“It’s not easy to explain. It doesn’t matter, anyway.” He shrugged indifferently. “You wanted to know what happened to Sam to make him hate the vampires for changing him, to make him hate himself. And that’s what happened. He broke Leah’s heart. He went back on every promise he’d ever made her. Every day he has to see the accusation in her eyes, and know that she’s right.”
He stopped talking abruptly, as if he’d said something he hadn’t meant to.
“How did Emily deal with this? If she was so close to Leah . . . ?” Sam and Emily were utterly right together, two puzzle pieces, shaped for each other exactly. Still . . . how had Emily gotten past the fact that he’d belonged to someone else? Her sister, almost.
“She was real angry, in the beginning. But it’s hard to resist that level of commitment and adoration.” Jacob sighed. “And then, Sam could tell her everything. There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half. You know how she got hurt?”
“Yeah.” The story in Forks was that she was mauled by a bear, but I was in on the secret.
Werewolves are unstable, Edward had said. The people near them get hurt.
“Well, weirdly enough, that was sort of how they resolved things. Sam was so horrified, so sickened by himself, so full of hate for what he’d done. . . . He would have thrown himself under a bus if it would have made her feel better. He might have anyway, just to escape what he’d done. He was shattered. . . . Then, somehow, she was the one comforting him, and after that. . . .”
Jacob didn’t finish his thought, and I sensed the story had gotten too personal to share.
“Poor Emily,” I whispered. “Poor Sam. Poor Leah. . . .”
“Yeah, Leah got the worst end of the stick,” he agreed. “She puts on a brave face. She’s going to be a bridesmaid.”
I gazed away, toward the jagged rocks that rose from the ocean like stubby broken-off fingers on the south rim of the harbor, while I tried to make sense of it all. I could feel his eyes on my face, waiting for me to say something.
“Did it happen to you?” I finally asked, still looking away. “This love-at-first-sight thing?”
“No,” he answered briskly. “Sam and Jared are the only ones.”
“Hmm,” I said, trying to sound only politely interested. I was relieved, and I tried to explain my reaction to myself. I decided I was just glad he didn’t claim there was some mystical, wolfy connection between the two of us. Our relationship was confusing enough as it was. I didn’t need any more of the supernatural than I already had to deal with.
He was quiet, too, and the silence felt a little awkward. My intuition told me that I didn’t want to hear what he was thinking.
“How did that work out for Jared?” I asked to break the silence.
“No drama there. It was just a girl he’d sat next to in school every day for a year and never looked at twice. And then, after he changed, he saw her again and never looked away. Kim was thrilled. She’d had a huge crush on him. She’d had his last name tacked on to the end of hers all over in her diary.” He laughed mockingly.
I frowned. “Did Jared tell you that? He shouldn’t have.”
Jacob bit his lip. “I guess I shouldn’t laugh. It was funny, though.”
“Some soul mate.”
He sighed. “Jared didn’t tell us anything on purpose. I already told you this part, remember?”
“Oh, yeah. You can hear each other’s thoughts, but only when you’re wolves, right?”
“Right. Just like your bloodsucker.” He glowered.
“Edward,” I corrected.
“Sure, sure. That’s how come I know so much about how Sam felt. It’s not like he would have told us all that if he’d had a choice. Actually, that’s something we all hate.” The bitterness was abruptly harsh in his voice. “It’s awful. No privacy, no secrets. Everything you’re ashamed of, laid out for everyone to see.” He shuddered.
“It sounds horrible,” I whispered.
“It is sometimes helpful when we need to coordinate,” he said grudgingly. “Once in a blue moon, when some bloodsucker crosses into our territory. Laurent was fun. And if the Cullens hadn’t gotten in our way last Saturday . . . ugh!” he groaned. “We could have had her!” His fists clenched into angry balls.
I flinched. As much as I worried about Jasper or Emmett getting hurt, it was nothing like the panic I felt at the idea of Jacob going up against Victoria. Emmett and Jasper were the closest thing to indestructible I could imagine. Jacob was still warm, still comparatively human. Mortal. I thought of Jacob facing Victoria, her brilliant hair blowing around her oddly feline face . . . and shuddered.
Jacob looked up at me with a curious expression. “But isn’t it like that for you all the time? Having him in your head?”
“Oh, no. Edward’s never in my head. He only wishes.”
Jacob’s expression became confused.
“He can’t hear me,” I explained, my voice a tiny bit smug from old habit. “I’m the only one like that, for him. We don’t know why he can’t.”
“Weird,” Jacob said.
“Yeah.” The smugness faded. “It probably means there’s something wrong with my brain,” I admitted.
“I already knew there was something wrong with your brain,” Jacob muttered.
“Thanks.”
