Lifetimes of personal achievement, self-sufficiency, and
independent action result in a consciousness that is unaware of team
effort and partnership. Libra North Node people have had too many
incarnations enacting the role of the warrior. A warrior on the
battlefield isn’t concerned about anyone else, only with staying
alive and killing the enemy. If he even glances at a comrade, his
body can be destroyed. Thus, his entire consciousness is geared
toward himself: his body, his fighting ability, his position relative to
survival.
These people now have an exaggerated survival urge and a “me
versus you” mentality. It’s all they know. They are competitive, goal
oriented, and tactical, always aware of how they will be affected by
what they do or by what’s going on. They yearn to be with others, to
love others and to feel loved, but they don’t know how. They are
afraid to release their strong grip on their sense of self, because they
fear “the battle” may begin at any time and they must be strong and
on their guard to survive.
But these folks need to recognize that this is not a warrior
lifetime. No one is out to destroy them or take things away from
them. They need to notice that there are comrades on all sides. Their
job in this lifetime is to help others win battles; and in helping
others, Libra North Node people win.
Throughout all those warrior lifetimes, these folks lost touch with
love, with the ability to work with other people. Thus, they came
into this lifetime feeling awkward about cooperation and relating to
others. But they shouldn’t worry, because their entire chart is set up
to reconnect with people. As long as they are clear about where
they’re going, old habits won’t get in their way. In fact, this entire
lifetime is about partnership for them—and there will be no lack of
opportunity to get it straight, because opportunities for marriages
and partnerships will come to them easily.
Owing to past-life warrior experiences, Libra North Node
people have developed a “no questions asked—no nonsense”
discipline that is foreign to those in other nodal groups. Their past
lives in the military stressed orderliness with dress and personal
possessions, so these folks come into this incarnation valuing
organization in their environments and in their lives. They have a
strong tolerance for discipline and harsh limitations, and they think
others should be willing to endure the same punishment and
deprivation. It’s hard for them to understand when others won’t
accept the same restraints and sacrifices that they are willing to
shoulder—a factor that undermines their relationships.
No other nodal group has the same capacity for taking
constructive action under conditions of strict personal discipline and
deprivation. Actually, Libra North Node people thrive on the
challenge of personal survival under adverse circumstances. It’s a
“high” for them! The intense drama of striving to reach a goal
through personal sacrifice, harnessing their resources, being put to
the test, and emerging victorious gives them a sense of personal
validation.
These folks have such a strong sense of self that they imagine
everyone is just like them, and subconsciously, they are looking for
someone who is just like them to be their partner. They can become
very frustrated and feel shortchanged when the other person does
not exhibit the same qualities.
One of the lessons Libra North Node people are learning in this
lifetime is the beauty of individual differences. Who they are and
what they have to offer in a relationship may be very different from
who the other person is and what he or she has to offer. The
challenge is to pay attention to individual differences and to
appreciate the strengths that others bring to the relationship. For this
to occur, they first must re-examine their definition of strength.
Owing to so many incarnations spent in the warrior mode, their
definition of strength usually includes only the following: courage,
intense effort, willingness to sacrifice and endure deprivation, 100
percent goal-focused orientation, insistence on immediate results,
discipline, impulsive initiative (the hero mentality), high-energy
modes, and willingness to take personal risks.
Yet there are other strengths that these folks do not have that
partners may bring into their lives. These include the ability to
appreciate the process of reaching the goal (which can slow down
Libra North Node people and give them more staying power);
communication skills (which can create rapport and understanding);
empathy (which can make Libra North Node people finally feel like
they belong); playfulness (which can make the process of reaching a
goal enjoyable); analytical abilities and a capacity for working with
details; diplomacy; sensitivity to others’ needs; the ability to create
synergy (which can enormously empower both parties); a sense of
adventure; managerial skills; creativity and inventiveness; and the
capacity for compassion (which can heal Libra North Node people).
In this incarnation, Libra North Node people need to partner with
others for success and fulfillment. To receive the benefits of
partnership, their challenge is to appreciate how others are different
from them.
Libra North Node people have a penchant for angry outbursts,
which they must learn to leave behind. They have a temper like that
of a child. When they don’t get their way, they throw a tantrum to
force the other person to go along with them. If the other person
resists, they escalate the situation until they get their way.
