Through the ceiling, I listened to the sound of Bella wrestling with her wardrobe. There was not as much commotion as two nights ago, when she was preparing for our trip to the meadow, but it was close. I hoped she wasn’t too stressed about how she would appear to my family. Alice and Esme already loved her unconditionally. The others wouldn’t notice her clothes—they would only see a human girl brave enough to visit a house full of vampires. Even Jasper would have to be impressed by that.
I’d pulled myself together by the time she ran back down the stairs. Just focus on the day ahead. Focus on the next twelve hours at Bella’s side. Surely that was enough to keep me smiling.
“Okay, I’m decent,” she called as she took the stairs two at a time. I caught her as she nearly collided with me. She looked up with a wide grin, and all my lingering doubts crumbled away.
As I’d known she would be, she was wearing the blue blouse she’d worn in Port Angeles. My favorite, I supposed. She looked so pretty. And I liked the way she’d pulled her hair back. There was no way for her to hide behind it now.
Impulsively, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I breathed in her fragrance, and smiled.
“Wrong again,” I teased. “You are utterly indecent. No one should look so tempting, it’s not fair.”
She pushed against my hold and I loosened my arms. She leaned back just far enough to read my face.
“Tempting how?” she asked, cautious. “I can change.…”
Last night, she’d asked me if I was attracted to her as a woman. Though I felt it was so obvious as to be ridiculous, maybe, somehow, she still didn’t understand.
“You are so absurd.” I laughed, and then kissed her forehead, letting the feel of her skin against my lips wash like a wave of electricity down the length of my body. “Shall I explain how you are tempting me?”
Slowly, my fingers followed the length of her spine, discovering the curve at the small of her back, then resting atop the slope of her hip. Though I’d meant to tease her, I was soon lost in the moment as well. My lips brushed against her temple, and I heard my breath speeding to match her heart. Her fingers trembled against my chest.
I only had to incline my head, and then her lips, so soft and warm, were just a hair’s breadth away from my own. Carefully, wary of the power of the alchemy, I touched my lips to hers.
While my whole body again overflowed with light and electricity, I waited for her reaction, ready to disengage if things got out of hand. She was more careful this time, holding herself nearly motionless. Even her trembling had stilled.
Moving with what caution I could muster in the face of what I was feeling, I pressed my lips more firmly against hers, savoring their soft yield. I was not as much in control of myself as I should have been. I let my lips fall open, wanting to feel her breath in my mouth.
Just at that moment, her legs seemed to give out, and she slid through my arms toward the floor.
I caught her at once, holding her upright. I held up her head with my left hand; it rocked, loose on her neck. Her eyes were closed and her lips white.
“Bella?” I shouted, panicking.
She gasped in a loud breath and her eyelids fluttered. I realized that I hadn’t heard the sound of her breathing in a while—longer than was right.
Another ragged breath and her feet struggled to find the floor.
“You…,” she sighed with her eyes still half-closed, “made… me… faint.”
She had actually stopped breathing to kiss me. Probably in a misguided attempt to make things less difficult for me.
“What am I going to do with you?” I half growled. “Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!”
She giggled, choking on her own laughter as her lungs tried to pull in the necessary oxygen. I was still supporting most of her weight.
“So much for being good at everything,” I muttered.
“That’s the problem. You’re too good.” She took a deep breath. “Far, far too good.”
“Do you feel sick?” At least her lips had not gone green. A delicate shade of pink was creeping into them as I watched.
“No,” she answered, her voice stronger. “That wasn’t the same kind of fainting at all. I don’t know what happened.… I think I forgot to breathe.”
I’d noticed.
“I can’t take you anywhere like this,” I grumbled.
She took another breath, and then straightened in my arms. She blinked fast five times, and lifted her chin into its most stubborn position.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was stronger, I had to concede. And the color had already come back into her face. “Your family is going to think I’m insane anyway, what’s the difference?”
