Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to having to face Finn the next day and spent the morning hoping that he hadn’t been paying attention when I had suggested that we should look over the meadow lawn, but luck wasn’t with me and he turned up at the office just as Chloe and I were finishing lunch.
I had given Chloe a morning full of jobs on the opposite side of the garden from where I was working, for fear of blurting out what I had done. Keeping quiet didn’t make me feel any better about betraying her, or less embarrassed that Finn hadn’t requested a repeat performance, but it did save me from hurting my friend.
Peter, full of praise for my plans and proposals, had soon winkled the details of my heated moment with Finn out of me and said I should just come clean with Chloe, like I had with him when I had broken our engagement, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and opted instead to pretend it hadn’t happened.
That wasn’t an easy mindset to maintain when I could still feel the imprint of Finn’s lips on mine and when faced with him, standing just behind where Chloe was sitting in the office, it became even harder. My already flimsy denial bid a hasty retreat, and left me floundering, which was probably no less than I deserved.
‘I’m just going to take Nell back to the square,’ was all I could think to say. ‘It’s chilly this afternoon and she’ll be more comfortable at home with the heating on.’
I knew I was taking the coward’s way out, but I thought that if Finn wanted Chloe to know what had happened between me and him, then he might take the opportunity to mention it himself. She wasn’t going to hate me any less, finding out like that, but at least I wouldn’t be the one having to say the words.
The pair of them were coming out of the studio when I arrived back and Chloe was looking more than happy, so I knew he hadn’t spilled the beans. Perhaps like me, he was going to pretend it hadn’t happened. It would certainly make our lives simpler, and perhaps it really hadn’t been a memorable moment for him, but I was still full of mixed emotions.
I’d never experienced a kiss like it, the heat between us, to my mind, had been scorching and there was a part of me, quite a large part actually, that would have very much liked to experience it again.
‘The hares are amazing,’ Chloe beamed when she spotted me. ‘You should see them, Freya.’
‘She has,’ Finn said bluntly.
‘They certainly are,’ I agreed with a smile and making a gargantuan effort to pull myself together.
‘You didn’t say,’ Chloe frowned, looking at me.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘we’ve hardly seen each other all morning, have we? Now, let’s get on. It looks like it might be gearing up to rain and there’s loads I still want to get done today.’
‘You haven’t forgotten I need to leave early, have you?’ Chloe asked.
‘Bunking off now it’s getting cold, are you?’ Finn tutted. ‘You didn’t strike me as a fair-weather gardener.’
‘Not at all,’ she said primly, swatting him with the end of her scarf. ‘I have a meeting at school about a student who came to us recently and is struggling to settle in.’
‘You’re in demand, Chloe,’ Finn smiled.
‘All the more reason to cut the chat and get on then,’ I butted in, striding off with the heavy tray of daffodil bulbs under my arm.
‘Fair enough,’ said Finn, sounding equally crotchety as he relieved me of the tray. ‘Let’s get it over with, shall we?’
‘Whatever’s the matter with you two?’ Chloe demanded.
‘Nothing,’ we said together, before sharing a glance which told me very little about how Finn was feeling, other than that he didn’t really want to be anywhere near me.
Chloe didn’t look as though she believed us and I could hardly blame her.
‘I’m just feeling the pressure,’ I elaborated, as she came to link her arm through mine. It wasn’t a lie; I still spent plenty of time worrying that I wouldn’t hit the open day deadline. ‘And it’s making me jittery because I desperately want it all to be perfect.’
‘It will be,’ she said, squeezing me close. ‘We’re a team, right?’
‘Of course, we are,’ I swallowed.
‘Absolutely,’ Finn reluctantly joined in.
The area which formed the meadow lawn had been cut at the end of the summer which made it easier for us to negotiate. We looked at it from all angles before carefully marking the spots where Finn’s trio of hares would be most admired. Thankfully, focusing on the task had eased some of the tension between us and it didn’t take long to plot the prime positions out.
‘They’ll be great here now,’ I said, adding covers to the tops of the cane markers for obvious health and safety reasons, ‘but when the grass starts to grow up around them in the spring, they’ll look even better.’
‘And if the grass gets too high in summer,’ Chloe suggested, ‘we could trim it, but just around the bases.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ I agreed, feeling better for being out in the fresh air again.
‘And what about this lot?’ asked Finn, pointing at the bulbs. ‘Are they going in here too? There’s an awful lot of them.’
‘Yes,’ I told him, ‘they are. You need a lot if you want to make an impact.’
‘We’ve forgotten the planter,’ Chloe tutted. ‘I’ll go back and get it.’
I’d added the short-handled one to the tray but forgotten its long-handled cousin which kept bending to a minimum and saved a fortune in muscle soak.
‘You can go, if you like,’ I said to Finn, suddenly self-conscious now that it was just the two of us.
‘No, it’s all right,’ he said, picking up one of the bulbs and rubbing its papery skin. ‘I’ll stay and give you a hand. How are you going to decide where to put them?’
‘I have a trick up my sleeve,’ I told him.
‘Ah yes,’ he smiled, making my heart melt, ‘Luke mentioned that you have a way with bulbs, but he couldn’t tell me what it was because you had insisted on keeping it a secret even from him.’
‘I want it to be a surprise,’ I told him, ‘so if you are staying, you can’t go blabbing.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Promise?’
‘Scout’s honour,’ he said seriously. ‘I’m good at keeping secrets.’
I was just about to suggest keeping our kiss a secret when Chloe came back and the moment was lost.
‘Right,’ I said, ‘you two stand back.’
