SATURDAY, APRIL 15, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
“There’s just one bad thing after another. When will it all end?” You can sure
say that again. Guess what’s happened now? Peter forgot to unbolt the front
door. As a result, Mr.
Kugler and the warehouse employees couldn’t get in. He went to Keg’s,
smashed in our office kitchen window and got in that way. The windows in
the Annex were open, and the Keg people saw that too. What must they be
thinking? And van Maaren? Mr. Kugler’s furious. We accuse him of not
doing anything to reinforce the doors, and then we do a stupid thing like this!
Peter’s extremely upset. At the table, Mother said she felt more sorry for Peter
than for anyone else, and he nearly began to cry. We’re equally to blame,
since we usually ask him every day if he’s unbolted the door, and so does Mr.
van Daan. Maybe I can go comfort him later on. I want to help him so much!
Here are the latest news bulletins about life in the Secret Annex over the last
few weeks:
A week ago Saturday, Boche suddenly got sick. He sat quite still and started
drooling. Miep immediately picked him up, rolled him in a towel, tucked him
in her shopping bag and brought him to the dog-and-cat clinic. Boche had
some kind of intestinal problem, so the vet gave him medicine. Peter gave it
to him a few times, but Boche soon made himself scarce.
I’ll bet he was out courting his sweetheart. But now his nose is swollen and he
meows whenever you pick him up-he was probably trying to steal food and
somebody smacked him.
Mouschi lost her voice for a few days. Just when we decided she had to be
taken to the vet too, she started getting better.
We now leave the attic window open a crack every night.
Peter and I often sit up there in the evening.
Thanks to rubber cement and oil paint, our toilet ; could quickly be repaired.
The broken faucet has been replaced.
Luckily, Mr. Kleiman is feeling better. He’s going to see a specialist soon.
We can only hope he won’t need an operation.
This month we received eight Tation books. Unfortunately, for the next two
weeks beans have been substituted for oatmeal or groats. Our latest delicacy
is piccalilli. If you’re out of luck, all you get is a jar full of cucumber and
mustard sauce.
Vegetables are hard to come by. There’s only lettuce, lettuce and more
lettuce. Our meals consist entirely of potatoes and imitation gravy.
The Russians are in possession of more than half the Crimea. The British
aren’t advancing beyond Cassino. We’ll have to count on the Western Wall.
There have been a lot of unbelievably heavy air raids. The Registry of Births,
Deaths and Marriages in The Hague was bombed. All Dutch people will be
issued new ration registration cards.
Enough for today.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
SUNDAY, APRIL 16, 1944
My dearest Kitty,
Remember yesterday’s date, since it was a red-letter day for me. Isn’t it an
important day for every girl when she gets her first kiss? Well then, it’s no
less important to me.
The time Bram kissed me on my right cheek or Mr. Woudstra on my right
hand doesn’t count. How did I suddenly come by this kiss? I’ll tell you.
Last night at eight I was sitting with Peter on his divan and it wasn’t long
before he put an arm around me. (Since it was Saturday, he wasn’t wearing
his overalls.)”Why don t we move over a little,” I said, “so won t keep
bumping my head against the cupboard.”
He moved so far over he was practically in the corner. I slipped my arm
under his and across his back, and he put his arm around my shoulder, so that
I was nearly engulfed by him.
We’ve sat like this on other occasions, but never so close as we were last
night. He held me firmly against him, my left side against his chest; my heart
had already begun to beat faster, but there was more to come. He wasn’t
satisfied until my head lay on his shoulder, with his on top of mine. I sat up
again after about five minutes, but before long he took my head in his hands
and put it back next to his. Oh, it was so wonderful. I could hardly talk, my
pleasure was too intense; he caressed my cheek and arm, a bit clumsily, and
played with my hair. Most of the time our heads were touching.
I can’t tell you, Kitty, the feeling that ran through me.
I was too happy for words, and I think he was too.
