Leo North Node people don’t like to fight. They may be experts
at provoking fights, but when it comes to getting into the trenches
and hashing out an emotionally charged issue, their tendency is to
withdraw. They either sit in silence, “tuning out” the other person
(which makes their partner mad), or they leave the situation to avoid
dealing with it. They can be like ostriches—sticking their heads in
the sand, hoping the problems will simply go away. They think that
because they are not participating in the drama around them, it’s not
their fault if the relationship becomes negative. Yet their lack of
participation often breaks the hearts of those who want to love
them.
When these folks pull out of a situation, they become
inaccessible. Then, when they think the emotional intensity has
diminished, they return and act as though nothing happened. The
problem is that they begin to accumulate a bad history with the
people around them. The unresolved problems build up, and
eventually their partners withdraw emotionally or physically from
the relationship because of the unresolved tension. Others may think
that these people don’t care about them because of their lack of
generosity in responding to others’ emotional needs.
Sometimes this occurs because of their ideals of how
relationships ought to be: “without any drama, nothing to discuss,
no issues to resolve; relationships don’t have problems.” They fail
to recognize that crisis can actually be a focal point that draws two
people closer in an intimate bond of understanding and empathy.
Willingness to help another person through upsets and frustrations
can result in a depth of mutual appreciation, open giving, and
loyalty that could not otherwise have been forged. Indeed, an
alchemical process occurs when two people make a commitment to
share in the process of giving and receiving on a deep level, being
willing to create something positive out of what may first seem to
be a negative situation. If these folks take the energy they put into
withdrawing and being miserable, and put it into becoming involved
and creating happiness, it becomes a win for everyone concerned!
For Leo North Node people, part of their detachment springs
from their innate sense of fairness: They support the individuality of
others and don’t want to interfere with—or suppress—the other
person. But in this lifetime these folks are learning to draw
boundaries, to say “no,” to say: “That behavior hurts me. If you
continue to do that, I will leave.” They are taking a hand in their
own destiny and giving the other person an opportunity to change.
This simple, honest expression of their own individuality is much
healthier for them than just leaving a relationship without notice.
Because they have the gift of being aware of what pleases the
other person, these folks assume that others also have the ability to
know what pleases them. So when others don’t “give back” (by
doing things to please them) they think the situation is unfair and
begin to withdraw. In fact, others are not ILS objective and observant
as Leo North Node people, and are often unaware of how to please
them unless they give some clues.
Leo North Node people have had so much past-life experience
being aware not only of their own desires but of the desires of
others that when they want something, they have already
established that it will be a positive thing for those around them as
well. Because we all tend to feel that others are just like us, they
assume that others’ desires also take everyone’s best interests into
account. But this is not the case. Others generally do not check the
“fairness” of their desires relative to those involved, and many of
their desires may be selfish and shortsighted. So when Leo North
Node people just go along with the desires of others, they often end
up losing and then they resent the other person for not having
looked out for them. They are learning to look out for themselves;
and if they are in a situation that is not fair, it’s important to let
other people know how they feel.
Leo North Node people are not comfortable with highly charged
emotions. They may evade communicating because they don’t want
a confrontation. Once they have made a decision (about not
pursuing a relationship, etc.), they just do it. They may even avoid
contact with the other person, who is then left hanging, not sure
what happened and why the Leo North Node person is no longer
involved.
Inwardly, these folks can be so aware of the intensity of their
partners’ feelings that it’s hard to express what they are feeling.
When they remember to objectively share their larger view of
what’s going on, as well as their feelings, it will help them
communicate. They have a reticence to tell the other person what’s
“wrong.” They’re afraid it may devastate the other person, whereas
in actuality their honest communication gives the partner the benefit
of their objective view.
But everything depends on motive, and their intention must be
cleat. If their motive for sharing thoughts about a partner’s behavior
is an expression of love, genuinely wanting to benefit the
relationship, their partner will feel the loving intent. But if they are
bringing it up out of anger, they will lose. Their objective view
really can be very helpful to the other person. But problems will
arise if these folks become rigidly attached to their insight, insisting
they are “right” regardless of feedback from the other person.
Leo North Node people have a tendency to not put energy into
their relationships. They go into denial about what is actually going
on. Even if the relationship becomes abusive, they tell themselves:
“This is how it is; everyone goes through this.” They continue to
hold on to their ideals, dreams, and expectations of how they would
like the relationship to be, without putting energy into creating what
they want, until one day they become so disillusioned that they give
up. Then they “turn off the switch” and leave. Instead, they must
learn to use their creative energy to change things into what they
want rather than detaching from how things really are.
