This can’t keep happening to me. My emotions are seriously getting out of whack.
I don’t know how many times I’ve accepted my death in the last few months and somehow lived to see the next day. The first few times, I just thought it was luck. Ok, I’m saved, what a miracle.
But the reality is, I’ve soon come to realize, this stupid idiot is seriously the best guardian angel out there. His timing is impeccable too. He couldn’t find us five minutes ago when we weren’t practically swimming in our prison, when we weren’t laughing and crying like idiots. No, he has to come dashing in on his white horse when I’m bracing myself to meet Satan. Or God. Or both.
“Nice of you to show up,”I mutter underneath my breath, feeling more than a little bitter at both the timing of his appearance and the emotions flaring up within me.
“It is nice, isn’t it?”Xavier’s voice rings back, and I expressionlessly turn my head towards the water furiously climbing towards my nose, my cheeks hot. Thunder echoes throughout the land, reverberating within our death chamber with astounding ferocity.
“Any day now!”I yell in response, unable to veil the terror I am experiencing. I curse myself, the world, and everything. This would be the time to give a last-minute prayer, but I don’t even know what to pray for.
“Mona!”Griffin looks at me, clearly concerned judging by the look in his eyes. An arm snakes around my waist, another reaching above the water to stroke my hair. “This will be the last…”He begins, staring me straight in the eyes with some fathomless expression I couldn’t even begin to understand. The last of his words are drowned in the screams of the wind, and I start coughing as the water enters my mouth and even my nose.
I guess it doesn’t matter if Xavier is here or not anymore.
“Xavier will save us,”Griffin cooed, his voice close to my ear, but all I hear is the screams, the building up of emotions that consumes both me and this entire area. I can feel it—although it is really hard to describe using only words—a myriad of sensations acting as a gravitation, pulling anything and everything towards this one place. All I can think, and for almost no logical reason at all, is that they are coming.
Accompanying this is a sense of futility, and even…pointlessness. What am I here for? What is the purpose of my life, if I come this far to die now in one of the most anticlimactic way possible? I wish I could turn back time, to just before I knocked into Griffin, to just before I hit Danae in the head, to just before I brought these innocent people into my world.
I say my world because the death accompanying every leaf, every single breath of air in this wretched place mirrors my own heart, and soon, my body in its entirety. And I know I will never have the chance to get it back again.
“Mona!”A voice screams in the distance, getting farther and farther away as I sink into the abyss, not knowing what is coming next. Strangely, I feel better than I have in a long time. Not because of the dwindling hope of life, but of the worry and the confusion that is evaporating into thin air. I close my eyes.
“Mona!”
* * *
“What… what happened? Why am I alive?”I sputter and cough, water spilling onto the dark green grass. My body turns to the side as I start to choke. Two hands touch my body, holding me upright.
“It’s alright. You are okay now.”The hands wrap around my legs and back, and I feel a rush of air as I am lifted into the air. I try to see what is going on, but the rain pounding on my face and the difficulty with which I am taking my breaths prevents me from doing so.
Tears start slipping down my cheeks as sniffles accompany my chokes. “Why…”I gasp, again and again, as bright flashes of light persistently invade my vision.
“Mona, you didn’t really think I’d let you go so easily, did you?”
At this, I force my eyes to open all the way, and the first thing I see is a lock of blue hair, glistening as the water dances down in waterfalls. Subconsciously, my hand reaches up to touch it, watching the way it shines in the light of the storm.
“We need to leave, guys,”a different voice erupts, and my attention is shaken.
“…Ray?”I ask weakly. There he is—I can’t really make out his face as he approaches, but there is no mistaking that voice. How in the world did he get here?
“Mona,”he says in a low whisper, “look out and see if there are Shifters in the area. I can smell them…but this whole wretched place smells like them, so it is hard to judge.”
“Ray, you’re asking too much of her right now.”The hands around me tighten. “I mean, look at her! We need to find shelter as soon as possible.”
My attention shifts to the world around me, and goose bumps immediately appear on my arms. I can’t help but shiver, which only leads Xavier to squeeze me closer to his chest. “Lean on me,”he whispers, his voice almost spellbinding, “Don’t worry about anything. I will keep you safe.”
“Xavier,”I look up, staring into his glowing eyes, “we are…surrounded.”I watch as his eyes widen, distracted by the beauty of his pupils.
“Where are they?”he growls in an almost indiscernible murmur. Ray runs back to the group of people standing by the well; I can see Danae, Yi, and Griffin backed up against it.
I can’t help—at least that is what I say to myself—but snuggle close to Xavier’s broad chest as I respond. “Everywhere.”
For they truly are, surrounding the clearing in incredible numbers. The scene is just as I pictured, and I think I know what they want.
“Let me down,”I say quietly.
Xavier’s eyes widen. “Never,”he asserts firmly.
“Please,”I respond in the same monotone.
“You’ll run away.”He squeezes his eyes shut, and his hands tighter.
I bring my hand to his face, gently tilting it towards my mouth. As if a spell has just been cast, I say something I never imagined would come out of me. Ever. “I’ll never leave you again, so don’t worry.”
