Capricorn North Node people too easily take on an exaggerated
“mother” role in personal relationships. This absolutely does not
work for them—or their loved ones. They often become lost in the
role of nurturing mother, subject to the constantly changing
emotional force fields of others. When they find their lives
swallowed up in catering to other people, they feel victimized. In
fact, no one requires the amount of “presence” that these folks tend
to provide.
Their motive in playing the role of the nurturing mother is to
keep the moods of those around them happy. But others perceive it
as interference, and Capricorn North Nodes experience an energy
drain, so both people lose. Also, oversensitivity to others’ moods
can cause these folks to be manipulated. Others become dependent
on them to supply physical things to keep them in a good mood. It
is a form of constant nurturing, and these natives generally feel
good providing it. But they should protect themselves from those
who approach them in hopes that they will play the “caretaker” role
all the time.
Philosophically, Capricorn North Node people think that all
people should help each other and, if everyone did so, the world
would be a better place. So they usually try to help if they can, and
they do it without an ulterior motive. But although they instinctively
take care of people, it’s often without knowing what will really
help. They consider others’ physical needs but not the deeper issues.
They would like to be able to take care of others’ spiritual needs,
but they don’t know how.
Instead of playing the nurturing mother role in this lifetime, they
need to put more emphasis on the “father” role—taking
responsibility to help others achieve constructive goals. This means
listening to accurately discern the intentions of the other person, and
then consciously deciding to help. Sometimes they take on a
mothering role in the hope that it will evoke a “take-charge” attitude
in the other person. Ultimately, for their relationships to work, these
folks must become conscious of how others are really feeling and
then take charge. If they need help in making a decision, they
should call on an invisible father figure—their Higher Power—to
enable them to assume the father role in difficult situations.
Capricorn North Node people value intimacy: being able to talk
freely, bare their souls, and be close without fear of judgment. They
don’t understand when this intimacy doesn’t happen. When they
find someone they want to be close to, they usually work hard to
create intimacy; but sometimes no matter what they do they
ultimately feel shut out. One of their lessons is learning not to take
things personally: Some people don’t want intimacy. Not everyone
holds the same values as they do. They are learning not to waste
their time trying to create intimacy with those who don’t want it. If
it isn’t working, their best bet is to let it go. They need to allow
other people to choose whether or not to be intimate, and respect
their choice.
On the other hand, some people may indeed want to be intimate
with the Capricorn North Node, but she may not value closeness
with them. The person might be a business associate whom she sees
regularly; but when they establish intimacy, the Capricorn North
Node ends up feeling drained or depressed. Perhaps underneath she
doesn’t really respect the other person’s principles. Once again,
discrimination is the key. It may be that there are some people with
whom it is not appropriate for the Capricorn North Node to be
intimate, even if the other person desires closeness. The native can
tell by monitoring her energy level. If she feels happy and
invigorated, then creating intimacy with that person is appropriate.
A primary factor in the problems experienced by Capricorn
North Node people in relationships and intimacy is their
disinclination to listen. They can be practically impossible to talk to,
unless the other person is willing to do all the listening. They are so
thrilled when the attention is on them or when someone asks their
opinion that they lose touch with what the other person wants. They
mean to be helpful, but since they don’t really listen they can’t see
where the other person is headed or the answer he is looking for—
so they just go on and on without any focus. Their minds jump in a
lateral direction. It reflects a lack of discipline on their part.
To truly hear the other person, listening has to be very deliberate
for these folks. Often they don’t listen because they don’t think they
have anything to gain. Unless it directly involves them, they don’t
take the trouble to come out of themselves and connect with others,
empathize, and actively participate—it requires too much effort.
They tend to think only in terms of: “How does this affect me?”
When something larger is presented, they don’t always understand
its importance. Indulgence in this tendency keeps them from
establishing the intimacy they long for, since they aren’t really
connecting with others.
If what the other person is saying doesn’t immediately affect
them, they start thinking about something else, so their response
may be inappropriate and invite rejection or misunderstanding.
However, they gain more from their interactions when they do take
an interest in the other person. When they deliberately pay attention
and try to hear the other person, their responses are much different.
