Because of their past lifetimes in military environments, LibraNorth Node people lack experience in personal relationships. In amilitary setting, relationships are governed by protocol and firm,objective regulations that are understood by everyone. When itcomes to relating outside of a strict set of codes, these folks don’tknow how to do it. The simplest things about relationships—sharing, mutual helpfulness, and interrelatedness—that come sonaturally to all the other nodal groups are totally new areas ofdiscovery for Libra North Node people. When they make mistakesin their relationships it is not intentional or malicious, but ratherowing to a habit of following “the rules” instead of relating topeople.Another problem is that warriors don’t usually stay in town tobuild a family—they move on to fight the next battle. These folkscan be classic “one-night stand” people, making a conquest andthen moving on to the next person. For them, love and sex can becompetitive. They love the game of romance. Once they succeed(and the other person has been “captured”), they need to face thenext challenge. It’s all they know. Yet, as a lifestyle, this tendencyfor quick, superficial relationships leaves them feeling peculiarlyempty.The irony is that when Libra North Node people understand howrelationships work, they can be masters at it. They have superior(latent) talents for sensitivity and diplomacy, once they understandhow to access and apply them. Because their life purpose is tobalance past lives through partnering with others, they will alwayshave an abundance of people attracted to them.Some of these folks are afraid to love anyone because they aren’taccustomed to exchanging love. In this life, their early attempts mayfail because they haven’t learned how to exchange love. They closethemselves off emotionally in response. However, they are learningthat some people will love them for their innate individual spirit,and some will not. People are different, after all. It is not only howthese people present themselves that determines how others respondto them, but also the nature of the other person. Therefore, theyneed to be open and let others see who they are. Then they can feelsafe by knowing who loves them for who they really are, and becautious (in terms of giving 100 percent of themselves) with thosewho do not accept them.
These people want a partner with whom they can share the joysof life on an equal basis, who will reciprocate by feeding themappreciation. But for this energy to come back to them, they mustchoose the right partner. Part of a successful relationship involvesdiscrimination—seeing who the potential partner really is and notsimply how that person fills the Libra North Node’s needs.Sometimes their tendency to project aspects of their own identityonto other people is so strong that others feel uneasy around them.Libra North Nodes feel that they won’t be understood oraccommodated anyway, so what’s the use? This problem can robthese folks of true intimacy. An example is a client whose motherwas a Libra North Node person. When this client was promoted andbegan buying expensive suits appropriate to her new managementposition, she knew her mother would object to the expense. Becauseshe didn’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable, she hid theclothes in the hall closet until she had the privacy to transfer them toher room. This robbed both her and her mother of the fun of lookingat the new purchases together, which could have brought themcloser.Another way these folks misjudge relationships is by focusingonly on the qualities about the other person that they like. They maynot like all aspects of the other person, and they may block out theless appealing qualities, thereby overlooking what is actually goingon.The first step for Libra North Node people is to be willing tolearn about the other person. Does this person have goals and idealssimilar to their own? Does the person have aims that they feel theycan support? Is the other person a giver or a taker? What are theother person’s values? What kind of identity do they want to build?Libra North Node people must have the humility to be genuinelycurious about the identity of the other person and not project theirown ideas onto them. To understand another’s values, one must ask,put one’s own identity aside, and allow awareness of the other totemporarily engulf oneself.Generally it works better when the Libra North Node asks theother person questions first and then states his or her position. Thetendency is to say immediately: “Well, I would like to have amarriage where there are no children and both partners work andmake lots of money. What would you like?” If the other personwants to please, he or she will give a response that can beinterpreted as supportive of the Libra North Node’s position.But this is how these folks get into trouble. Their identity carriesso much strength that the other person may sidestep a directconfrontation because it could put an end to the connection. Otherswill generally yield, either by understating the importance of theirown position or by “going along” with what the Libra North Nodeperson wants.I had a Libra North Node client whose experience illustrates thisproblem very well. In his second marriage he was tremendously inlove with his wife, who was twelve years his junior. He had onechild from his first marriage, and he and his second wife had agreedthat they would not have children. This was his idea, but she talkedherself into it because she loved him so much. Once the agreementhad been reached (which he considered to be “mutual”), he had avasectomy. The marriage seemed “on track” for the first four years,and he was very happy. Then came the traumatic weekend when sheasked for a divorce because she wanted children. The marriage wasfilling his needs, but not hers. He was traumatized, and it took himyears to recover emotionally from the experience. Disappointmentfor both parties could have been avoided if my client had taken thetime to truly ascertain his partner’s desires. Then he could havedecided if he loved her enough to compromise his originalpreference in order to satisfy her need for a child.Libra North Node people should trust their own internal sense ofhappiness in choosing a partner. They will not be able to rely onlogic, but they can trust their feelings of love and attraction to be anaccurate guide. Once they identify an appropriate partner and entera relationship, the challenge for these folks is to be vigilantregarding their partner’s changing needs. When they cultivate thehabit of checking in and keeping in touch, they engender suchloving feelings in their partners that the results are overwhelminglyabundant.