These people miss tremendous opportunities in life when they
neglect romance, play, and giving love to others. They have the
potential to be surrounded by love throughout their lives, yet often
they end up without love. When they lose out on love and romance,
it’s usually because they are not willing to put enough energy into
the relationship to make it work.
For Leo North Node people, the answer is commitment to active
participation. Particularly at the beginning of a relationship, these
folks must be willing to commit 100 percent to creating a true
combining of their ideals and the other person’s ideals. They must
speak up about what they want after they find out what the other
person wants. Particularly in romance, they need to find out what
the ideal romantic relationship would be for the other person. Then
the Leo North Nodes person can determine if the other person’s
ideas are compatible. If so, the Leo North Node person can
confidently enter the relationship with his or her tremendous talents
for creating happiness.
Leo North Node people are wonderful with children, and
children are “good karma” for them. Being with children puts them
in touch with the child within. In fact, one of the main purposes for
Leo North Nodes in this incarnation is to get in touch with the inner
child and to allow that child to play and openly express itself. The
joy and vitality they feel through play pulsates through them and
resonates with the children, who have more fun with the Leo North
Node adult than they ever would on their own.
These folks recognize the individuality of each child and are
aware of how the child is responding to outer stimuli. They treat
children as people in ways that encourage discipline while allowing
for individuality. They have special talents with children. It would
benefit if they shared their knowledge of how to treat children
through the written or spoken word, or if they chose a profession in
which they could work with children. This would help others learn
how to treat children, and make everyone happier.
Leo North Node people can seem aloof, yet they long to be
involved in romantic, passionate relationships to feed their vitality.
Romantic relationships are based on giving—indeed, giving to one
another keeps the flame burning. The giving can take many forms:
compliments, encouragement, gifts, approval, understanding,
cheering up the other person, and countless other ways both large
and small. These folks are experts at knowing what and how to give
—when they remember to go out of their way and pay attention to
that “special other” in their life.
For Leo North Node people, motive is all-important. If they are
giving with a pure motive—to make a contribution and to keep the
energy flowing—then happiness is a natural by-product. But if they
are giving with an expectation of payback or “keeping score,” then
they are courting disappointment.
Accepting gifts and support from others is easy for Leo North
Node people. They were accustomed to receiving in past lives,
when their job was to allow themselves to graciously receive love
and help. However, after many incarnations in this process, an
inertia set in. They became bogged down, “overnurtured,” and lost
touch with their personal initiative—the vitality, excitement, and
creativity that come with being on the giving end of love. In this
lifetime, these folks want their creative power back. And it is
through giving that they can experience high energy.
The problem is that the process of giving without thought of
return is not instinctive for them. Yet such giving can free them to
receive more. When people focus on giving what they can in
whatever situation they’re in, they leave the channels open to
receive beyond their wildest expectations. But when they give in
order to receive, they can only receive according to their
expectations, which are naturally limited.
Having rigid expectations of what others should be giving back
creates a situation in which others can give and give, but the Leo
North Node never notices. For example, she may take a friend out
to dinner. A month later she has a serious problem, and this same
friend may spend hours on the telephone comforting her and
helping her see the situation in a more positive way. But if she does
not acknowledge the time and energy involved, she may still expect
her friend to take her out to dinner and feel hurt if the friend
doesn’t. Alternatively, giving freely (without expectation of return)
would leave her open to the goodness of life that flows from
unexpected sources. It would also help her appreciate all the little
things that others do for her that she may not have previously
recognized.
These folks may also begrudge the way others receive what they
give. If they give in spurts, giving can seem like a big deal to them
and they want the other person to appreciate it. They are learning to
cultivate a consistent, giving spirit—giving in all the little ways
that, in the end, are usually the most important.
If Leo North Node people keep track of how much they are
giving without recognizing that in the process they are also being
uplifted and revitalized, then they begin to feel like martyrs. When
they become aware of themselves as giving or loving, then these
actions become an ego trip rather than a true extension of
themselves. Sometimes they see themselves as going out of their
way to feed energy to the other person and make him or her happy.
This is just another form of keeping score. The truth is that when
Leo North Nodes do receive things, it never really excites or fulfills
them. What truly, deeply satisfies them is giving, and the other
person’s response of love and appreciation. This is what they need
in order to feel energized. As they learn the art of giving for its own
sake and feel joy in the happiness they evoke in others, they begin
to experience the satisfaction of living in a truly nurturing
environment.