The sun broke through the clouds suddenly, a surprise I hadn’t been expecting, and I had to narrow my eyes against the glare off the water. Everything changed color — the waves turned from gray to blue, the trees from dull olive to brilliant jade, and the rainbow-hued pebbles glittered like jewels.
We squinted for a moment, letting our eyes adjust. There were no sounds besides the hollow roar of the waves that echoed from every side of the sheltered harbor, the soft grinding of the stones against each other under the water’s movement, and the cry of gulls high overhead. It was very peaceful.
Jacob settled closer to me, so that he was leaning against my arm. He was so warm. After a minute of this, I shrugged out of my rain jacket. He made a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat, and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I could feel the sun heat my skin — thought it was not quite as warm as Jacob — and I wondered idly how long it would take me to burn.
Absentmindedly, I twisted my right hand to the side, and watched the sunlight glitter subtly off the scar James had left there.
“What are you thinking about?” he murmured.
“The sun.”
“Mmm. It’s nice.”
“What are you thinking about?” I asked.
He chuckled to himself. “I was remembering that moronic movie you took me to. And Mike Newton puking all over everything.”
I laughed, too, surprised by how time had changed the memory. It used to be one of stress, of confusion. So much had changed that night. . . . And now I could laugh. It was the last night Jacob and I had had before he’d learned the truth about his heritage. The last human memory. An oddly pleasant memory now.
“I miss that,” Jacob said. “The way it used to be so easy . . . uncomplicated. I’m glad I’ve got a good memory.” He sighed.
He felt the sudden tension in my body as his words triggered a memory of my own.
“What is it?” he asked.
“About that good memory of yours . . .” I pulled away from him so that I could read his face. At the moment, it was confused. “Do you mind telling me what you were doing Monday morning? You were thinking something that bothered Edward.” Bothered wasn’t quite the word for it, but I wanted an answer, so I thought it was best not to start out too severely.
Jacob’s face brightened with understanding, and he laughed. “I was just thinking about you. Didn’t like that much, did he?”
“Me? What about me?”
Jacob laughed, with a harder edge this time. “I was remembering the way you looked that night Sam found you — I’ve seen it in his head, and it’s like I was there; that memory has always haunted Sam, you know. And then I remembered how you looked the first time you came to my place. I bet you don’t even realize what a mess you were then, Bella. It was weeks before you started to look human again. And I remembered how you always used to have your arms wrapped around yourself, trying to hold yourself together. . . .” Jacob winced, and then shook his head. “It’s hard for me to remember how sad you were, and it wasn’t my fault. So I figured it would be harder for him. And I thought he ought to get a look at what he’d done.”
I smacked his shoulder. It hurt my hand. “Jacob Black, don’t you ever do that again! Promise me you won’t.”
“No way. I haven’t had that much fun in months.”
“So help me, Jake —”
“Oh, get a grip, Bella. When am I ever going to see him again? Don’t worry about it.”
I got to my feet, and he caught my hand as I started to walk away. I tried to tug free.
“I’m leaving, Jacob.”
“No, don’t go yet,” he protested, his hand tightening around mine. “I’m sorry. And . . . okay, I won’t do it again. Promise.”
I sighed. “Thanks, Jake.”
“Come on, we’ll go back to my house,” he said eagerly.
“Actually, I think I really do need to go. Angela Weber is expecting me, and I know Alice is worried. I don’t want to upset her too much.”
“But you just got here!”
“It feels that way,” I agreed. I glared up at the sun, somehow already directly overhead. How had the time passed so quickly?
His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again,” he said in a hurt voice.
“I’ll come back the next time he’s away,” I promised impulsively.
“Away?” Jacob rolled his eyes. “That’s a nice way to describe what he’s doing. Disgusting parasites.”
“If you can’t be nice, I won’t come back at all!” I threatened, trying to pull my hand free. He refused to let go.
“Aw, don’t be mad,” he said, grinning. “Knee-jerk reaction.”
“If I’m going to try to come back again, you’re going to have to get something straight, okay?”
He waited.
“See,” I explained. “I don’t care who’s a vampire and who’s a werewolf. That’s irrelevant. You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “But I am a werewolf,” he said unwillingly. “And he is a vampire,” he added with obvious revulsion.
“And I’m a Virgo!” I shouted, exasperated.
He raised his eyebrows, measuring my expression with curious eyes. Finally, he shrugged.
“If you can really see it that way . . .”
“I can. I do.”
“Okay. Just Bella and Jacob. None of those freaky Virgos here.” He smiled at me, the warm, familiar smile that I had missed so much. I felt the answering smile spread across my face.
“I’ve really missed you, Jake,” I admitted impulsively.
“Me, too,” his smile widened. His eyes were happy and clear, free for once of the angry bitterness. “More than you know. Will you come back soon?”
“As soon as I can,” I promised.