At nine-thirty we stood up. Peter put on his tennis shoes so he wouldn’t make
much noise on his nightly round of the building, and I was standing next to
him. How I suddenly made the right movement, I don’t know, but before we
went downstairs, he gave me a. kiss, through my hair, half on my left cheek
and half on my ear. I tore downstairs without looking back, and I long so
much for today.
Sunday morning, just before eleven.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
MONDAY, APRIL 17, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
Do you think Father and Mother would approve of a girl my age sitting on a
divan and kissing a seventeen-and-a-half-year-old boy? I doubt they would,
but I have to trust my own judgment in this matter. It’s so peaceful and safe,
lying in his arms and dreaming, it’s so thrilling to feel his cheek against mine,
it’s so wonderful to know there’s someone waiting for me. But, and there is a
but, will Peter want to leave it at that? I haven’t forgotten his promise, but. . .
he is a boy!
I know I’m starting at a very young age. Not even fifteen and already so
independent — that’s a little hard for other people to understand. I’m pretty
sure Margot would never kiss a boy unless there was some talk of an
engagement or marriage. Neither Peter nor I has any such plans. I’m also sure
that Mother never touched a man before she met Father.
What would my girlfriends or Jacque say if they knew I’d lain in Peter’s arms
with my heart against his chest, my head on his shoulder and his head and
face against mine!
Oh, Anne, how terribly shocking! But seriously, I don’t think it’s at all
shocking; we’re cooped up here, cut off from the world, anxious and fearful,
especially lately. Why should we stay apart when we love each other? Why
shouldn’t we kiss each other in times like these? Why should we wait until
we’ve reached a suitable age? Why should we ask anybody’s permission?
I’ve decided to look out for my own interests. He’d never want to hurt me or
make me unhappy. Why shouldn’t I do what my heart tells me and makes
both of us happy?
Yet I have a feeling, Kitty, that you can sense my doubt.
It must be my honesty rising in revolt against all this sneaking around. Do
you think it’s my duty to tell Father what I’m up to? Do you think our secret
should be shared with a third person? Much of the beauty would be lost, but
would it make me feel better inside? I’ll bring it up with him.
Oh, yes, I still have so much I want to discuss with him, since I don’t see the
point of just cuddling. Sharing our thoughts with each other requires a great
deal of trust, but we’ll both be stronger because of it!
Yours, Anne M. Frank
P.S. We were up at six yesterday morning, because the whole family heard
the sounds of a break-in again. It must have been one of our neighbors who
was the victim this time.
When we checked at seven o’clock, our doors were still shut tight, thank
goodness!
TUESDAY, APRIL 18,1944
Dearest Kitty,
Everything’s fine here. Last night the carpenter came again to put some sheets
of iron over the door panels. Father just got through saying he definitely
expects large-scale operations in Russia and Italy, as well as in the West,
before May 20; the longer the war lasts, the harder it is to imagine being
liberated from this place.
Yesterday Peter and I finally got around to having the talk we’ve been
postponing for the last ten days. I told him all about girls, without hesitating
to discuss the most intimate matters. I found it rather amusing that he thought
the opening in a woman’s body was simply left out of illustrations. He
couldn’t imagine that it was actually located between a woman’s legs. The
evening ended with a mutual kiss, near the mouth. It’s really a lovely feeling!
I might take my “favorite quotes notebook” up with me sometime so Peter
and I can go more deeply into matters. I don’t think lying in each other’s arms
day in and day out is very satisfying, and I hope he feels the same.
After our mild winter we’ve been having a beautiful spring. April is glorious,
not too hot and not too cold, with occasional light showers. Our chestnut tree
is in leaf, and here and there you can already see a few small blossoms.
Bep presented us Saturday with four bouquets of flowers: three bouquets of
daffodils, and one bouquet of grape hyacinths for me. Mr. Kugler is
supplying us with more and more newspapers.
It’s time to do my algebra, Kitty. Bye.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19, 1944
Dearest Darling,
(That’s the title of a movie with Dorit Kreysler, Ida Wust and Harald
Paulsen!)