Both people feel more at ease in the interaction, and Capricorn
North Nodes realize that putting energy into hearing the other
person is worthwhile. They will gain more satisfaction and a better
understanding of both themselves and others.
Capricorn North Node people also tend to project their own needs
onto others, rather than hearing the other person’s needs. They may
even say: “Tell me what you want, and I’ll see if I can do it”—but
then they don’t hear what the other person says. They hear the
words but don’t understand the meaning, so they can’t act on it.
Especially if the relationship has emotional or personal overtones,
the other person’s communication may seem threatening. This is
because deep down, they think they are incapable of filling other
people’s nonphysical needs. They’re afraid that even if they
understand, they won’t be able to do anything about it—and then
the other person will be disappointed and they will feel
incompetent.
To make their relationships work, Capricorn North Nodes must
deliberately concentrate on listening. Even if it’s something that
they fear may upset them, they must be open to hearing it in order
to gain accurate knowledge of what is happening. Their minds work
quickly, but unless it’s a poignant or pragmatic matter they know
they can’t process the information instantly, so they don’t even want
to allow the information in. It is perfectly understandable that these
folks don’t process information as quickly as those in other nodal
groups because their emotions are connected with their minds. It
takes them awhile to separate their mental process from their
feelings, and they need private time to reflect on the overall picture.
Being willing to think about it later gives them the space to listen
without feeling they have to respond on the spot.
Sometimes in conversation Capricorn North Node people become
flustered because the other person asks for feedback or advice.
They’re surprised that the other person would respect their
judgment. But when they haven’t listened, they haven’t taken
responsibility for wanting to help the other person and aren’t able to
respond. When they are focused on helping others, they can bypass
their emotional response and connect with their ability to see the
larger picture.
Another block to communication occurs when these folks think
they already know everything. And they do know how everything
operates in the context of their own world. They know how to
maintain the status quo in their family unit, and they’re comfortable
in their “womb.” They fight to maintain the principles of their
world rather than recognizing that there are other “worlds” from
which they could benefit as well. They will grow and gain from
what they don’t know, not from what they already know. If they
become more solution oriented—open to ideas beyond what they
already know—they will no longer fear not having “the answer.”
Not listening also causes them to miss opportunities because they
are concerned only with their immediate affairs and not the larger
view. In order to stop missing these opportunities, they can
consciously say to themselves: “What opportunity is this person
bringing me? What is the opportunity in this situation?” By
focusing on opportunities that are being presented, Capricorn North
Nodes’ capacity to listen will shift to a focused, take-charge mode.
Capricorn North Node people often are self-centered, and that is
one of the reasons they don’t use their gift of empathy: They don’t
want to exert themselves. They regard themselves as very practical
people. If they don’t think there’s something they can do about a
problem, they don’t want to “waste” the energy. They may think
they’re being sympathetic with someone, but it’s not true caring
because it doesn’t contribute to the other person’s well-being.
Empathy involves being with someone. It’s an active process:
“getting into” the other person’s situation and feeling what the other
person feels. What can help these folks make the transition from
sympathy to empathy is realizing the shortcomings of sympathy:
Sympathy doesn’t solve problems.
No other nodal group has such tremendous capacity for empathy,
yet Capricorn North Nodes may be afraid to actively empathize
with someone. They sense how the other person is feeling, and they
fear that if they allow themselves to experience it, they’ll get hurt
too and still not be able to help. When they do step out of
themselves and empathize with the other person, suddenly the
answers come to them and they are able to constructively improve
the situation.
For example, I had a Capricorn North Node client whose father
recently passed away. The day before his father died, my client
entered the hospital room and his father—who was in an oxygen
tent—stretched out his arms and said: “I’m having a hard time
breathing.” My client didn’t know what to do to help. So he stayed
for a few minutes longer, made an excuse, and left. When he
reflected on the incident later and empathized with his father, he
realized that he should have simply stayed and held his father’s
hand.
These folks have beautiful and loving ways of helping—when
they take a few moments to empathize, they know exactly what to
do. When they clearly distinguish between sympathy and empathy,
they want to be em-pathetic. They realize it is good to exert
themselves and contribute in some way so they feel connected and
can establish the intimacy they seek.