I carefully stepped up on to a tree stump and then used all of my strength to launch the bulbs from the tray on to the grass where they fell in exactly the haphazard muddle that I had been striving for.
‘Beverley Nichols?’ Chloe grinned, clapping her hands together.
‘Beverley who?’ Finn frowned, looking from her to me and back again.
I think he thought I’d gone a little mad.
‘Yes,’ I gasped, looking at Chloe who was laughing and shaking her head. ‘How did you know that?’
‘My nan was a huge fan,’ she told me. ‘She loved his books and had loads of clippings from his magazine column.’
‘Well, I never,’ I smiled back.
Other than Eloise, I’d never met anyone else who’d even heard of him.
‘Him?’ Finn frowned, looking more confused than ever.
‘Yes,’ I said, stepping down and handing him the long-handled planter because he was the tallest, ‘come on, I’ll show you what to do.’
Finn soon got the hang of it, which was just as well as there were quite literally hundreds to plant.
‘Some of these have fallen quite close together,’ he pointed out. ‘Do you want me to space them out a bit?’
‘No,’ I said, rushing over, ‘clumps are fine.’
Planting exactly where they landed was going to ensure they looked naturalistic rather than regimented. We were striving for swathes of colour not municipal park planting.
‘Are they all the same?’ he asked. ‘There are loads of daffodil varieties, aren’t there?’
‘There are,’ I confirmed, ‘but these are all the same sort. I’ve used them in a scheme before. In fact,’ I added, remembering and then thinking aloud, ‘they became a bit of a trademark for Peter and me.’ We had used them to great effect on at least three occasions and I couldn’t wait to see them swaying in the spring breeze at Prosperous Place. ‘And when they come up,’ I told Finn, ‘you’ll see why I asked Luke to get just one variety – and remember, no blabbing about what we’ve been up to.’
‘Are you talking just about the bulbs, or something else?’ he asked darkly.
Taken aback, I quickly turned away and got my foot caught in one of the planting holes he had made, but not yet filled.
‘Shit,’ I swore, dropping everything as the ground came up to meet me.
Finn swung into action and, before I knew it, I was safely enfolded in his arms and had been saved from the pain of a twisted ankle. I clung to him as I carefully lifted my foot out of the hole and gingerly set it down on the grass. Thankfully there was no harm done. Other than to my dignity, which had taken another battering.
‘I don’t remember that being part of the Nichols technique,’ Chloe laughed. ‘You’re supposed to be throwing not catching, although Freya is a rather lovely catch.’
I kept my eyes focused on Finn’s broad chest, let go of his sleeve and put a little distance between us, embarrassed that Chloe had commented.
‘You all right?’ Finn asked.
When I risked a glance, there was a smirk playing around his lips and I supposed I could hardly blame him. I daresay I had looked hilarious, but I couldn’t see the funny side.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘no harm done.’
‘What a hero,’ Chloe carried on, too far away to see my face as she pretended to swoon. ‘Although I would imagine women are always falling at your feet, aren’t they Finn?’
Now it was his turn to look uncomfortable. His face was almost as red as I imagined mine to be.
‘Not exactly,’ he said, turning his attention back to the job in hand.
‘Remind me,’ she said, wandering over, ‘what exactly is your current relationship status?’
I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and it had nothing to do with the tumble I had just taken. I didn’t like the turn the conversation was taking and knew I had to stop it.
‘If you want to ask him on a date, Chloe…’ I blurted out, but stopped when I spotted the change in her expression.
Her eyes were wide and her rosy glow was dialled down to deathly white.
‘No,’ she stammered. ‘That’s not what I…’
She bit her lip and her eyes filled with tears as she fumbled to pull back the sleeve of her coat to check her watch.
‘I have to go,’ she said, rushing off. ‘Otherwise I’ll be late for school.’
‘Nice one,’ said Finn, as soon as she was out of earshot.
‘I was worried you were going to say something about what happened yesterday,’ I said, my own eyes filling with tears, just like Chloe’s had.
‘Why would I want to tell anyone about that?’ he snapped back.
My analysis of the situation was right then; he hadn’t felt the same level of heat as I had, and I felt even more foolish than when I’d fallen over.
‘And I don’t think Chloe actually was trying to ask me out, was she?’ he said pointedly, making me feel even worse.
‘I’ll go after her,’ I said, my tears spilling over as I realised what I had done.
Chloe hadn’t been asking about Finn’s love life for her own benefit. Of course, she hadn’t. If I hadn’t been so stupidly jealous of their friendship and insisted on reading more into it, then I might have worked that out far sooner and stopped myself from making such a stupid mistake. All this time she had been trying to matchmake him and me, not him and her.
‘No,’ said Finn, catching my arm, ‘leave her. There’s nothing you can say right now that will make her feel any better.’
I hated to admit it, but he was right.
I sent Chloe a text that evening, apologising for my silly comment and making her promise to meet me in The Dragon Friday night so I could buy her a drink and say sorry in person. Had it been anybody else, with any other past, my silly faux pas most likely wouldn’t have mattered anywhere near as much. But dear Chloe, widowed so young, certainly didn’t need me accusing her of looking for love when all she really had going on with the man in question was an easy-going friendship.
I felt a bit jittery as I left the square and headed for the pub. The last thing I wanted to do, especially as the new girl on the block, was upset anyone and I hoped my new friend would accept my explanation when I told her in all honesty that my silly comment was the result of me feeling totally blindsided by my unexpected feelings of attraction for Finn which shouldn’t have impacted on her at all.