Xavier seems shocked, as I expected him to be, so I use this opportunity to slip out of his grasp and start walking towards the well. As I do so, I wonder how exactly I am going to address this, especially with the rain that refuses to let up and the weakness of my demeanor. At the same time, I try to ban these thoughts from my mine and try to just feel instead.
It is strange, really, because the Shifters are not moving at all, almost as if they are barred from entering the clearing. Or maybe…they are scared.
I face them all, water pouring down my nose and chin, imploring with resolve I didn’t know I had. “Please,”I say softly, but it soon becomes more than a word. It grows beyond that, beyond me and anything I could ever hope to accomplish. I can feel the desperation emanate off that single word, observe the word fade away from the ear but grow in its deliverance. And as I watch in amazement, everything seems to rise from the well.
I could see everything, every emotion collectively coming together to form a strange essence that kept rising higher and higher. It is shining bright to combat the darkness, a life that embraces the land of the dead.
A smile graces my lips as suddenly the collectiveness dissipates, almost flying at lightning speeds towards all edges of the clearings. I can see the Shifters getting visibly brighter, as if they themselves have received a breath of life. Very slowly they start to disappear, vanishing into the depths of the trees.
It is then that I wake up from the spell and collapse on the ground. There is a series of footsteps, and then warm hands lifting me from the ground. Another hand wipes the mud off my face. “What’s wrong with her? Collapsing all the time, it’s ridiculous,”Yi snorts, and I realize he is the one touching me.
“I guess I’m just a light headed person.”I open my eyes and stare at him with the most intimidating glare I can muster. His own eyes widen, and he backs away. The water washes the mud away, but I am still covered in dirt. “I’m sorry you have to carry me, Xavier.”
“Why?”He asks, the hint of a smile on his features.
“I’m dirty.”
“Do you really think I care?”His laugh echoes throughout the land.
“Well…”I hesitate, staring at his face. He’s so…pretty when he laughs.
What am I thinking?
“Don’t answer that,”he says quickly, as if he is afraid of my response. “Are they gone now?”
“Yes, but we probably need to seek cover. This rain is not going to let up any time soon.”
“What did you do to them?”A small voice asks, and I look down to see a small toddler. I can’t prevent a smile from crossing my lips.
“I guess we can always tell time with Danae,”I joke, sensing Xavier’s eyes on me.
“I’m see-ri-us,”she whines, making me laugh even harder. I never get used to seeing her this young.
“I’ll explain later,”I respond calmly. I don’t even fully understand myself about this world or how to explain anything I have experienced so far.
“Are you…back to normal?”she asks quietly. I ponder the meaning of her question. Is there even a normal anymore? What does she mean by the word?
“About as normal I will ever be, I guess.”
“That’s great.”She smiles, and I am blinded by flashing teeth. I start to feel uncomfortable looking at her optimistic face.
“We should probably get going,”I turn away to talk to Xavier, “You can put me down now.”
“No,”he smiles mischievously, making my heart flutter incomprehensibly. Sometimes I just can’t understand myself.
“Um, really, it’s okay. I can walk.”
“Let me take care of you, Mona. You can’t fool me again.”I stare at his chest as he starts running, the others probably following right behind him. Feelings are coursing through me, confusing me to no end. Why do I feel like I want to touch him? Why do I even care at all?
It is as if I can’t reign myself in any longer. I imagine stroking his neck, unable to look away from his face as he stares ahead. This lack of control throws me off guard, and it seems to only happen when I am around him.
This may be something I just need to get out of my system. Regardless of how I got this strange desire, maybe some indulgence would satisfy me quickly and end this desire once and for all.
That’s it. He affects me just because I’m attracted to him. There isn’t any real feeling involved, besides this burning need I’m experiencing.
I loosen up, leaning my head against his chest, nuzzled against his body. I’m going to ride this one out, and only afterwards will I take my prescribed dose before leaving them. And this time, I am never coming back.
I can’t help but feel as if I am lying to myself, but soon become lost in the thoughts of the future.
“Mona,”Xavier’s low whisper dances to my ears.
“No…five more minutes,”I stretch my arms out with my eyes still closed, grabbing something and squeezing really hard. “I’m comfortable here.”
“Mona, you’re choking me.”My eyes snap open, and I quickly loosen my grip on his neck. Xavier seems amused, causing a blush to spread across my cheeks. My mouth opens and closes, almost like a goldfish. Mentally I scold myself for not coming up with a suitable response.
“You’re so cute,”Xavier smiles, and then slowly brings me to the ground. I suddenly notice that the rain is not pounding on me anymore, and the ground isn’t wet, either.
“Where are we?”I choke. My stomach growls as I survey my surroundings. Is this…
“It’s an alcove in the side of a mountain,”He looks up and away from me, “it’s small, but it’ll do.”He lights a flashlight and sets it in the corner.
“Where are the others?”
“There are series of caves and little alcoves in the mountains around us, and since none was big for all of us to sleep in together, we split up. The others are staying in a slightly bigger one a couple of miles away.”He smiles, and then digs around in his backpack. I watch his strong fingers as he pulls out a very strange-looking object. It is covered in sharp thorns and is about the size of a pear. “You must be hungry,”he smiles, giving it to me.
