Taurus North Node people are born looking for their soul mates.
This can lead to promiscuity during their youth, with a tendency to
jump into relationships too quickly because they want the bonding
so intensely. Their challenge in this lifetime is to focus less on
bonding and more on building their own values—then they will
attract the right mate.
From past lives, these folks are accustomed to giving everything
and having the other person reciprocate. But in this incarnation,
much to the natives’ surprise, it’s not in their charts for others to
take care of them in the same co-dependent way. This is the
universe’s way of helping them break abusive co-dependency and
learn to be more self-contained. Deep in their hearts, more than
anything in the world, they want a soul mate—that special person to
travel with through life in a state of mutual vulnerability,
commitment, and empowerment. To have this dream come true,
they need to first experience being complete within themselves.
When they no longer need another person to make them feel whole,
only then will they attract the right life partner.
Taurus North Node people feel acutely lonely sometimes, aching
for their mate. They long for the comfort of consistent, dependable
companionship, and this is a lifetime where loyal companionship is
their birthright. But as with everything else in this incarnation, they
must earn it. As they work to experience their own wholeness and
direction and become a powerful river in their own right, they can
merge with another powerful river that is going in the same
direction, and together they can flow to the sea.
Yearning for the soul mate causes Taurus North Node people to
probe the psychology of others. In past lives this technique worked
for them: Their understanding of another’s psychological makeup
facilitated a bond of mutual empowerment. However, they became
so accustomed to stepping into other people’s psyches that they lost
touch with their own boundaries! Now, when they enter another
person’s force field they go too far and become invasive—and both
people begin to lose their sense of autonomy. Also, the other person
can sense that Taurus North Node wants the bonding energy, rather
than simply appreciating and empowering the other as a person in
his or her own right.
These folks think everyone wants the same emotional things they
do: love, acknowledgment, appreciation. So they give others this
emotional support and encouragement. But if they rush in and try to
change another’s mood, sometimes they are surprised when that
person responds with anger because he feels his boundaries have
been invaded.
Also, Taurus North Nodes often inadvertently become too
enmeshed in another person’s force field and begin to feel
uncomfortable. If they get too absorbed in another’s moods it
dissipates their own energy. When this happens, their best bet is to
excuse themselves and take a break to get grounded—walk around
the block, or touch a tree and allow nature’s nurturing energy to
pour into them. Then, when they feel calm, confident, and centered
in their own energy, they can again approach the person or situation
and know what to do.
In this lifetime, Taurus North Node people need to be able to
maintain their own psychic energy field as a separate entity before
they attempt to bond with another. When they do bond, they need to
create “space” in their relationships. They tend to do anything in
front of their partner that they would do in private, which isn’t
necessarily a good idea because the partner may begin to feel like a
part of them rather than a separate individual. Establishing
boundaries that support their individuality and self-worth is
essential in creating the space Taurus North Node people need for
their relationships—and themselves—to thrive. Being
unaccustomed to boundaries, at first they have difficulty
recognizing other people’s boundaries and establishing their own.
Yet if they stay calm, they will gain the awareness to define their
own so that their lives can be strong and they can have a greater
sensitivity to the boundaries of others. Healthy boundaries promote
self-respect and respect for others.
In Taurus North Nodes’ previous incarnations, abuse was a
factor—both giving and receiving—owing to the power struggles
that resulted when bonded relationships became too consuming.
One of their primary challenges in this lifetime is to separate their
identity from that of their parents. They have to establish
boundaries for themselves in order to break this bond, otherwise it
continues to create a power struggle.
These folks are learning not to abuse power; sometimes they
learn this lesson by being victims of abuse themselves. By being
victims in early life, they have a choice: They can abuse others
when they become adults, or they can break the pattern and not
retaliate for the abuse they have received. They are learning about
love and forgiveness; those lessons may follow on the heels of
having been wounded unfairly themselves.