I examined her carefully. Her breathing had evened out. Her heart sounded stronger than it had a moment ago. She seemed to be supporting her own weight without difficulty. The roses in her cheeks were getting brighter with every passing second, set off by the vivid blue of her blouse.
“I’m very partial to that color with your skin,” I told her. That made her blush even more intensely.
“Look,” she said, interrupting my scrutiny. “I’m trying really hard not to think about what I’m about to do, so can we go already?”
Her voice was back to normal strength as well.
“And you’re worried, not because you’re headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won’t approve of you, correct?”
She grinned. “That’s right.”
I shook my head. “You’re incredible.”
Her smile widened. She took my hand and pulled me to the door.
I decided it was better to pretend that the driving arrangements were already settled than to ask her about them. I let her lead the way to her truck, and then deftly opened the passenger door for her. She didn’t object in any way; she didn’t even glare at me. I felt this was a promising sign.
While I drove, she sat up alertly and stared out her window, watching the houses race past us. I could see that she was nervous, but I also guessed that she was curious. Once it was clear we were not going to stop at any given house, she lost all interest in it and looked to the next. I wondered how she pictured my home.
As we left the town behind us, she seemed to get more apprehensive. She glanced at me a few times, as if she wanted to ask a question, but when she caught me looking at her, she turned back to the window quickly, her ponytail whipping out behind her. Her toes started tapping against the floor of the truck cab, though I hadn’t put the radio on.
When I turned onto the drive, she sat up straighter, and then her knee was bouncing in time with her toes. Her fingers pressed so tightly against the window frame that their tips turned white.
As the drive wound on and on, she started to frown. And truly, it did look like we were headed somewhere just as remote and uninhabited as the meadow. The stress mark appeared between her brows.
I reached out and brushed her shoulder, and she gave me a strained smile before turning to the window again.
Finally, the drive broke through the last fringe of the forest and onto the lawn. Still in the shade of the big cedars, it didn’t feel like an abrupt change.
It was odd to look at the familiar house and try to imagine how it would appear to new eyes. Esme had excellent taste, so I knew the house was objectively beautiful. But would Bella see a structure that was trapped in time, that belonged to another era, yet was clearly new and strong? As if we’d traveled backward in time to find it, rather than it aging forward to us?
“Wow,” she breathed.
I cut the engine and the following silence strengthened the impression that we could be in another part of history.
“You like it?” I asked.
She glanced at me from the corner of her eye, then looked back to the house. “It… has a certain charm.”
I laughed and tweaked her ponytail, then slid out of the car. Less than a second passed, and I was holding her door open for her.
“Ready?”
“Not even a little bit.” She laughed, breathless. “Let’s go.”
She ran a hand over her hair, searching for tangles.
“You look lovely,” I assured her, and took her hand.
Her palm was moist, and not as warm as usual. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, trying to communicate without words that she was perfectly safe, and everything would be fine.
She started to slow as we walked up the porch steps, and her hand was trembling.
Hesitating would only prolong her unease. I opened the door, already knowing exactly what was on the other side.
My parents were just where their thoughts had placed them in my mind’s eye, and just as Alice had envisioned them. They stood back half a dozen paces from the door, giving Bella some breathing space. Esme was as nervous as Bella seemed to be, though for her, that meant perfect stillness rather than Bella’s agitation. Carlisle’s hand rested on the small of her back in a comforting fashion. He was used to interacting with humans casually, but Esme was shy. It was rare that she ventured out alone to mix with the mortal world. A true homebody, she was quite happy to let the rest of us bring the world back to her as needed.
Bella’s eyes darted around the room, taking it in. She was slightly behind me, as if using my body as a shield. I couldn’t help but feel relaxed inside my home, though I knew it was the opposite for her. I squeezed her hand.
Carlisle smiled warmly at Bella, and Esme quickly followed suit.