“Um, thanks.”I say quietly, surveying the fruit cautiously. “How do I eat it?”
“Oh,”he laughs, “I forgot that you wouldn’t know how to.”His long eyelashes suddenly flutter beside my eyes as his face grows close to mine. “You grab the top of the fruit, this stem, and one of these long thorns, pulling them away from each other as hard as you can.”His biceps are strained as he rips apart the fruit’s shell, leaving some blue thing in the middle of it.
“Are you even listening to me?”Turning to me exasperatedly after a few seconds of no response, he looks at me with concern. I watch the contours of his face—how his expression morphs from one to the other and how every movement just seems so tantalizing.
“I’m hungry…”I stare at him, almost as if in a trance, reaching one hand out towards his face. It is then that I suddenly realize what I am doing and pull back. There is no need to act like a freak, Mona. That is not how you seduce someone…even if you wanted to.
My hand suddenly turns and reaches for the blue object instead. As if to wash away my embarrassment, I stuff it in my mouth all at once, measuring the flavor of the fruit. It is unbearably tangy, leading me to almost spit it out all at once.
“Mona, what’s wrong with you?”Xavier leans in, his arms wrapping around my body to support me from almost falling over.
“I’m…sorry,”I apologize, taking one agonizing swallow. It makes me shudder, burning all to way to my stomach.
“It’s these clothes,”Xavier mutters, touching the wet fabric of my shirt. “That’s what’s wrong.”He rummaged within his small backpack, looking for something.
He’s right that my clothes are soaked, but that isn’t the problem at all.
“I have a few extra t-shirts,”he pulls out some clothing and lays it on the ground. “I’ll build a fire, and you change.”
“Change?”Subconsciously I back up against the stone wall, my expression of alarm. “Here?”There is no secluded section of this little alcove, with not much between the inward walls and the pouring rain.
“Would you rather do it outside?”He stares at me piercingly, a smirk on the edge of his lips.
“Uh…uh…”
“Well, get to it. I won’t look.”He turns and looks in his backpack again, swearing as he does so. “If only I had my knapsack…”
I reach over and grab a large t shirt, and then scamper to the wall. “Face the other way,”I squeak as he suddenly turns to gather some dry sticks from the alcove. He looks at me in amusement.
“Okay, if you insist.”Smiling, he slowly turns to face the rain. I can almost sense the laughter emanating from his being, laughter that almost sends steam out of my ears. Calm down, Mona. It’s okay.
I quickly undress, probably faster than I ever have in my entire life. My undergarments are soaked too, so I remove them as well and put on the huge t shirt. It swallows me up, but it isn’t very thick. It’s dry though, which is a huge plus.
Xavier turns around without waiting for me to say so, and his first glance is at the clothes I left on the floor. “Hey!”I exclaim indignantly, but he wordlessly crosses over and takes my wet garments without even looking at me.
“Everything, huh…”he murmurs, and then starts to laugh inexplicably. Sitting down by his little pile of sticks, he casts his first glance at me with that same smile on his face. “My clothes look good on you.”
I blush, turning beet red as I gesture to him wildly. “What about you? Your clothes are wet!”
His smile grows even wider. I’m sick of seeing it in some ways, and in others intrigued by how far it could possibly stretch.
“I suppose it is my turn.”He stands up, and almost simultaneous pulls his shirt over his head. My breath sucks in at the sight of his upper body, and I am unable to look away no matter how hard I try. He casts a glance over to me, and winks.
I can’t stand it. These feelings of…lust that are turning me into a mere animal. A beast, even.
He turns away and starts rubbing two large sticks together furiously. It takes only seconds before sparks fly and the fire is built. The clothes are laid out close to the fire, since there is no way to hang it from above.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”I ask, my voice unusually high. At this, he faces me again, smiling like a devil.
“I figured we could use the rest of the shirts as blankets. It’s a little chilly out here, is it not?”
At his words I shiver unintentionally, and he extends one finger towards me. “Come closer,”he says in a tantalizing manner. As if frozen, I just stare at him. “I have food.”He obviously can sense my hesitation.
For some reason, the only thing on my mind is him, no matter how much I wish otherwise. The sight of his strong muscles is embedded in my thoughts, barring me from basic actions such as…sitting. Or talking.
Chills run down my back.
He sighs, and pulls another small fruit from his bag. “Don’t make me come and get you.”Pulling the fruit’s shell, he waves the treat towards my face.
Almost robotically, I walk over to his side and slide onto the floor. “Good girl,”he smiles, patting my head. My hand automatically raises to knock his hand off, but the warm feeling that accompanies his gesture causes it to stop right before doing so.
He starts laughing again. Why is this crazy kid in such a good mood? I’ve never seen someone laugh so much in such a short amount of time. “What’s up? You’ve decided to be nice to me today?”he teases, flicking my forehead with his finger. It stings really badly, and I give him the worst glare I can come up with.
“That wasn’t the plan,”I mutter, reaching for the fruit as my stomach emits a particularly embarrassing growl that echoes within the cave. My expression twists into anger as he pulls his arm out of my reach.