Compromise is an essential part of a happy relationship. Onlyby recognizing and acknowledging the other person’s needs, as wellas one’s own, can a win/win situation be created. When Libra NorthNode people operate from a vacuum, considering only their owndesires, they create a win/lose situation in relationships. Eventually,the person who is “losing” wanders off to find someone who willplay more fairly. The first thing Libra North Node must do isacknowledge the individuality of the partner and understand thatperson’s needs and insecurities.However, sometimes these folks don’t want to compromise. Theydon’t want to take the time to establish a clear understanding withthe other person. They may fear that if they are aware of the otherperson’s position, they’ll have to sacrifice their own. However, byrefusing to acknowledge the need for compromise, they negate theimportance of the other person and, once again, sow the seeds forending up alone. Sensitivity to the other person is essential. Whenthe partner voices an insecurity, that is the time to stop everythingand do whatever it takes to re-establish rapport.
Libra North Node people tend to have a “tit-for-tat”consciousness. They want everything to be equal, and they wanttheir partner to share in the sacrifices they have to make. Forinstance, if they have to get up at 5:00 A.M., they want the otherperson up with them. Rather than recognizing his partner’s need forsleep and caring that the other person is balanced within herself, theLibra North Node wants her up (making breakfast or doingsomething to help) so that she is balanced with him. But truebalance is each partner supporting the other 100 percent in beingbalanced and happy within themselves. Happiness in therelationship will be a natural byproduct. The relationship will thriveif the Libra North Node stops checking to see that he’s getting his“fair share” at every moment.When they do give, these folks should do it without “tooting theirhorn.” They have a tendency to take note of exactly how much theyare giving and then expect exactly the same amount of energy inreturn. At the very least, they expect recognition and profuse thanksfrom the other person; if it isn’t forthcoming, they remind theirpartner of how much they’ve done. Of course, by demandingrecognition, Libra North Node people have taken the gift back andturned it into a trade—warrior style! The secret of giving is that itcreates an opening to receive. Others will always give back morethan these folks can imagine if their giving is pure, with noexpectation of return. If they focus their energy on the other person,their partner’s resulting happiness will fill their hearts and makethem happy as well.These people want to experience the joy of having a partner tointeract with—and the joy of two people sharing a load. Theproblem is that according to their ideas, each person should carry 50percent of the same load. They must recognize that people arestronger and weaker in different areas, and that to measure givingagainst the “50 percent marker” in every area defeats a relationship.When they learn to give 100 percent where it’s needed, they willfind their partner is giving 100 percent in an area where they needsupport. Their willingness to do more than their share will comeback to them—in more than equal measure—over time.
These folks are accustomed to competition from past lives aswarriors, but in this lifetime their competitive spirit can hinder themin getting what they want. They are so used to fighting thateverything seems like a battle to them. They create oppositionwhere none exists, and by assuming that others are going to opposethem, they provoke the very opposition they fear. For example, theymay impulsively take off for an adventure without notifying theirpartner, thereby provoking worry and negative feelings. Otherbehaviors that sabotage their relationships include carelessness,rashness, defensive outbursts, noncommunication, and other subtle(and not-so-subtle) tactics based on the idea that they have to defeatothers in order to get their way.These folks are learning that their partners want to support andhelp them, as opposed to thinking that their partners are going tocreate problems. A shift in perspective is required: viewing theirpartners as being “on their side” and wanting to be supportive. Bydefinition, special relationships signal a willingness to let oneanother in on the deepest levels, to share from a position ofvulnerability and closeness. That’s what partnership is: two peoplehelping each other overcome obstacles that neither could haveconquered alone.
Relationships should be reciprocal and cumulative. When oneperson continually gives to another only to contribute to the wellbeing of that person—with nothing expected in return—therecipient feels that purity of intent and becomes more kindlydisposed toward the giver. Out of thankfulness, the recipient willspontaneously want to give back to the partner. It’s a natural process—we cannot force another person to want to give any more than wecan force that person to love. True giving is a loving response to thepositive way another person affects us.All too often, rather than truly giving for its own sake, LibraNorth Node people trade: “If I let you do this, then I expect you tolet me do that.” The partner does not receive a gift but somethingthat has to be earned. This robs a relationship of the feeling ofbenefit and the graciousness of giving. But when Libra North Nodesput the partnership first and are genuinely concerned about helping,both partners have a heartfelt desire to give back.
These folks are learning that, as the Bible says, “It is moreblessed to give than to receive.” It is not only more blessed; it is alot more intelligent. As a person gives, it creates a void; and naturecannot tolerate a void. Immediately life sends new energy to fill thespace. The problem is that Libra North Node is looking for thepayback to come in a certain form.For example, I had a client who went out of her way to comfort afriend who was going through a divorce. She took her out to dinnertwice and spent many intense hours counseling her, encouragingher, and helping restore her self-confidence. Two years later myclient was moving and needed a place to stay for a week. She calledthis friend, but the friend was unable to offer her lodging. My clientwas crushed. She had been keeping track of the kindness she hadshown this woman, and she only wanted help from her. Because hervision was limited to help coming only in that form, she overlookedall the other possibilities that life was sending to support her.When Libra North Node people keep score of how much they aregiving in personal relationships, they limit the vision of what theycan receive and where it comes from. Sometimes they cut off theirgiving prematurely, even though their hearts are enjoying theprocess: Instead of following their hearts, they follow theirscorecard. They may stop giving just at the point when the returnsfrom the other person were about to be forthcoming. As long asthey are feeling joy in the process of giving, they just need to followtheir happiness.By having a specific idea of what they want back from someone,they miss the rewards that are natural by-products of therelationship. For happiness, these folks must learn to appreciate theunexpected gifts they receive along the way.