However, creating win/lose situations does not work for these
folks. In the long run, such situations only isolate them from the
very people with whom they want to be close. When they “win” by
getting their way at another’s expense, they pay the price—the other
person will close down and withdraw, not wanting to be vulnerable
to such violent tactics. Libra North Node people may emerge all
smiles, totally unaware of the damage they have done to the other
person. They think the other person should be happy for them
because, after all, they did “win.” They will experience many bitter
lessons until they learn that nobody wins through intimidation and
temper. Victories won by attacking others result in those people not
wanting to be involved with Libra North Nodes anymore, and
thereafter the mutual exchange, energy, and admiration that these
folks so covet vanish from their relationships.
These folks tend to be swift decision makers. They are
accustomed to immediate action, since they take only themselves
and their own goals into account. They are usually unaware of their
effect on other people, and without realizing it they may use people
to further their own goals. This has bad repercussions for Libra
North Node people, however, because it’s very painful for others.
When these folks make decisions without allowing other people
to support them, they may fail to get the things they want because
they have discounted the benefit of others’ energies and ideas.
Before taking action, they should remember to consciously include
others in their decisionmaking processes. Part of their reluctance to
include others comes from the former battlefield mentality that
“people are basically against me.” Much of this false thinking can
be resolved through an understanding of proper communication—
how to check in with others in a way that is mutually beneficial. I
once had a client with this nodal position who confessed to me:
“I’m so busy working on my marriage by myself that I can’t see my
husband, I can’t hear him, I don’t know who he is!” It would be
much easier for these folks to just check in with the other person.
Lack of consideration in decision making can cause Libra North
Node people a lot of unnecessary pain. They may be so afraid of not
getting their way that they are ruthless in campaigning for what they
want. They may fear that if they hesitate for a moment to engage
another person in making plans, the other person will block their
course of action. What they don’t understand is that considering
others does not mean abandoning their agenda. It does mean caring
about the other person’s concerns and being willing to work toward
a compromise that satisfies both parties.
For example, I had a client who was in a relationship with a Libra
North Node native. They had been living together monogamously
for nearly a year. One day the Libra North Node said he had to
leave and would be back late that night. She was very intuitive and
got a psychic picture that caused her to say: “David—you’re going
to make love to somebody else!” He became angry with her (these
folks don’t lie easily, and they tend to get upset when they are
caught). She started asking questions, trying to understand what was
going on, but he was so intent on his goal that he refused to take the
time to talk with her. He didn’t want to be late for his appointment
with the other woman, so he left the matter unresolved. Hours later
he called her with profuse apologies: He had made a mistake, he
loved her, she was the only one for him, it would never happen
again. But it was too late—her heart had closed to him and she had
already decided to leave.
According to my client, it was not the event that caused her heart
to close, it was the way the Libra North Node had handled it. She
couldn’t forgive that he did not care enough about her feelings to
talk out the situation with her. When these folks close themselves to
input from their partners, everyone loses.
Libra North Node people can be overly concerned with survival,
but in this lifetime such a focus is inappropriate. They’ve already
learned how to survive; now they are here to help other people, to
infuse them with the energy and confidence that will make the
others stronger. In giving, the Libra North Node people gain
tremendous self-confidence and peace.
These folks need to apply everything they learned as warriors and
use it constructively in relationships with others. This means putting
down their weapons and looking around to see how their comrades
are doing. Does the person next to them need a pat on the back
before going into battle? Their job is to empower other people to
win. And no one is better equipped to help others win than Libra
North Node.
Libra North Node people must guard against a tendency for
narcissism. They put on a front of being in control and having
qualities that others admire. Others give them compliments and they
feel good, but they are always secretly afraid that who they really
are and what they really like may run counter to their projected
image. Sometimes they gather people around them who are
acceptable for their “look.” For example, I had a client with this
nodal position who was attracted to very heavy women, but he
would never let any of his friends find out because he was afraid of
their ridicule. He kept his real desire a secret because it didn’t fit the
image of himself he wanted to project.
These folks like it when others compliment their looks; so they
act out what they think the desired stereotype is, and expect people
to see this and feed their ego. Wanting to be attractive to others,
they manipulate their image to be what they think will attract the
other person. But this process prevents them from gaining a true
sense of inner confidence through knowing that others love and
accept them as they are. They will never learn this unless they take
the risk of revealing themselves.
Libra North Node people are in danger of indulging in self-love
—and excluding others who could expand their true sense of
security. They may have a tendency to be concerned only with their
own happiness or fall victim to vanity—such as keeping themselves
in prime physical condition for the purpose of winning the best that
life has to offer. Their values can be naively superficial. But in this
lifetime, they are scheduled to gain an expanded sense of their own
soul by truly loving another person as much as they love
themselves.
