The joy of self-discovery is one of the greatest highs for Aries
North Node people in this lifetime. Their best technique for selfdiscovery is the courage to follow their impulses. It may seem
illogical, but this approach will manifest vitality in their lives. Their
style may resemble that of the Aries Ram (sometimes butting their
heads, taking chances, and getting hurt), but that’s how they find out
who they are. The path of self-discovery involves taking risks and
experiencing the different facets of themselves, rather than results.
If self-discovery is their conscious, underlying motive behind any
action, they will never lose—because whatever happens will reveal
more about who they are.
When these folks see themselves through the eyes of others,
they can see who others think they are or who others want them to
be—but it isn’t really them. They have to be themselves, no matter
how others perceive them. And they aren’t going to find out who
they are until they begin expressing their inner impulses and letting
people know what’s really going on with them.
Seeing themselves through others’ eyes equals “how to lose” for
Aries North Nodes. It dilutes their confidence in making decisions
based on their own nature. As they begin seeing themselves through
their own eyes, they can start doing the things that please them,
increase their energy, and bolster themselves so that they feel
confident and nourished. They are learning that their behavior
doesn’t always have to be “logical” and that they don’t have to
justify themselves and their decisions.
They are also learning to shift focus from being sensitive to the
ebbs and flows of others’ needs and emotions, to being sensitive to
the ebbs and flows within themselves. As they develop this skill and
begin to live in a way that is fair to self, they find the sense of
justice they have been seeking. Only by respecting and honoring
themselves can they expect others to treat them fairly. They respect
themselves when they let others know their needs and expectations
in relationships. When they are honest about who they are and what
they expect, they will attract people who resonate with their values
and can give back to them what they need.
Aries North Node people are learning to turn their welldeveloped capacity for love to loving themselves. One of the
reasons they postpone letting others see where they stand is that
they are insecure. Thus, one of their challenges is to validate and
give approval to self. They need to support their sense of self by
allowing themselves to be seen. Once they begin to reveal
themselves to others, they build trust by seeing that self-revelation
actually works.
To motivate themselves to take this risk, these folks can review
their past experiences and see that the other ways they have tried to
balance relationships (compromise or evasion) have not worked. To
change the outcome, they need to change their methods for dealing
with others in close relationships.
In loving self, they are supporting themselves in actualizing their
own dreams. When they get to a place of loving themselves enough
to really want their ideas to work out, they will realize that honesty
is the only way to do it. “How am I going to make this idea work?
The only way I can do it is by taking out the barrier of dishonesty.”
Then, the energy of the relationship supports them rather than
opposes them. In the beginning, their fears make them think they
will face opposition, but they have to be willing to walk through
that fear for the sake of their idea. Then, because they are not hiding
anything, they can focus all their energy in the direction they want
to go, and even enlist the support of others in putting their plans into
action.
When Aries North Node people put themselves first, in a natural
way, everyone wins. What actions make them feel stronger, happier,
more complete, and satisfied? Self-love involves making choices
that support themselves. They can make a start by asking some
basic questions: “What is going to help me survive? What will help
me further my goals? Which road is best in terms of reducing stress
and benefiting my health?”
In realizing the goal of constructive assertiveness, Aries North
Node people must let go of a subconscious attachment to being a
“Nice Person,” which was their identity in past lives. In order for
their new, authentic identity to emerge, they need to express
themselves with no preconceived notions of what they “ought” to
do. The idea is to be impulsive and say what first comes to mind.
Honest assertiveness will teach them who they are and validate their
true identity, apart from others’ projections.
Rather than wait for others, these folks need to allow their own
inner impulses to motivate them to take immediate action. As they
validate their impulses by acting on them, their impulses will
become stronger and more energizing.
Aries North Node people are learning another aspect of
assertiveness, which is to let others know the boundaries of their
identity, to stand up for themselves, and to not allow others to abuse
them. They assume that others will be sensitive to them out of love,
but this is not always the case. Their job is to learn to be sensitive to
themselves and have enough self-love to not allow themselves to be
hurt.
There is a story of an Enlightened Master who was traveling
through India. He came to a village and noticed there were no
children playing. “Where are all the children?” the Master asked.