What could be nicer than sitting before an open window, enjoying nature,
listening to the birds sing, feeling the sun on your cheeks and holding a
darling boy in your arms? I feel so peaceful and safe with his arm around me,
knowing he’s near and yet not having to speak; how can this be bad when it
does me so much good? Oh, if only we were never disturbed again, not even
by Mouschi.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
FRIDAY, APRIL 21,1944
My dearest Kitty,
I stayed in bed yesterday with a sore throat, but since I was already bored the
very first afternoon and didn’t have a fever, I got up today. My sore throat has
nearly
“verschwunden”* * disappeared.
Yesterday, as you’ve probably already discovered, was our Fiihrer’s fifty-fifth
birthday. Today is the eighteenth birthday of Her Royal Highness Princess
Elizabeth of York.
The BBC reported that she hasn’t yet been declared of age, though royal
children usually are. We’ve been wondering which prince they’ll marry this
beauty off to, but can’t think of a suitable candidate; perhaps her sister,
Princess Margaret Rose, can have Crown Prince Baudouin of Belgium!
Here we’ve been going from one disaster to the next. No sooner have the
outside doors been reinforced than van Maaren rears his head again. In all
likelihood he’s the one who stole the potato flour, and now he’s trying to pin
the blame on Bep. Not surprisingly, the Annex is once again in an uproar.
Bep is beside herself with rage. Perhaps Mr. Kugler will finally have this
shady character tailed.
The appraiser from Beethovenstraat was here this morning.
He offered us 400 guilders for our chest; in our opinion, the other estimates
are also too low.
I want to ask the magazine The Prince if they’ll take one of my fairy tales,
under a pseudonym, of course. But up to now all my fairy tales have been too
long, so I don’t think I have much of a chance.
Until the next time, darling.
Yours, Anne M. Frank
TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 1944
Dearest Kitty,
For the last ten days Dussel hasn’t been on speaking terms with Mr. van
Daan, and all because of the new security measures since the break-in. One of
these was that he’s no longer allowed to go downstairs in the evenings. Peter
and Mr. van Daan make the last round every night at nine-thirty, and after
that no one may go downstairs. We can’t flush the toilet anymore after eight
at night or after eight in the morning. The windows may be opened only in
the morning when the lights go on in Mr. Kugler’s office, and they can no
longer be propped open with a stick at night. This last measure is the reason
for Dussel’s sulking. He claims that Mr. van Daan bawled him out, but he has
only himself to blame. He says he’d rather live without food than without air,
and that they simply must figure out a way to keep the windows open.
“I’ll have to speak to Mr. Kugler about this,” he said to me.
I replied that we never discussed matters of this sort with Mr. Kugler, only
within the group.
“Everything’s always happening behind my back. I’ll have to talk to your
father about that.”
He’s also not allowed to sit in Mr. Kugler’s office anymore on Saturday
afternoons or Sundays, because the manager of Keg’s might hear him if he
happens to be next door. Dussel promptly went and sat there anyway. Mr.
van Daan was furious, and Father went downstairs to talk to Dussel, who
came up with some flimsy excuse, but even Father didn’t fall for it this time.
Now Father’s keep- ing his dealings with Dussel to a minimum because
Dussel insulted him. Not one of us knows what he said, but it must have been
pretty awful.
And to think that that miserable man has his birthday next week. How can
you celebrate your birthday when you’ve got the sulks, how can you accept
gifts from people you won’t even talk to?
Mr. Voskuijl is going downhill rapidly. For more than ten days he’s had a
temperature of almost a hundred and four. The doctor said his condition is
hopeless; they think the cancer has spread to his lungs. The poor man, we’d
so like to help him, but only God can help him now!
I’ve written an amusing story called “Blurry the Explorer,” which was a big
hit with my three listeners.
I still have a bad cold and have passed it on to Margot, as well as Mother and
Father. If only Peter doesn’t get it.
He insisted on a kiss, and called me his El Dorado. You can’t call a person
that, silly boy! But he’s sweet anyway!
Yours, Anne M. Frank