Sometimes Taurus North Node people are in denial about their
difficult childhoods, even when the abuse was blatantly apparent to
others. They tend to portray their parents as good and see
themselves as having evoked abuse as rightful punishment for being
“bad.” They are all too willing to carry guilt. I had a Taurus North
Node client with two children whose parents had severely abused
her during her childhood: sexually, physically, and emotionally. Yet
she thought they had been good parents. This woman eventually
sought psychiatric care, and one day the doctor asked her: “What
would your children have to do in order for you to feel they
deserved the punishments you received as a child?” This stopped
her dead in her tracks, as she realized there was nothing her children
could ever do that would justify being treated in that way.
When Taurus North Nodes experience abuse as adults, they have
to first acknowledge that it’s happening. Then they need to extricate
themselves from the situation and break the psychological bond
through forgiveness. Often they do very well with psychotherapy or
some other form of intervention that enables them to uncover and
release past-life and early childhood memories of abuse and
feelings of guilt. Their tendency to perceive themselves as
intrinsically “bad” and disliked by others is actually their
oversensitive probing to evoke validation from others. When these
folks stop seeking validation, they will no longer be so vulnerable to
feeling disliked. Sometimes the people who have abused them do
shun them, and the reason is understandable: When one has abused
another, there’s a lot of guilt involved.
Taurus North Node people are the master builders. When they
focus on building a relationship and do it their way, in tune with
their own level of comfort, it will last forever. Their challenge is to
not allow other people’s energy to disturb their sense of what’s
comfortable—it’s not to their advantage to allow themselves to get
“knocked around” in any way.
Because they were not born knowing what is important to them
in life, Taurus North Node people tend to investigate others’ values.
But this never works because when others share what is important
to them, Taurus North Nodes say to themselves: “That’s not
important because of _____,” and the other person feels invalidated.
Not only do Taurus North Nodes lose out on what they are seeking,
but the process throws the other person off track in pursuing his
values, and he often ends up feeling upset.
Taurus North Node people have spent so many incarnations being
subject to the value systems of others that they sometimes hide what
they want if they think it’s not socially acceptable or not okay with
those close to them. But in this incarnation in order to build a sense
of self-worth they need to discriminate between others’ values and
their own and honor what they want. Only when they go after what
they really want do they feel good about themselves. For example,
if making lots of money is important to them, their tendency is to
allow the values of others to invalidate them: “Oh—that’s so
materialistic, and you’re a spiritual person.” Then they feel badly
and try to suppress that desire in themselves. This is typical of how
they undermine their own self-worth.
However, if these folks try to suppress their desire for wealth
because of someone else’s disapproval, they will end up with
money problems. If they try to solve their money problems,
something will work against them—because they feel guilty about
financial success. Then they will be “stuck,” not knowing why they
can’t get that aspect of their life together, and feeling badly about
themselves. Thus, if they desire wealth, their best bet is to openly
pursue it.
Discrimination is also an issue in that Taurus North Node people
attract “troubled” types as candidates for close relationships.
Perhaps owing to past lives of working with emotionally disturbed
people, or their attraction to “living on the edge,” Taurus North
Nodes tend to be drawn to people who are poor risks for closeness.
When they bond with and put their trust in one of these people, they
always end up being disappointed.
These folks are aware; they know when they are dealing with
someone who is so troubled that she doesn’t have the ability to give
anything back, but they are attracted nonetheless. They think they
can help heal the other person, and then they expect the other
person to be grateful and offer reciprocal support. But this equals
“how to lose” for Taurus North Node people! Their job is to
discriminate and form relationships with those who are already
psychologically healthy.
One way they get involved with the wrong people is when they
seek to gain validation from others by taking on their values. For
instance, even if they don’t take drugs, they may talk about them
and put up a front if they think it will make them look good. This
confuses both themselves and others: They repel those who would
normally be attracted to them, and they attract those who have the
same values they are espousing. If they get in touch with what is
really important to them and clearly represent those values, then
they will attract people who truly resonate with them.
In this incarnation Taurus North Node people need stability, not
crisis. To achieve this in the context of relationships, they must not
let their partner invalidate them. If the partner says something that
they are not comfortable with, they can let her know: “I’m not
comfortable with that.” In this way, they make the other person
aware of their boundaries, giving the partner an opportunity to
accommodate them and come into alignment with what they need.