“Master, there is a huge serpent in the woods who comes at night
and eats the children,” replied one of the villagers. “Please help us!”
So the Master went into the woods: “Serpent, show yourself before
me!” And because all beings are subject to an Enlightened Master,
the serpent slid out of his hiding place. “Serpent, it is wrong of you
to eat the children of this village. You must never eat another
child!” admonished the Master. The serpent was ashamed and
replied: “Yes, Master!”
The Enlightened Master continued his travels, and ten years later
he carne to the same village and saw children of all ages. But in one
corner he noticed a group of children involved in some intense
activity. The Master approached and in the center of their circle
found the serpent, wounded and nearly dead from their torture. The
Master chased the children away and said to the serpent: “My
friend, how is it that you have let this happen to you?” The serpent
replied: “But Master, you said I was not to eat the children.” The
Master answered: “Oh foolish serpent, I told you not to bite; I didn’t
tell you not to hiss!”
This is what Aries North Node people are learning: to “hiss” at
the very beginning of abuse in relationships. They need to let others
know when their sensitivity has been wounded, or when they feel
inequity in giving, or when they need more support. The idea is to
let others know before they feel taken advantage of and withdraw
from the relationship, either physically or psychologically. If they
allow others to abuse them, everyone loses.
A major goal for Aries North Node people is learning to trust
themselves and be themselves—to find a healthy way of relating
that doesn’t trap them into being a support system for other people.
In their relationships, the end result won’t be love and fairness
unless they risk the honesty and integrity of being exactly who they
are. It means trusting their intuitive wisdom—that it’s coming from
such a strong base of love that if they really express that inner
spark, it will work out for everyone involved.
This takes courage and a willingness to experiment, but when
these folks trust enough to risk it, they’ll find that it works. Because
they’re not used to being a leader, they tend to fall back if others
initially resist their direction. They think it’s an indication that
they’re off track. Actually, their ideas are unique and innovative, so
often the first response from others is resistance. (People nearly
always resist a new idea because it means change. It’s a natural
response, and part of being a leader is understanding that.) As Aries
North Nodes continue to “make a show of confidence” and follow
their inner impulses, they’ll find that others will often adapt and go
along with their decisions.
They are learning to experience the joy of self-discovery. Life is
an adventure, and as they view it that way and begin following up
their spontaneous impulses and ideas with action, a sense of fullness
and happiness begins to grow within them. But they have to make
that decision to trust their own instinctive impulses.
For example, I had an Aries North Node client who had paid into
an Oscar pool at work—she had her own intuition about who was
going to win. But then she started talking to other people about their
opinions, lost confidence in her choices, and went with someone
else’s decision. When she lost in the pool, she felt very defeated and
wished she had trusted her own instincts instead.
These folks need to stop doubting themselves and simply start
being themselves. Their challenge is to act on their spontaneous
impulses. When they take responsibility for creating their own
happiness by actively pursuing a direction that could help them
reach their goal, they are led to activities and/or people that answer
their needs. After taking one step, the right idea about what action
to take next always seems to come to them.
For example, I had an Aries North Node client who had been
yearning for an appropriate romantic partner for years. However,
scarcity of any potential partners was interspersed with a few
disastrous relationships. Unhappiness and depression plagued her
until she had to turn to antidepressants for relief. Finally she let go
of her fantasy of finding Prince Charming and began pursuing
activities that gave her a feeling of confidence and made her happy.
She started feeling better as she became more actively involved
in things. Jogging was a source of enjoyment for her, but she didn’t
want to begin a routine all by herself in the dark, early morning
hours that were best for her schedule. Rather than postpone jogging
until she met someone who had a similar schedule, she took the
initiative and placed an ad for a morning jogging partner in the local
paper. Four people responded, she began running with them, and
one turned out to be Prince Charming! But this only came about
when she ceased looking to others for fulfillment and began filling
her needs in a direct and logical way.
Aries North Node people always want to pretend that everything
is fine. They feel guilty about having so-called negative emotions.
Owing to lack of past life experience being in touch with their
individuality, they aren’t always aware of their emotional responses
at the time they are happening. Sometimes they experience an
emotion and do not recognize it until a few weeks later when they
think back and realize: “I was really angry.” A friend may say:
“How was the month of January for you?” And they’ll say: “Now
that you mention it, I felt really lonely and depressed.” But during
January, if someone had asked how they felt, they would have
responded: “Just fine!”