Sometimes Leo North Node people exhibit a cynical reaction
when people offer to help them. They tend to undervalue assistance
from others, often to the point of repelling those who could further
their cause. But others are not encouraged to give more if what they
offer is not appreciated and acknowledged. These people are so
attuned to the idea that the Flow is bringing them everything they
need to create their dreams that they may forget to acknowledge the
special contribution of those around them.
These folks can be greedy in terms of accepting favors without
true reciprocation. They need to generously acknowledge and praise
the people who help them; in this way they will establish a bond
that encourages others to be there for them when they need further
support. Rather than being preoccupied with what others aren’t
doing for them, they could balance this aspect by deliberately taking
time each day to acknowledge the ways that others give to them.
This includes the small things like holding a door open, wishing
them a happy day, or simply smiling at them. Leo North Node
people need to see what is being given to them, since this mindset
will bring them a lot more enjoyment and love in their relationships.
Leo North Node people sometimes forget to acknowledge the
specialness of the people who trigger their energy, and think they
can create successful bonds with anyone who fits their basic
guidelines. They are learning to recognize this inner affinity of a
“special”—rather than simply universal—nature. Acknowledging
these special bonds also helps Leo North Node people appreciate
their own specialness.
Their tendency to undervalue those with whom they feel a special
connection often leads these folks to be careless with their romantic
partners. They may think that “all of them are the same” (the
opposite sex) and that it doesn’t matter who they are with. Then,
rather than make the effort of working it out with someone who
generates the feeling of “aliveness” within them, they may choose
someone who is geographically more available, has a more
compatible background, and so on.
On the other hand, when Leo North Node people summon their
energy and commit 100 percent to making a relationship work, they
give so much that the other person may be overwhelmed. The other
person may “fall in love” with them but may also seem to take them
for granted, not understanding the energy these people put into
making the relationship work. These folks need to receive the
energy of appreciation to validate their efforts and inspire them to
keep their creative juices going.
Romance is very important and healthy for these folks.
However, they can’t expect any one person to supply the amount of
stimulation they need to keep their vitality and joy alive. It is up to
them to cultivate a variety of creative interests and projects that help
energize them and keep them happy. Working with children can
supply this stimulation, as can acting, painting, sculpture, music, or
anything else creative and fun. Their greatest joy comes with the
process of full creative involvement—whether through a project or
a love affair!
Owing to so many past incarnations of objectivity and
observation, Leo North Node people are very aware of what brings
them joy and how they resonate inwardly to the people who cross
their path. They are instantly aware of true romantic connections.
When they meet someone of deep affinity, their heartstrings are
activated—they can almost feel it physically; there’s no thinking
about it. Usually they are attracted to a special vitality in a person—
a certain life spark. Because they have the gift of instantly
recognizing true romantic affinity, they assume that others have the
same gift . . . but this is not the case.
Usually, when they feel a tugging in their heart they look to see if
the other person feels the same—but if it wasn’t mutual, these folks
wouldn’t feel it. Generally, the other person is less aware of the
intensity of the attraction and may initially seem less interested. If
Leo North Nodes give up too soon, before the other person has had
time to become aware of the connection, both people lose. Thus,
these folks need to trust their gift of accurate recognition of a true
love connection, and slow down long enough to give the other
person time to recognize the depth of the connection. Their best bet
is to approach the other person on a nonthreatening friendship basis
and spend time establishing a genuine relationship.
These people love romance and actually need it to activate their
vitality and creativity. They know how to play the game, how to get
a romance started, and how to stimulate passion and make it fun.
The problem is that after the romance has been going for a while,
they may run out of steam. They grow tired of always being the one
to spark the fire and bring out the best in the other person. They are
so busy acknowledging the other person’s specialness that they
forget to create situations in which their own specialness can be
acknowledged. They keep the other person at “center stage” and
neglect their own needs for creative expression and attention.
In their romances, these folks must take responsibility for
creating relationships in which they not only give love and honor
the specialness of the other person, but in which they are also
honored and loved, so that the flow goes both ways. If they neglect
to express their own needs, they inadvertently create an imbalance.
When they realize that the relationship revolves totally around the
other person, with no energy coming back, they lose interest. Worse
yet, they may create a monster out of the person they initially
admired: The other person may develop a “divine right” attitude and
a puffed-up ego!