Libra North Node people often attract partners who havetremendous potential but who lack the self-confidence to convertthat potential and reach their goals. Often, these are people to whomthey owe a “debt” from a past life. Perhaps the other personsacrificed self-identity and helped them to win in some way, andnow it is up to them to return the favor.On some level these folks know this is a “partnership” lifetime,and they actively seek a mate. But they keep attracting peopleweaker than themselves, which can make them angry and resentful.Owing to many warrior lifetimes, they have mastered selfdiscipline, single-mindedness, and efficient attainment of their goals—and think that other people should be the same. They tend todisdain others’ weaknesses, scorn their lack of self-discipline, andlook down on what they perceive to be their lack of courage. Theyneed to recognize that if they attracted a fellow warrior as a mate,this would be another lifetime of competition rather than a time ofpeaceful sharing.In fact, Libra North Node people have such strong self-identity intheir aura that it operates as a barrier to other people. They need towork on dissolving that force field, and they can do this mostefficiently by giving that energy to others who actually need it.They need to get rid of the excess energy around their self-identityso they attract people who need more self-identity: The other persongets a “charge” of self-confidence and the Libra North Node persongets a release. Both people win. The result is an opening in the auraof the Libra North Node person through which he or she can receivemore love and energy.
Learning how to relate with others in a meaningful way is theprimary challenge in this lifetime for Libra North Node people. Inany area of their life where they are “winning,” there is a strongpartnership behind them. In areas where they are “losing”—whetherprofessionally or in terms of personal happiness—they have not yetlearned the lessons they must pass through in order to buildsuccessful relationships.One way or another, these folks are destined to learn the value ofincluding other people’s energies as part of their plans. They canlearn the hard way—through battling and disappointment; or theeasy way—by acting on some of their life lessons. Each time theystrike out on their own, they either fall short of their goal or, whenthey reach it, find it to be hollow and unsatisfying. They arelearning to recognize that: “Hello . . . there are other people on thisplanet! Who are you?” They are also learning to recognize that theyneed the energies of others to nourish their own well-being andreach their goals.
These folks have such a talent for supporting and building upthe strength of other people that they may experience a long stringof relationships that don’t last. Those close to them become strongin their own right and then, for various reasons, a parting of the wayoccurs. This sometimes happens because—subconsciously—LibraNorth Node people work to build the autonomy of the other personso that they can be “equals,” rather than building a team. They cansee where the other person lacks confidence, so they reinforce thepartner’s strength. Once the partner becomes self-sufficient, he orshe doesn’t need the Libra North Node person anymore. Andbecause the focus has been on building mutual autonomy, it is onlynatural that both individuals go their own ways. But Libra NorthNode feels crushed—it seems unfair that as soon as the partnerbecame strong, the partner left.For Libra North Nodes, relationships should not be based on theconcept of two fully self-sufficient comrades sharing experiences inthe context of their own self-contained, separate identities. Thatsystem is based on barter, trading, 50-50 sharing, and sensitivityonly to self. It leaves out the magic ingredient of emotionalsensitivity that is so satisfying in a long-term relationship.When the emotional interconnection—the sensitive awareness ofthe other person and the desire to make him or her happy—islacking, Libra North Nodes’ partners often leave them. For thepartner, the alliance can become dry and loveless—based onsystems of expectations, rewards, demands, and “fair play”—so thepartner leaves to find nurturing elsewhere.The key for these folks is to notice and act when their partnerneeds support. Then the partner will be happy to stay because offeeling connected, and the Libra North Node will be getting all thathappy energy back. It’s a win/win situation.
Putting awareness and consideration of the other person first isessential if Libra North Node people want to have a successfulrelationship. To maintain a consistent base of communication andunderstanding takes more time than they are accustomed to giving,since they are used to only having to take themselves into account.But if they want a relationship to last over the long haul, these folksmust learn to be sensitive and listen to their partner’s needs.They also need to be careful not to injure others (physically,psychologically, or emotionally). Their partners may not make a lotof demands, so Libra North Node people may ignore them. Theyare shocked when the seemingly accommodating partners walk out.They hadn’t taken the others’ identity—their idiosyncrasies andneeds—into account.A team is two individuals taking care of each other, being awareof one other, compensating for each other’s strengths andweaknesses, and helping each other instinctively without beingasked. For example, if I injure my toe, I put a Band-Aid on it. Idon’t think about it or ask: “What has my toe done for me lately?”Nor do I expect the toe to recognize how wonderful I am for puttinga Band-Aid on it. I take care of it instinctively. It’s the same withteamwork—you are sensitive to your partner and instinctively stepin to help when there is a problem, because the partner is a part ofyou.Libra North Node people must be sensitive to their partners’insecurities and, sometimes, respond just to ease their fears. Not allquestions are asked with the intention of receiving an accurate,factual answer. Sometimes, in partnership, a person may ask aquestion with the motive of gaining reassurance or a feeling ofcloseness. For example, if a newlywed asks: “Do you think we’llalways be in love this way?” he doesn’t want to hear: “Well, I hopeso, but I guess one just never knows” (which would be a typicalLibra North Node answer); he wants to hear: “Of course we will be!”