These folks often are disappointed in relationships because theycreate expectations without accurately assessing the needs, ideas,preferences, or timing of the other person. They think it’s up tothem to reach the “goal” through their own efforts. In relationships,they seek relevant facts that will help them reach their goal with thatperson. Then they pull back and plan their strategy, based on whatthey believe are the partner’s characteristics, needs, and desires. Theonly problem is, they never ask for the other person’s input!Libra North Node people often presume to know the “charactertrait” behind someone’s behavior. But when they are wrong, it leadsto painful misunderstandings on both sides. They can also becomevery angry because they think others don’t appreciate who they are.They expect the partner to see how their talents could add to andbetter the other person’s life. Sometimes they become arrogant,downplaying the other person’s intelligence because the partnerdoes not seem aware of how much they have to give. They becomeangry and erect a wall of judgmental thinking that keeps othersaway.These folks need to expand their perspective to gain a moreobjective viewpoint through communication. Often, when they feelthat others don’t appreciate them, they haven’t clearly understoodthe other person’s concerns. To avoid feeling isolated and betrayed,they should ask the other person to define himself or herself fromhis or her own point of view; this will help Libra North Nodes gainan accurate understanding and far more realistic expectations.
These folks can appear to be very inconsiderate. They don’t takethe other person’s reactions, desires, or needs into account whenmaking decisions. They act without getting any feedback from theother person.For example, I had a client whose husband had this nodalposition. When they went on vacation, he would spend the entiretime sight-seeing and exploring. My client would protest that shewanted some relaxation as well. When they returned home,however, she would excitedly tell their friends about all thedifferent things they had seen. From her behavior, her husbandassumed that by doing what he wanted, she was also enjoyingherself. He didn’t take her protests seriously because he knew “howgood it was for her.” The Libra North Node often assumes that heknows what will strengthen the other person, regardless of thefeedback the other person gives him.The irony is that often these folks do know what the other personwill enjoy, but they need to temper that knowledge with feedback.In the above example, it would mean listening to the wife’s protestsand asking questions to determine her anxieties. Once the husbandwas aware of her concerns, he could work out a plan thatencompassed her expressed needs, and he would be rewarded withher appreciation of his leadership. This is how teamwork works bestfor these folks.
In the matter of giving, Libra North Node people must pay moreattention to their partner’s timing. When the partner expresses aneed, that is the time for them to give. They should put everythingelse on hold and listen to what the partner needs at that time. If theywait until they feel ready to initiate giving, the opportunity willhave passed them by.For example, the partner might ask for help with a project. TheLibra North Node person might say: “Oh, come on now. You can doit by yourself.” He doesn’t want to divert his energy and getdistracted by his partner’s problem. This instinctive selfishness canhave a subtle but destructive effect on the relationship. Libra NorthNode people can’t have the benefits of partnership without thereciprocity of giving. When they find someone they want to bewith, they need to take the cue on “timing” from the partner if thisis a person they don’t want to lose. This is a relationship lifetime;when they put their primary relationship first, everyone wins.