Overconcern with self, self-sufficiency, and self-preservation
will function as Libra North Nodes’ basic motivations until these
folks become more conscious. They must consider who else is in
the game. Often they don’t even know who the other people are,
because they’re so used to focusing attention on themselves.
Whenever they impulsively say “Me first!” other people pull away.
But because of their natural counseling abilities (a gift given at birth
to facilitate their transition from focusing on self to supporting
others), people automatically confide in them. As they spend time
listening to other people’s problems, they wonder if they are getting
their “fair share.” If they’re not, they think they are being used.
Then they resentfully push people away.
Everything depends on their motivation in listening to others. Are
they doing it to get this person “out of their hair” so they can put the
attention back on themselves? Or are they listening with the sincere
motivation of wanting to help, not expecting anything in return
other than the happiness of knowing they participated in healing the
other person?
To win, Libra North Node people need to get in touch with a
feeling of internal social harmony that will help them focus on
others and stop putting themselves first.
Libra North Node people can be painfully self-conscious and
judgmental of what they deem to be their “negative” qualities. This
is why they lose power when they focus on the self. All they see are
their “unacceptable” qualities, which they focus on hiding. But this
process prevents others from getting close to them. Not knowing
what these folks are hiding, others don’t trust them and back away.
Then Libra North Node people get the feedback that something is
wrong with them—which is exactly what they suspected in the first
place!
Also, in the process of holding back they are not fully open to
receive others and therefore can never fully partner with them. They
are afraid to let down their guard, lest others will see who they
really are and then harshly judge and reject them. Instead, by
focusing on the other person and what they can do to bring out the
strength and goodness in that person, Libra North Node’s own self
stands open to receive other people.
It is in the best interests of Libra North Node people to stop
judging themselves and simply be themselves. If they have some
attributes that are not quite “right,” others can give them feedback.
After all, they’ve had warrior incarnations—what do they know
about the social graces? They can’t expect to know what experience
has not taught them. They need the help of those who have lived in
society for many lifetimes to learn the rules. By being honest, they
can learn how to change and start connecting with people and
developing positive relationships. They need to become attuned to
the world and to others, instead of themselves. When they focus
only on themselves to see what the other person is giving back to
them, they see only their own incompleteness and their confidence
drops. But when they focus on supporting and healing the other
person, they will no longer feel self-conscious. As they put their
energy into others, they will receive the approval and energy they
need. Indeed, the key to their own self-confidence lies in
stimulating the confidence and enthusiasm of others.
Libra North Node people tend to assume they know what is
going on with others, so they often bypass communication and go
directly to action. This undermines trust in their relationships, yet it
is understandable in light of their past-life military experience. They
were taught to view the “enemy” (that is, the “other”) from a
distance. They observed the enemy’s actions but never interacted
with him directly until the battle. Now, in this incarnation, they
observe other people from a distance, making assumptions about
their identity, behavior patterns, likes and dislikes, and so on. For
these folks, the truth is what they see—they assume “truths” about
the other person and then act on those “truths.” They don’t listen to
the other person. They interpret the other’s actions according to
what they would be thinking if they were doing those things.
They can also be judgmental of others for not resolving their
situations or reaching their goals as quickly, or in the same way, as a
Libra North Node would. If others don’t do it “their way,” these
folks might assume: “They’re not doing what I told them. They’re
not taking responsibility and dealing with this.” But the other
person may be dealing with it in his own way, arid Libra North
Node just hasn’t checked in to find out what’s going on.
They also judge others when they observe them hurting
themselves. They don’t understand why people do things that go
against their own best interests. They can’t figure out why others
don’t have the discipline to stay in shape, or finish their projects, or
maintain order in their environments. Because Libra North Node
people feel that actions speak louder than words, they often
underestimate other people’s ability to overcome obstacles, simply
because they have not done it yet.
Libra North Node people are learning that everyone has a unique
style. They are so single-minded and goal oriented that they project
onto others the goals that are important to themselves; then they
advise others how to reach those goals by the quickest, most direct
route. They become judgmental when other people don’t follow
their advice. They fail to take into account that others may have
their own agendas and that there are other values besides reaching
the goal in the fastest possible way.