“Carlisle, Esme, this is Bella.” I wondered whether Bella heard the note of pride in my voice as I introduced her.
Carlisle moved forward with deliberate slowness. He held out his hand, a little tentative.
“You’re very welcome, Bella.”
Perhaps because she already knew Carlisle, Bella seemed suddenly more comfortable. Looking confident, she stepped forward to meet his advance—while not untangling her fingers from mine—and shook his offered hand without even a wince at the chill. Of course, she was surely used to that by now.
“It’s nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen,” she said, sounding like she really meant it.
Such a brave girl, Esme thought. Oh, she’s darling.
“Please, call me Carlisle.”
Bella beamed. “Carlisle,” she repeated.
Esme joined Carlisle then, moving in the same slow, careful way. She placed one hand on Carlisle’s arm, and extended the other. Bella took it without hesitation, smiling at my mother.
“It’s very nice to know you,” Esme said, affection radiating from her smile.
“Thank you,” Bella said. “I’m glad to meet you, too.”
Though the words were conventional enough on both sides, they both spoke with such earnestness that the exchange carried a deeper significance.
I adore her, Edward! Thank you for bringing her to see me!
I could only smile at Esme’s enthusiasm.
“Where are Alice and Jasper?” I asked, but it was more of a prompt. I could hear them waiting at the top of the stairs, Alice timing her perfect entrance.
My question seemed to be what she was waiting for. “Hey, Edward!” she called as she darted into view. Then she ran—really ran, not in a human way—down the steps and hurtled to a stop just inches from Bella. Carlisle, Esme, and I all froze in surprise, but Bella didn’t so much as flinch, even when Alice sprang forward to kiss her cheek.
I shot her a warning look, but Alice wasn’t paying any attention to me. She was living halfway between this moment and a thousand future moments, exulting in finally getting to begin her friendship. Her feelings were very sweet, but I couldn’t enjoy them. More than half of her yet-to-be memories featured the white, lifeless Bella, so flawless and so cold.
Alice was oblivious to my reaction, focused on Bella.
“You do smell nice,” she commented. “I never noticed before.”
Bella blushed and all three of them looked away.
I tried to think of a way to ease the awkwardness, but then, like magic, there was no awkwardness. I was perfectly comfortable, and I could feel Bella’s tension melt out of her body.
Jasper followed Alice down the stairs, not racing but not moving cautiously like Carlisle and Esme, either. There was no need for him to put on a show. Everything he did seemed natural and right.
In truth, he was laying it on a little thick.
I gave him a sardonic look, and he grinned at me, then stopped by the newel post, leaving what might have felt like an odd distance between himself and the rest of us, but of course it couldn’t feel odd if he didn’t want it to.
“Hello, Bella.”
“Hello, Jasper.” She smiled easily, then looked at Esme and Carlisle. “It’s nice to meet you all—you have a very beautiful home.”
“Thank you,” Esme answered. “We’re so glad that you came.”
Bella glanced at the stairs again, expectant. But I knew there would not be any more introductions this morning.
Esme understood the look as well.
I’m sorry. She wasn’t ready. Emmett’s trying to calm her down.
Should I make excuses for Rosalie? Before I could decide what to say, Carlisle caught my attention.
Edward.
I looked at him automatically. His intensity contrasted with the easy mood Jasper had created.
Alice saw some visitors. Strangers. At the rate they’re moving, they’ll find us tomorrow night. I thought you should know immediately.
I nodded once, my lips pressing into a thin line. What miserable timing. Well, I supposed the silver lining was that I was now free to explain to Bella why I was kidnapping her. She would understand. Charlie wouldn’t. I’d have to figure out the safest, least disruptive plan. Or rather, we would. She would certainly have opinions.
I looked to Alice for a visual clarification, but she was thinking about the weather.
“Do you play?” Esme asked, and I glanced over to see that Bella was eyeing my piano.
Bella shook her head. “Not at all. But it’s so beautiful. Is it yours?”