As much as Libra North Node people want and need a partner inthis incarnation, some part of them is terrified. They are afraid ofembarrassment—but they need that special relationship withanother person so badly that they simply must risk it. One of theirfears is of “being stuck”—making a poor choice and not being ableto get out of it. They are such perfectionists that they want theirprimary partnership to be perfect, too. If they choose the wrongperson and it doesn’t work out, then they will have to admit thatthey are having problems. What they’re really saying is: “I don’twant a relationship because I don’t want to look as foolish as otherslook to me if it doesn’t go well.”Because “looking good” is so important to these folks, it’s alsoimportant that their mate “looks good.” If they find some quality intheir partner less than compelling, they’ll want the partner to changeand may start to nag the other person. This never works when theLibra North Node person’s motive is to “look good” to others byhaving an attractive mate. Once again, the motive is self. However,if the partner also wants to change, and if Libra North Node iswilling to give support and help, both people can win.Until they lend their strength and discipline to help the otherperson overcome the limitation, often the partner’s condition willworsen. For example, if a Libra North Node person notices that herpartner has gained weight and seems unhappy, the first thing sheshould do is check in with the partner to determine what he wants.She could say something like: “I’ve noticed that you’re concernedabout your weight, and I’ve noticed that you continue to overeat.Are you upset about something? I’d like to know what’s going onwith you, and if there’s anything I can do to help.” In the process ofcaring and seeking to understand the other person, she can learnhow to help him overcome his problem. These folks are learning tocare about the relationship more than they care about their image.Libra North Node people don’t understand why others put upwith being treated badly. They don’t understand how muchsomeone can love another, and they fear passion and bonding. Theyare afraid that if they truly love someone, it may lead them to aplace that isn’t good for them. They must trust their hearts andbelieve that in alliance with the other person, they can develop ahealthy relationship. In this incarnation they can discover the joysof extending the love they feel for themselves to include anotherperson.
These folks are terrified of “co-dependent relationships.” Theirony is that because they want to be on the receiving end all thetime, they naturally become dependent on the partner’s giving. Butthe partner cannot also become dependent, because he or she is notgetting anything back from Libra North Node. When the partnerleaves (physically or emotionally), these folks are devastated andcan’t figure out why the relationship didn’t work.If these folks want true independence in a relationship, theyshould always try to give more than they receive. Then they will bethe “strong” one and can experience the joys of being vulnerableand interdependent with another person without the threat ofabandonment. It’s very important that they make a conscious effortto be helpful and giving in their close partnerships. They often holdback from giving fully lest they lose their identity. But not to worry—their identity is so firm, it’s not going anywhere!Libra North Node people need to be careful about using theirneed for independence as a defense against participating in theirrelationships. Their demands for independence are often poorlytimed and appear abrupt, abrasive, and alienating. This causes theirpartners to think the Libra North Node people don’t care aboutthem, and that both parties aren’t looking out for each other.Naturally, the other person doesn’t want to be the only vulnerableone in the relationship, and so begins to detach emotionally. Thisneed for time alone can be absolutely disastrous in intimaterelationships. If it is not handled properly, the people closest tothese folks feel unloved, unappreciated, unprotected, and withoutthe “special mutual awareness” that makes going through thechallenges of a long-term relationship worthwhile.Libra North Node people are so used to being independent andsecretive that when others start to really see them, they becomeembarrassed. They fear that being vulnerable to another person willmake them weak. They want to be independent all the time and theywant a relationship—and the two don’t go together! When they’releading, the focus is on them and they feel good. But when someoneelse is in charge, it can be embarrassing because they don’tunderstand their role. They need to recognize that usually otherswill allow them to lead if they’ll just take the time to check in andcommunicate. Others do not necessarily want to be in charge; theyjust don’t want to be told what to do without their feelings beingtaken into account.Libra North Node people place a high premium on independence,but in all fairness they support their partners in being independentas well. They think: “It’s fair if everybody follows the rules.” But astheir priorities change, their rules change and they expect everyoneto follow along. They’re so used to being leaders in pastincarnations that they think their job in this lifetime is to lead. Infact, their job now is to help others grow into positions ofleadership.