So it is to their advantage to give themselves “time out” on a
regular basis to get in touch with what’s going on inside. When
they’re not aware of their emotions, they often react to things in an
irrational way that surprises them. When this happens, their
tendency is to go off by themselves, re-experience the emotion, and
think about it so they can be more rational. This works well,
especially if they can let the other person know: “For some reason I
feel upset, but I’m not sure why.” In this way they are honestly
acknowledging their feelings without taking it out on the other
person. Even if they do explode, afterwards they can say: “For some
reason I got upset. I’m not sure why, but I’ll think about it and get
back to you.” Even after the fact, it’s a helpful process.
Sometimes these folks are cruel and hurtful, and they feel good
doing it. They are angry—there have been too many past
incarnations when they were “nice” at their own expense. So now,
out of the blue, they lash out at someone who’s close to them—
someone whose love they can count on anyway. They unleash their
anger and then apologize. Subconsciously, they want to see if these
people will love them no matter what (as they have so often
accepted others), so they can better accept themselves.
In this lifetime, Aries North Node people are learning to integrate
negative emotions: anger, resentment, and the like. This energy is
healthy for them to express. It’s their power that they suppressed in
past lives to get along with others, and now these feelings demand
attention. These so-called negative emotions are their strength, but
in a coarse, unrefined form.
Rage, anger, and the like are all part of the yang energy (the
potent, assertive, leadership energy—the masculine part of
themselves) that has been so heavily repressed. Now Aries North
Node people must tap into this energy and integrate it with the
gentle, sensitive energy they have developed so well in past
incarnations; this will facilitate the healthy expression of their
warrior nature.
An excellent technique to help them with this process is a regular
program of physical exercise. Taking a martial arts class would be
perfect for releasing and integrating this intense energy. And if that
energy is being released consistently and constructively, it won’t
come out inappropriately. These folks need hard physical exercise:
aerobics, boxing, raquetball, tennis—activities that give expression
to their warrior nature—and they’ll feel great about doing it!
Aries North Node people have an aversion to competition, but
actually competition is very good for them. They get nervous
watching others compete, but when they themselves compete it
brings out the best in them and they handle it beautifully. It
strengthens and validates what has been suppressed in past lives.
They may fear losing, but if they review their past experience, they
are always able to shake it off—and then they are glad that the other
person won. If they do win they feel good, and they handle winning
in a way that’s “nice.” So they “win” either way, as long as they go
in wanting to win.
For these folks to enjoy competition, they must feel that there is
something worth competing for. They also can build strength by
competing against themselves. Instead of giving up after five miles,
they should try to go farther. They need to do things that reveal how
strong and capable they are. Also, they may see other people doing
things, and that gives them the impetus to try something new. In this
sense, they are comparing themselves to others in a positive way
that encourages their own growth.
Aries North Node people are learning to claim their own power
and to stand in their power when relating to others. They are
coming into their own. Sometimes they get scared when they see
how powerful they can be when they’re present in their own bodies
and fully grounded in their own identity. These natives still feel shy
and have a fear of expressing themselves. When they don’t stand in
their own power, often it is because their minds are making them
afraid of being wrong.
“Being wrong” is not the problem for these folks. They’re afraid
that if they’re wrong, their power is at risk of being invalidated. But
if they look back on experiences when they’ve put themselves on
the line and been wrong, they’ve still felt validated because they
took a stand and discovered something new about themselves.
Being present in their power and taking a stand are more important
for them than the outcome.
They must follow their impulses and take action—that is what
makes the difference in feeling good about themselves. Then they
are owning their power, and they feel good about their life because
they are in charge. When these folks verbalize their needs and
follow through on their own ideas, they feel exhilarated.
Aries North Node people have had many past lives supporting
others and being followers. In this incarnation they are to lead: first
themselves, and then others—so it is healthy for the warrior within
them to emerge.
From a very early age, these folks tend to find gratification
working in unusual areas, doing jobs that others usually don’t do.