In this incarnation, rather than being judgmental or intolerant,
these folks need to find their own vulnerability in others. If the
other person says she can’t do something, Libra North Node could
think back on a situation in his own life when he felt he couldn’t do
something; then he will feel more compassion for the other person.
In this lifetime, Libra North Node people need to learn to relate
successfully to others—to inspire and empower them to win
victories in their own lives. But to do this successfully they need to
learn to discover the other person’s objectives, values, and style of
operation.
Libra North Node people establish their own system of values
and assume that everyone else will meet their standards and follow
their rules, simply because the rules make sense to Libra North
Node. This is a Pandora’s box. Only negative things occur when
they are inflexibly attached to “the rules.” When other people don’t
play by “the rules” (that is, Libra North Nodes’ rules), Libra North
Node people experience disappointment; when others resist “the
rules,” Libra North Nodes’ tempers rise. They don’t realize the
other person didn’t get a chance to vote—nor was the other person
notified of what “the rules” are.
Sometimes when Libra North Node people think others are being
unfair, it’s because others aren’t following the invisible rules.
However, their sense of fairness is essentially selfish because it is
based only on their own rules. Libra North Node people must
become aware that there are other rules. Their own rules are no
more sacred than anyone else’s.
In all fairness to these folks, the problem with rules isn’t their
fault. Subconsciously they are still in the military, where everyone
is highly disciplined and follows clearly understood regulations,
protocols, and behavior. The good thing about the military, from
Libra North Nodes’ point of view, is that it’s not personal. They’re
not stepping on the other person’s toes when they say what to do—
they’re just giving orders! If the other person doesn’t cooperate,
they feel: “Well—you’re not being a team player.”
Everyone has rules: standards, ideas, and values. Most people are
aware of their ideas as “ideas”—not as absolutes. But for Libra
North Node people, their rules are the constitution they live by
—“the law.” Other people can have their own standards and ideas
but still be open to others’ views. Libra North Node people often
can’t see any view except their own.
An example of how hurtful this can be is the story of a client
whose father was a Libra North Node. On her wedding day, he felt
that his father (the client’s grandfather) should walk her down the
aisle. Because of childhood abuses, my client hated her grandfather.
But her father cared more about “the rules” than his own daughter,
and he insisted that the grandfather walk her down the aisle “out of
respect.” Those were “the rules”—there was no discussion. His
past-life military programming was allowed to run roughshod over
the feelings of his own daughter, even on her wedding day.
Libra North Node people must sit down with their friends and
partners to work out rules that both parties accept. Only when the
rules are mutually accepted can these folks expect others to live by
them. Also, how the others respond when the Libra North Node
people share their rules will reveal a lot about the relationship—and
whether it is appropriate.
By discovering the others’ standards and rules, Libra North Node
people can expand their own value systems. In fact, their ability to
develop a sense of inner freedom depends on this. When there are
mutually accepted rules in a relationship, the resulting unit will be
powerful, efficient, and personally rewarding. And the relationship
will be based on a foundation that lends permanence.
Because Libra North Node people are so tied up in their own
identities, they may be unaware of who they are actually dealing
with in relationships. They project their own identity onto the other
person and then try to relate to that person—which, strangely
enough, doesn’t work!
When people don’t turn out to be the way these folks think they
are, it surprises them. They picture the other person’s role, and
when the partner doesn’t play it, they become upset. They think the
other person is not being “fair” with them (that is, the other isn’t
being true to the role). Once again, they are relating to others in
terms of their own past-life military experience, where everyone
was considered an object and judged in terms of how well they
fulfilled their function.
These folks have difficulty seeing the other person outside of the
role they have projected. For example, I had a client with this nodal
position who discovered, after twenty-three years of marriage, that
her husband had sexually molested their daughter for several years.
She had absolutely no idea it had been going on until her daughter
went into therapy. There can be many reasons for this kind of “not
knowing”; but in the case of Libra North Node people, they never
did see who the other person really was.
As a by-product of projecting their identity onto others, they
expect others to be as strong as they are, as generous, as confident,
as disciplined—and they feel cheated when the partner doesn’t
exhibit these characteristics. They need to step into the other
person’s shoes. In this way, they can discover the levels of strength,
generosity, confidence, and discipline inherent in the other person,
and thus have more realistic expectations. Also, they will discover
certain positive qualities (ones that the Libra North Node person
doesn’t have) that the other person brings to the relationship. They
are learning that we all have different identities, and therein lies the
capacity for growth in unexpected and rewarding