at what’s going wrong and
the ways in which the other person isn’t meeting their expectations,
everything starts going downhill. They need a higher cause—loftier
than their daily activities—to give spiritual significance to whatever
they are doing.
Pisces North Node people fear criticism more than any other
nodal type. They can’t bear the thought of anyone (especially
themselves!) thinking they aren’t perfect. So they’re caught in a
cycle in which they have to perform perfectly in order to avoid the
criticism that would make them feel badly. They can lead their
entire life around the attempt to avoid criticism—deep down, they
fear it would be a tremendous embarrassment or even a public
disgrace to make a mistake.
Owing to past lives when their behavior had to be perfect to save
people physically or spiritually, they have a critical eye and easily
see others’ flaws. In the desire to correct and heal, they constantly
judge the people around them. They may not verbalize their
judgments, but others feel the weight of their critical eye and
analytical mind. In the workplace, they can be so critical that they
alienate co-workers. And their criticism can cause their children to
become insecure.
These folks think that if only the other person would fix the flaw
that they are so aware of, they could both find love and peace of
mind. But it’s not set up to work that way. Subconsciously, others
know that it is the native’s job to learn unconditional love in this
lifetime. Sometimes, the other person feels victimized by an
unwanted habit that is actually—on a subconscious level—being
held in place by the Pisces North Node’s refusal to accept the other
completely. The native feels victimized because the other person
isn’t changing the behavior that the native thinks would bring peace
of mind. Both people lose.
To turn this into a win/win situation, these folks need to alter the
silent, critical thoughts in their own minds. Rather than focusing on
“the flaw” and viewing it as intentional, they need to shift the way
they see the person. As they view the other person in terms of his or
her helplessness and unconscious habits, their hearts will be filled
with love and compassion and their minds will be filled with peace.
Then both people win: The other person feels supported and has the
freedom to change his or her behavior (or not!); the native is already
feeling peace, whether or not the behavior of the other person
changes.
Pisces North Node people are always on the lookout for a
problem; they think it’s their personal responsibility to see that
everything is working smoothly. Because of this constant anxiety,
they end up tampering with things inappropriately, which can
frustrate and annoy those around them. When their desire to help
emanates from their compulsive desire to fix things, people are
likely to reject their input. In this lifetime it’s their job to accept
things as they are and to offer people a broader view of what’s
going on that gives them confidence. Their job is to provide
comfort, support, and compassion rather than criticism—no matter
how “constructive” it might be.
Also, instead of focusing on the other person’s problem, Pisces
North Nodes should look at themselves to see if something they are
doing is a problem. Rather than saying: “Gosh, there’s no way to get
along with this other person—they’re just too difficult,” they can
look inward and change themselves to evoke a different response
from the other person.
In all their relationships, these folks need to surrender to the
Infinite. Indeed, the natural unfolding of events may show them that
their partner is not compatible. The partner may have deep-seated
psychological problems that result in negative behaviors, and Pisces
North Nodes’ Achilles’ heel is thinking that they can “fix” the
partner. They’ve been doctors and nurses in many past lifetimes,
and they think they can put other people together again in a healthy
way. But the fact is that if the other person doesn’t want to change,
he or she is not “fixable.”
Pisces North Node people need to discriminate between those
who are asking to be fixed and those who are not. Many people
don’t want to be fixed; they think they’re fine just the way they are.
In that case, the natives must fix those parts of themselves that have
allowed them to become involved with someone who is engaged in
such destructive behavior. When they allow negative energy to
injure them, it hurts not only them but the people around them as
well. It robs their energy, prevents them from helping others, and
sets a bad example for their children and others.
Another problem arises from Pisces North Nodes’ preoccupation
with “fixing people”: They naturally attract someone who needs
fixing! This can be a subconscious ego trip for them. They have
been in the position of “fixing” so many times that they view
themselves as better than others. It’s always an ego trip if they think
they can help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. In this
lifetime, to release a situation with the acknowledgment “I can’t fix
this one” can be an act of true humility and the correct path.
Pisces North Node people sometimes become trapped in
relationships out of an extreme sense of responsibility to the other
person. They are driven by their sense of duty. If they don’t live up
to their self-imposed ideal of perfect behavior, they feel tremendous
guilt—and this can be a major factor in remaining in a situation
long after it has ceased to be of any benefit to them.
These folks can’t say “no” to loved ones or those they feel
responsible for, and this can trigger situations where they are taken
advantage of. If they are giving because of rules and regulations,
they will expect others to give back to them and the exchange will
lack the blessed ingredient of love. To bring love into their
interactions, they must trust themselves and not give past their
personal boundaries. Actually, others are not nearly as needy and
dependent as these folks think, and that is why others don’t give
back. They don’t really require the amount of sacrifice and service
the Pisces North Node person is enacting.
Part of what propels Pisces North Nodes’ sense of duty is a
feeling of inadequacy. They think: “All I have to give is me.” They
compensate by giving and giving, and they never feel that it’s
“enough.”
Sometimes Pisces North Node people will release this pattern
because it gets so hard they grow tired of it. They finally realize that
if they spend their entire life being of service to other people, they
have nothing left for themselves. Once they realize that others are
taking their service for granted, without appreciating what the
sacrifice is costing them, then they change.
A major step in resolving the dilemma is to put themselves first
—not their idea of themselves or their “role,” but their humanness.
They need to ask themselves: “If I do this, is it going to benefit me,
or is it just for others?” They love to help others, but if they violate
the voice within—their own humanity—then they’re performing an
empty service and no one wins.
The only way these folks actually know if they’re helping another
person or doing damage (“enabling” them or usurping their
responsibility and power) is by how they feel about it. If they are
doing a service for someone and they feel good and enjoy it, then
it’s accurate. But if they feel badly about themselves or unhappy in
that environment, it isn’t really a service.