This can lead to a position where they’re doing harder work; but in
the process of becoming really good at it, they gain a lot in terms of
personal growth and development. They hesitate to enter jobs in
which they are just “another number,” regardless of material
benefits, because it’s so important to them to be an individual.
When they analyze things, they have a slightly different point of
view than most people and enjoy being “different” in every regard.
One of the primary “perks” of leadership for Aries North Node
people is that they enjoy using their individuality to benefit others.
If they are the leader, they can control the work atmosphere and set
a positive mood for those around them.
Owing to so many past incarnations being the support person for
others, these folks are born knowing how to be supportive: They’re
sensitive and know what other people need to be happy. Since we
all subconsciously project that everyone else is like us, these folks
assume that others also know about support. So when they begin to
lead, they don’t understand why others don’t support them properly.
After all, they are providing the leadership, the idea, the
environment—even the good mood!
The reason others don’t respond with support is that they don’t
have a clue about how to be good support people. Therefore, when
they are acting as leaders, Aries North Node people must
consciously focus on what they need from others to feel supported.
Rather than silently expect that others will be sensitive to their
needs, they need to communicate directly and objectively what they
want. Rather than tell others what they are doing wrong or how they
are a disappointment, Aries North Nodes must positively point the
way, which gives others the energy to rise to the occasion. In this
way, they allow others to grow and learn how to be supportive.
One of Aries North Nodes’ jobs in this lifetime is to teach other
people (primarily their partners) how to love and how to be
sensitive to the identity of another person. They are learning to
creatively teach others how to be supportive, rather than resenting
them for not knowing how. A support person has to be conscious of
the other person all the time. It takes effort, but that’s what makes
people feel supported. This is some of the knowledge that Aries
North Node people are uniquely equipped to impart. By being
themselves, they teach others how to be supportive through love
and compassion.
Aries North Node people tend to be classic “co-dependent”
types. They have a history of depending on others to fill their needs
and then feeling that people have let them down. In this incarnation
they want to develop their independent self, without closing
themselves off to the benefits of a primary relationship. To gain
success, they need to view their relationships in terms of
interdependence—whereby two people assist each other in
developing their own independent strengths, encouraging each other
in their capacity to fend for themselves. Then, complete within
themselves, they can have separate adventures appropriate to each
one’s unique identity—and two different worlds of experience to
share with each other.
A healthy relationship is one in which two people bolster each
other’s identities as separate individuals while working toward a
common goal. Rather than being caught up in the energy of the
relationship dynamic, the idea is for each to consciously remain in
his or her own power while participating with the partner.
These folks have had many past incarnations supporting others
with no thought for themselves. So they tend to discount their
instinct that tells them when they are giving beyond the point of
balance, which drains their life force. They don’t usually notice the
energy loss as long as the other person is there; but when they’re
alone, they feel drained. In this lifetime they are learning to reattune
themselves and allow their internal sense of moderation to regulate
their giving. The process of sharing energy needs to be mutually
regenerative.
After all, the supply of golden eggs one has to give others
depends on the goose being alive and healthy. In past lives, these
people gave others all their golden eggs and then started giving
away the goose! Now they are learning to keep the goose strong and
well so they can give away the golden eggs without depleting the
source.
In one-on-one relationships, avoiding co-dependence means not
seeking to “fill in” when the partner has a need, but rather to
encourage her in knowing that (1) she has plenty of talent and
energy to handle things on her own; and (2) there are others she can
work with to get support. For example, the partner may want to
have her paintings displayed in local galleries. Rather than “pitching
in” and calling the galleries, Aries North Node could suggest that
she ask a friend to help or hire someone, or get an agent. This leaves
Aries North Node free to pursue his own interests.
The transition from co-dependence to interdependence is a threestage process: (1) co-dependent stage—two people totally tuned in
to each other and compensating for each other’s weaknesses so that
the team can survive; (2) independent stage—each person being
completely self-reliant; each person taking full responsibility for his
or her own projects, money, and day-to-day survival; (3)
interdependent stage—one person, independent and self-sufficient
in his or her own right, uniting with another independent, strong
individual to form a mutually supportive relationship and work
toward shared goals.
When Aries North Node people reach the stage of personal
growth where they are ready for interdependent relationships, they
really start to shine!