As the relationship evolves, it will become apparent whether or not
this person is an appropriate partner.
Taurus North Node people love the energy of bonding with
another person to accomplish far more than either one could do
alone. This process, in itself, is fine. The problem is that Taurus
North Node “got stuck” on one end of the teeter-totter being
person?—the one who notices the worth of person A and helps
person A reach his or her goals.
This no longer works. It’s time for Taurus North Node to be
person A—the one who allows person? to be attracted and help
person A reach his or her goals. Taurus North Node people are not
selfish. When others empower them in manifesting their dreams,
they make sure the others are taken care of. But to achieve
successful bonded partnerships, Taurus North Node people need to
be the ones that others support! This means clarifying their values
and goals and allowing others to rally around them.
Because these folks are so accustomed to shared energies and
mutual empowerment being the key to their survival,
subconsciously they think they need another person’s energy in
order to live. This is why they often make poor choices in their
early relationships—they rush into highly charged bondings and
consummate them as soon as possible—their desperation blots out
their ability to accurately appraise the other person.
These folks aren’t standing on solid ground when they are caught
up in the intense energy early in a relationship. When they allow
that to happen, they become vulnerable in a way that requires total
trust. Then, if the other person pressures them for a decision, they
are tempted to commit to the relationship too quickly. However,
doing things quickly does not work for them; in this lifetime they
have to take the slow and steady approach to ensure positive results.
Relationships they just “plunge into” are almost predestined for
failure because their basis is a temporary energy connection, rather
than a true fit with the other person. Furthermore, if Taurus North
Nodes go too fast, the relations between themselves and the other
person that could fit (if given time for slight adjustments) don’t fit
because the partners have skipped the necessary stages of gentle
adaptation.
To achieve successful long-term relationships, Taurus North
Node people need to first recognize that their energy is enough—
they can live off their own energy. As long as they feel incomplete
they will continue to attract people who also have low self-esteem.
But without untamed neediness driving them, they can take their
time in discovering whose energy will actually increase them and
bring them joy!
Taurus North Node people are generally highly sexual. They
seek the intensity and excitement of sex and the bonding that is
possible through a sexual connection. Early in life, they may be
promiscuous. If they feel a connection with a person, right away
they want to get in bed to start the bonding process. Then the
relationship ends as quickly as it begins because there wasn’t a
stable base to support the passion.
These folks spend much of their lives looking for a soul mate—
that one “piece of the puzzle” that goes together perfectly with their
“piece.” When they are impatient and become sexually involved at
the onset of a relationship, without allowing time for a connection
to be established, it’s because they want a soul mate so badly and
think sex will tell them who that person is. The irony is that if they
take their time, the sexual energy will be much more intense and
satisfying because they have established a meaningful base for the
relationship.
However, they have had so much past life experience merging
with people mentally and emotionally that they often leave the
aspect of enjoying their bodies out of the sexual process. They can
“burn out” sexually in relationships and not understand why. In this
lifetime, it is scheduled for them to pull back from the energy fields
of others and establish a sense of “home base” inside their own
bodies; this is their key to a happy sex life. They need to
deliberately take their time in relationships, not rushing the sexual
aspect until they have fully developed a sensual connection with the
other person.
Taurus North Node people need lots of physical affection:
kissing, hand holding, touching, massaging—really tuning in to
how the other person’s hands feel on their skin and how their
nervous system responds to the other person, strictly on a bodily
level (without the aid of their imaginations). Then they need to see
how the other person’s body feels to them and if they feel a physical
response in the other’s body when they touch. Building this bodyto-body sensitivity will bring their full sensuality into play and will
provide a stable base for their sexuality. If Taurus North Node’s
body does not resonate with the other person, that is important
knowledge: He will not want to pursue a romantic relationship that
has no lasting substance on the physical level.
Over time, Taurus North Node people may begin to have sexual
problems with their long-term partner. When this occurs, it is
generally because they are using sex to barter for something else.
For example, if a Taurus North Node woman wants flowers or
jewelry, she may use sex as a way of manipulating her partner so he
will buy her those things. If a man wants certain behavior from his
mate, he may withhold sex or use sex as barter to get what he wants.