The answer lies in developing a sense of duty to self rather than
to everyone else. When Pisces North Node people include duty to
self as part of the picture, things begin to come into balance. Their
lesson in this lifetime has less to do with how they relate to other
people and more to do with how they relate to themselves. Their
only barometer is their own inner state of being—their sense of
peace and contentment. They need to trust that the self is spiritual,
their intentions are good, and when the inner self says “no,” it’s a
correct response to outer circumstances.
Pisces North Node people seldom partner with those who
primarily evoke feelings of love and inner peace. They marry
someone with whom they can remain secure in their self-imposed
role. Then they may discover, as the other person begins to take
Pisces North Nodes’ service-oriented behavior for granted, that the
attraction and structure that felt so comfortable at first have become
a jail from which they want to break free. But by that time there
may be other responsibilities (children, shared resources, business
connections) that keep them bound to the situation through a sense
of personal duty—they feel they must live up to their image.
They also connect to the partner on an energy level, and once
committed, they think they can’t leave until that energy has been
worked out. The other person has to release them from the bond
before they feel they have fulfilled their duty and are free to go.
Their sense of duty and the need for perfect behavior can keep
these folks in the very worst of marriages, and sometimes they even
provoke abuse through their subservient attitude. When they are
responding to the other person from their role, rather than from the
truth of how they really feel, they are of endless, long-suffering
service regardless of how the other person treats them. But if their
natural, human response is honest, it tells others where their
boundaries are and engenders mutual awareness, respect, and
appreciation. It is the key ingredient. It cannot be sidestepped if
they want happy, nurturing relationships.
Pisces North Node people are extremely sensitive to energy
currents around them. They think they must constructively
participate with those currents for their lives to work in a magical
way. This is another reason why they stay in relationships—no
matter how painful, stressful, or unhappy—until the energetic
connection is somehow dissolved. They feel the karmic pull, the
magnetism, and think there is something to “work out” before they
can move on—their partner isn’t through with them yet. So they
keep serving the other person, hoping to complete the karma.
However, those attachments can be released on one level by a
recognition that the Pisces North Node has been not only
unappreciated but used by that other person.
Pisces North Node people think they’re doing their partner a
favor by sacrificing themselves, but they’re not helping anyone.
They are giving the message: “You can be abusive to others and not
appreciate them, and they will stay with you anyway. It’s okay to
get your way at another’s expense.” And that is not the truth. When
they subconsciously attract a spouse that needs “fixing” and the
spouse becomes abusive, they must recognize that in the perfect
scheme of things, perhaps their partner’s next lesson is that it’s
impossible to abuse people and get away with it.
It can be difficult for Pisces North Node people to leave abusive
marriages for several reasons. First, they have a tough time
admitting that they made a poor choice. Also, when Pisces North
Node people marry, they are relieved to find they have a companion
with whom they can share all their anxieties—and they do! The
spouse is likely to hear all the problems and injustices that occur
every day at work, and may begin to feel like a sounding board for
all the anxieties and fears of the Pisces North Node. To the outside
world, these folks may seem to be on top of things, but their partner
comes to know the frantic child underneath the exterior.
Although these folks tell their partners all their problems,
anxieties, and fears, they rarely listen for answers. If the other
person offers suggestions, he or she is usually pushed away because
the Pisces North Node is looking for a “higher resolution” on a
spiritual level. No practical ideas or human empathy will help.
However, Pisces North Nodes do come to depend on the spouse as a
sounding board, and that is another reason they tend to stay in one
relationship. They don’t think anyone else will be able to accept
their anxieties, so they cling to the spouse they have.
On another level, these folks feel guilty because they realize their
own behavior has not been “perfect”; they allow the partner a wide
berth of imperfection that even extends to tyranny. The abuse that
they endure can be terribly damaging to their self-worth; they may
lose confidence in their ability to ever leave the situation and begin
again on their own. But they must be willing to leave relationships
that are destructive to their mental and spiritual peace. No analyzing
or making judgments—simply leaving the proximity of those who
are disruptive to their well-being. This means trusting the inner
feeling of spiritual peace to lead them to new situations that are
right.
There is a story that several decades ago in Japan, an argument
arose among the followers of three of the martial arts: Karate
(mastery of offense); Judo (mastery of self-defense); and Aikido
(mastery of dodging). The top master in each discipline was
summoned to see which martial art was most effective. After the
competition, it was the Aikido master who was left standing. Aikido
is the art of dodging: You just step out of the way. You never strike
a blow or raise your arms in self-defense; you simply move out of
the way and the force of your opponent’s attack will cause him to
fall over. Pisces North Node people would do well to learn from this
story: When there is negativity, their best bet is to not interact but to
simply move out of the way.
Pisces North Node people need to be conscious of where they
are (not their fantasy) and truthful with themselves about their
feelings. Often they really aren’t happy but refuse to admit it. They
may be in denial about their sense of entrapment in the roles they
play. They feel guilty and think they “shouldn’t” feel that way or
they should play out their role regardless of how they feel.
Unconsciously, they are overly optimistic—trusting everyone and
everything and constantly being influenced by other people’s energy
fields. They are more concerned with what is happening moment by
moment in the relationship, rather than with their vision. But when
they stay in touch with the larger picture, they are able to follow
their intuition and don’t run into things blindly.
There are no shortcuts for Pisces North Node people, but
fortunately they are accustomed to hard work. In this lifetime, the
hard work required is to not let themselves be controlled by their
circumstances. Then they can establish situations that are more in
accord with who they really are. If they want to be happy, they must
give up the role and start relating from the authenticity and strength
of their true nature.