For example, I had a client with this nodal position who went out
of her way to make her boyfriend happy—doing the things he liked,
having little surprises for him, and so on. She encouraged him to let
her know what he needed in a relationship and then yielded her own
identity to accommodate his needs. He was totally in love with her,
but she noticed she was beginning to lose interest because the
energy wasn’t “coming back.” Rather than detaching from the
relationship (a normal tendency for these folks), she decided to take
the initiative and let him know what she needed to be happy.
She had a need for romance, so she bought him a book of “101
ways to say I love you.” She let him know that romantic cards and
flowers were important to her to keep the love energy going. She
told him how to react if she got in a bad mood: “Just make me laugh
and I’ll pop right out of it.” She practically gave him an instruction
manual for how to keep her happy. She was on track, taking a
straightforward approach to create the happiness she needed. In this
case, however, her boyfriend still didn’t “get it” and she ultimately
left the relationship. But since she had “done her part,” it was the
first relationship she ever left where she felt completed with it.
Leo North Node people think that half the process of having a
happy marriage is choosing the “right mate.” The only problem is
that they try to choose their mate mentally, rather than trusting the
energy connection they feel with another person. This can postpone
their having any marriage, or leave them stranded in an unhappy
marriage because they overrode what their hearts said and chose
with their heads. They say to themselves: “This person has a good
social background, they’re financially secure, they have the
qualities I would like to have in a mate, they are attractive, they will
make a good father/mother, they are about the right
age/height/weight; generally they ‘make sense.’” And that’s it—
they get married. Yet when they make personal relationship choices
based on mental “logic,” their choices rarely make them happy in
the long run.
Later in life these folks are generally more open to a relationship
based on the happiness they feel on a consistent basis with the other
person. When they find such a relationship, the other person may be
very different from what they thought they wanted; yet that is the
person who makes their heart sing with joy.
The romantic interaction that Leo North Node people seek in
relationships is perpetually available to them when they are linked
with a person who truly inspires their creative fire on a vital,
authentic (not mind-based) level. In such a relationship, where the
body helps decide the attraction, they are experts at keeping the
romance alive—they need this to feel involved with life in a happy
way.
On a deep level they know what is making them happy and what
is not, but they have to be willing to let go of their image of what
will make them happy and become more open to what they are
actually experiencing. When they take the risk and pursue what
genuinely makes them happy, they may feel a bit insecure at first if
people seem to resist. But others will eventually see the wisdom and
come into alignment with their choices.
Leo North Node people have had many past lifetimes in which
friendship was a major factor. In these relationships, mutual
dependencies were inadvertently created. In the process of
becoming so identified with their friends, these folks lost touch with
their own individuality. In this incarnation, when they first look for
support from their peers with similar interests, it’s not there. This is
because they need to learn not to rely on their friendships at the
expense of their own individuality and creativity.
While these folks are learning to be themselves, friends can
actually be a detriment rather than an asset. For example, if they are
having a problem in a love affair and ask a friend for advice, often
the friend will suggest they go in a direction that doesn’t work out.
It’s not that the friend wants them to be unhappy; it’s just that others
often give nonobjective advice: a reflection of how they would
handle the situation, and not necessarily what is best for the Leo
North Node person. These folks are learning not to depend on the
advice of others. They themselves are the master strategists; when
they follow their own instincts, they always win.
When these folks rely on friends and their friends let them down,
or they feel taken advantage of, the universe is saying: “You can’t
do that. You’re not going to compromise yourself. You’re going to
start being who you really are!” They identify so closely with their
friends that they give beyond the boundaries of what is appropriate
in a friendship. Then they expect the other person to give back to
them equally; when it doesn’t work that way, they are disappointed.
They are learning the boundaries of friendship; to give what they
can—without expectation of return and without violating their own
essential strength and energy. As they grow in the direction of their
own individuality, choose to express their own creativity, and stand
on their own, they will find that more reliable friends are drawn to
them.
One of their most important jobs is learning to credit others with
the strength and potency to create victories in their own lives. If
they do this, they will not fall into the trap of allowing others to
become unnecessarily dependent on them. When they hang on to
the idea that others can’t get by without them, it’s an ego trip. But
when they validate the individuality, strength, and confidence of
others, they gain confidence in their own potency to be an
individual and follow their own dreams—to be led by the little child
within that likes to play and have a good time. They must follow
and express that part of themselves, regardless of group pressure or
the acceptance of their peers.