In this way the sexual urge becomes diluted by other motives,
and over time the sexual part of their union becomes less intimate.
The other person feels the attempt to control through sex and begins
to lose interest. As a result, relationships that were once highly
passionate may end up as platonic friendships, or cause a feeling of
impotence or frigidity. By seeking to mentally manipulate their sex
drive, Taurus North Node people lose touch with their own natural
potency.
In this incarnation, these folks are learning to appreciate the gift
of sharing sexual pleasure with their partner, without any other
motive. They are learning the value of the simple, natural pleasures
of life: food, sex, being comfortable—enjoyment of the physical
pleasures that are the gifts of having a human body.
Loyalty and commitment are very important to Taurus North
Node people. They do not generally “play around”; they want
someone to go through life with, a partner who feels the same way.
They want to feel fulfilled, so when they marry they tune in to their
mate psychically and begin feeding him or her power, validation,
and energy—expecting that their mate will reciprocate. This doesn’t
work because Taurus North Node doesn’t first discern what his
partner’s needs actually are, from the partner’s point of view.
Instead of tuning in to his partner’s needs, he projects his own
values onto his mate. He projects what he thinks she wants and
needs—and then he fulfills those needs—but his partner’s actual
needs and desires are seldom even recognized.
For Taurus North Node people, solid relationships are based on
each person taking responsibility for filling his or her own needs
and gaining energy from activities outside of the relationship. Then
a healthy bonding can take place that is based on mutual strength,
giving energy rather than draining it from one another.
They are learning that loyalty between two people in a
relationship is based on both people being loyal to themselves. They
need to establish a bond of loyalty to self before they can expect to
be loyal to another in a healthy way. For example, loyalty to self
implies honestly communicating: “I don’t feel comfortable with
this” rather than invalidating personal needs to adapt to the partner.
It implies taking a position of integrity—based on an inner feeling
of what is correct—and standing in that one place, rather than
standing in different places depending on where the most validation
seems likely.
Through living by their own values, these folks allow the right
person to respond to them and support them. This means being
willing to risk losing their partner. If they remain true to themselves,
honestly revealing what their inner comfort level is telling them,
either the other person will validate them by coming closer or the
other will leave and make room for someone more appropriate.
When difficult times create stress in a marriage, Taurus North
Node people view loyalty as the quality that keeps two people
together, working on the marriage, until they can get over the hump.
Loyalty involves integrity and a commitment by both people to
work on the issues rather than giving up. Taurus North Node people
need to feel that the other person will be there, so when they
become fully invested in the bond they won’t have the rug pulled
out from under them.
Because this is an important issue for these folks, when they
begin a close relationship their best bet is to acknowledge: “Loyalty
is important to me—knowing that my partner is going to be there
through thick and thin. Is it an important quality to you in a
relationship as well?” By making it clear from the beginning, they
allow the other person to see the type of relationship they are
offering.
This is one of the most effective ways they can take care of the
needy part within: discovering for themselves what their needs are,
acknowledging that those needs are important, and then clearly
communicating those needs to see how the other person responds.
The idea is to move the give-and-take of relationships out of the
realm of expectations and into the realm of open disclosure,
verbalizing what is important as the relationship progresses. Then
they can determine whether both partners want to meet each other’s
needs and make each other happy on the consistent basis that they
need.
Taurus North Node people tend to withhold what the other
person needs, because they are judgmental about what they think
the person really needs. For example, the other person may say she
needs to play bridge with her friends one evening a week. The
Taurus North Node partner may resist: “You don’t need that; those
people aren’t up to your caliber.” But by invalidating his partner’s
expressed needs, he undermines the relationship. His best bet is to
truly empathize with the other person without the overlay of his
own desires.
Because Taurus North Node people are so aware of their own
needs, when the partner asks for something their first response may
be resistance. They don’t want to keep giving because they feel
empty, so they deliberately withhold what the partner has asked for
and defend their position by becoming judgmental of what the other
person wants. In this situation, both people lose. The other person
feels deprived, so she retaliates by giving less to Taurus North Node
or giving with resentment. This seriously undermines the very bond
they want to build.