Esme laughed. “No. Edward didn’t tell you he was musical?”
Bella gave me the strangest look, as if this news was irritating. I wondered why. Did she have a yet undiscovered prejudice against pianists?
“No,” she answered Esme. “I should have known, I guess.”
What does she mean, Edward? Esme wondered, as if I would know the answer. Luckily, her expression was confused enough to compel Bella to explain.
“Edward can do everything,” Bella clarified. “Right?”
Carlisle repressed his amusement, but Jasper laughed out loud. Alice was watching the conversation that would happen twenty seconds from now; this was old news to her.
Esme gave me her best disapproving-mother look. “I hope you haven’t been showing off—it’s rude.”
“Just a bit,” I admitted, laughing, too.
He looks so happy, Esme thought. I’ve never seen him this way. Thank goodness he found her at last.
“He’s been too modest, actually,” Bella disagreed. Her eyes flickered to the piano again.
“Well, play for her,” Esme encouraged.
I shot my mother a betrayed look. “You just said showing off was rude.”
Esme was holding back a laugh of her own. “There are exceptions to every rule.”
If she’s not totally hooked yet, that should do it.
I stared back, deadpan.
“I’d like to hear you play,” Bella volunteered.
“It’s settled then.” Esme put her hand on my shoulder and nudged me toward the piano.
Fine, if that’s what they wanted. I kept Bella’s hand so she would have to join me. This was her idea, after all.
I’d never been self-conscious about my music before—there was never anybody but family or close friends around to hear me, and besides Esme, most of them barely seemed to notice I was playing. So this was a new feeling. Maybe if Esme hadn’t mentioned showing off before, it wouldn’t have felt so forced.
I sat on the bench off-center, pulling Bella down to sit beside me. She smiled at me eagerly. I stared back at her, frowning, hoping she recognized that I was only doing this because she’d asked.
I chose Esme’s song—it was a joyful song, a triumphant song, suited to the day’s mood.
As I began, I watched Bella’s reaction from the corner of my eye. I didn’t need to look at the keys, but I didn’t want to make her feel scrutinized.
After just the first few measures, her mouth fell open.
Jasper laughed again; this time Alice joined him. Bella stiffened, but didn’t turn. Her eyes narrowed, her gaze never leaving my fingers, chasing them as they moved across the keys.
I heard Alice skip to the stairs at the same time that Carlisle thought, Well, that’s probably enough of us for now. We don’t want to overwhelm her.
Esme was disappointed, but she followed Alice upstairs. They would all pretend that this was just a normal day, that it was nothing momentous to have a human inside our house. One by one, they flitted away to the tasks they would have been pursuing if I hadn’t brought the mortal home.
Bella was still entirely focused on the motion of my hands, but I thought she was not… as eager as before? Her brows were pressing down over her eyes. I didn’t understand her expression.
I tried to cheer her, turning my head to catch her attention and winking once. That usually made her smile.
“Do you like it?” I asked.
Her head tilted to the side and then something seemed to occur to her. Her eyes grew huge again.
“You wrote this?” she said, her tone strangely accusatory.
I nodded and added, “It’s Esme’s favorite,” like an apology, though I wasn’t sure what I was trying to excuse.
Bella stared at me, strangely forlorn. Her eyes closed, and her head rocked slowly from side to side.
“What’s wrong?” I implored.
She opened her eyes and finally smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile.
“I’m feeling extremely insignificant,” she admitted.
I was stunned for a moment. I supposed Esme’s earlier words about showing off were the crux of the matter. Her idea that my music would win over whichever corners of Bella’s heart remained ambivalent was obviously misguided.
How to explain that all these things I could do, things that came with such ridiculous ease because of what I was, were entirely meaningless? They didn’t make me special or superior. How to show her that everything I was had never been enough to make me worthy of her? That she was the lofty goal I’d been trying to reach for so long?