It is to these folks’ advantage to release their tendency to
withhold from their partner. Often, the key is discrimination. Does
the other person’s expressed need violate Taurus North Node’s
sense of self-worth? If not, it behooves him to give the other person
what she needs. Just as it is inappropriate for him to live by
someone else’s values, it is inappropriate for him to expect others to
live by his values. Other people are simply being themselves.
There is a difference between expressed needs and unexpressed
needs. An expressed need is something the partner says she wants
(one hour alone every day, time to do a project, dinner together once
a week, etc.). When Taurus North Node people generously
cooperate with those needs, their partners are happy and respond
with an outpouring of love and appreciation. An unexpressed need
is something projected onto the other person. This doesn’t satisfy
what the other person actually wants and leads to dissatisfaction for
both parties.
Sometimes these folks are afraid to reveal what they need for fear
of appearing selfish. Actually, when they don’t reveal what they
want, they deprive their partner of the opportunity to make them
happy. Also, if they don’t communicate their boundaries and let
others know what they need, people begin to lose respect for them.
These folks don’t object to anything; they don’t say: “No! This is
not okay!” Others tend to take advantage of them because they
don’t feel enough self-worth to stand up for themselves.
To Taurus North Node people, others can seem like gods who
hold the key to meeting their needs. But they overvalue others and
undervalue themselves. This is the imbalance that leads to
heartbreak. Once they recognize this, instead of trying to figure out
if the other person can fill their needs, they begin to let their partner
know how they feel and what they require to be happy. No
justification, no compromise—just simple revelation of what they
need in the relationship. By overtly saying: “This is what I need to
be happy in this relationship,” they give others the opportunity to
adapt to them. The irony is that when Taurus North Node people are
true to themselves in this way, the changes others make in their
behavior are generally beneficial for Taurus North Nodes as well.
These folks sometimes feel they’ve given and given and just
don’t have any more to give. This stems from being constantly
aware of their partner’s needs—it takes a lot of energy to keep part
of one’s concentration always attuned to the other person! The
feeling of emptiness is actually to their advantage: It reminds them
of the necessity to turn inward and meet their own needs first.
Otherwise the emptiness persists, no matter how much their partner
gives.
In the history of humankind, many negative thoughts and
emotions have been generated as a response to life experiences:
especially inadequacy, guilt, and shame. These feelings are not
personal; they are part of the collective unconscious. Although they
do not accurately describe us as individuals, if we identify with one
of these feelings we have a tendency to hide it. Then we think we’re
the only ones with these terrible feelings.
The process happens in the extreme with Taurus North Node
people. A negative emotion floats by and they grab it, hold on to it,
and try to hide it. In order to hide it, they have to bury it deep
inside. It takes tremendous energy to hide these feelings from
others, and the fear that someone will find out how they feel
generates a lot of anxiety. These folks are so sensitive and
psychically bonded with others that they think everyone knows
what’s going on with them all the time anyway, so they really
become intense trying to hide these feelings!
Their best bet to get past this anxiety is to simply expose what
they’re feeling, one layer at a time. When they expose it, they can
release it—the Light will dissipate it. They should practice
revealing their feelings in non-threatening situations where they feel
a certain level of trust with the people involved—although any
situation will seem threatening when they first take the risk.
They may start out: “There’s something I want to share with you,
and I feel a certain amount of fear in saying it.” That peels off one
layer. Then: “I feel anxious inside, and I’m not exactly sure why.
It’s like there’s some kind of feeling going on underneath the
anxiety, and I’m not sure what it is.” That peels off another layer.
As each layer is exposed and released, the next layer makes itself
apparent: “Gosh, I guess what’s going on is that, for some reason, I
seem to feel a sense of inadequacy in this situation.” Period. That’s
it. Once it’s exposed, it dissipates—there’s no more anxiety, no
more feeling inadequate, the whole thing is released. Through this
process, Taurus North Nodes’ inner negative feelings are
permanently discharged, and they begin to experience less anxiety
in all their interactions.