Owing to so many incarnations in which they sacrificed their
own identity for the sake of supporting others, Aries North Node
people enter this lifetime without an inborn sense of identity.
Rediscovering and re-establishing a true sense of self is now a
primary need. Especially in the early years, their entire sense of self
is based on how others see them. They may go along with others’
definition of who they are, or resist it completely. Regardless, it is
not their identity—it’s a reaction to others’ construct of who they
are. To begin the path to self-discovery, they need to ask
themselves: “Who am I . . . apart from others’ projections?” They
will find an answer only by looking inside themselves.
SELF-AWARENESS
To answer their need for self-awareness, it would be helpful for
these folks to begin “checking in” with themselves on a regular
basis. When they’re not in touch with themselves, they often end up
acting in extremes. With others, they feel they have to be a
lightbearer—loving, supportive, and self-sacrificing all the time.
This represses the part of themselves that cannot possibly be that
way all the time, which creates an intense polarity.
They’re trying to always be loving and supportive because that’s
the role they played in past lives, but the extremity of this positive
role will also evoke the depths of darkness. If they take a closer
look at the darkness, they’ll see that it’s really just their more
assertive side, which they haven’t allowed themselves to express.
It’s part of their yang nature—their masculine side. It’s polarized
because it has been suppressed over so many past lives that it’s not
integrated with the rest of the personality. So it may come out in a
very intense way, which causes Aries North Nodes to become
embarrassed and think: “Where did that come from?”
The best resolution is to stay congruent with themselves: Stay
inside their own energy field and stay in touch with what’s going on
within them. Then, when they are upset, just spontaneously
communicate: “Gosh, for some reason I feel upset about this.” Their
job is to simply be themselves. When they first experiment with
this, they may feel uncomfortable; but they need to trust that since
their underlying motive is love, whatever comes out is going to be
fundamentally correct.
Aries North Node people are learning to take charge, do what
they need to do for themselves, and become self-sufficient by
following their desires. When they feel an impulse to do something
that they know would bring them a sense of satisfaction, they need
to follow through with it. Owing to the self-purification
accomplished in past lives, they can trust that their impulses are not
harmful to others and, in fact, signal the direction in which they
need to go. In every area of life, the idea is to operate freely on their
first impulse of what action would be best in any situation. Any
resistance from the ego should be disregarded. In this way, they
maintain a balance with others that is based on authenticity and
taking responsibility for themselves.
Since these folks are not innately aware of the value of selfsufficiency, they don’t realize how much others value it. They may
evoke a negative response when they start supporting someone who
hasn’t asked for their help. They enter the other person’s force field
and find out what he or she is feeling and thinking. It’s fine for them
to be aware of others’ needs, but they are learning that others have
boundaries and that they themselves have boundaries as well. As
they learn to respect others’ self-sufficiency, they begin to value
self-sufficiency for themselves.
Aries North Node people tend to be reactionary when they see
other people taking care of themselves. They become judgmental
and think that others are self-involved, uncaring, and selfish. Yet
becoming involved with themselves is the very thing these folks
need to do! It bothers them when they see it in others, because
they’re not doing it themselves. When they notice “selfishness” in
others, they could use it as a reminder to check in with their own
needs. They must begin giving attention to themselves, even if at
first they go a bit to extremes.
They might begin by allotting 30 to 40 minutes of solitude for
themselves every day, no matter what. In a room by themselves
with no interference from the outside world, they might have a cup
of tea and plan their day, write in their journal, read an inspiring
book, or just sit and reflect. The point is, it’s their time; during that
time, they come first. If they arrange that one thing for themselves,
they will be able to give to others all day long without becoming
resentful. Paying conscious attention to their breathing also helps: It
keeps them in touch with their bodies. When they are with others,
they could consciously take a deep breath from time to time to keep
themselves inside their own boundaries.
Some nodal groups are here to learn about selflessness. But Aries
North Nodes already know about selflessness—in this lifetime they
need to learn about selfishness. When they stay in touch with
themselves, it works for everyone. It’s not logical, but it’s practical.
When they’re being themselves they’re afraid they may hurt others,
whereas being themselves actually helps others on a deeper level
than they could have anticipated. But Aries North Nodes have to
experiment with being “selfish” (that is, acting on an idea solely
because it gives them a sense of satisfaction) and see how it works
out. It’s time for them to be responsible for creating their own
happiness.
From past lives, Aries North Node people are accustomed to
helping others, supporting others’ ideas, and carrying others’
projects through to completion—so they understand “completion
energy.” However, in this incarnation their job is to start things.
They need to initiate and then let others carry on. If others don’t
come along to help, then it’s fine for them to take sole
responsibility. But if others do show up, their job is to allow others
to support them and complete things for them, so they can get the
ball rolling on the next idea!
Sometimes these folks don’t want to give their project to others
because they fear someone else will get the recognition. They think
that if someone else can do it, they are less valuable. They also
worry that others will take over and leave them behind. They ask
themselves: “What do I do then? What is my job? Where is my
importance?”
These reactions are an outgrowth of painful misunderstandings
that arise when Aries North Node people comingle their identity
with others. To restore their equilibrium, they need to separate
themselves so they can clearly see the role they are playing and the
roles other people are playing. Then they can feel their worth in
discovering the seed idea, and let other people bring the idea to
fruition.
Sometimes their desire for taking credit and gaining recognition
becomes so strong that they repel the creative energy of others who
might have made the idea better and more profitable. If Aries North
Nodes’ idea is truly potent, other people will be drawn to support it,
and each will bring his or her special talents. If Aries North Node
people want their own ideas to become reality, they must
acknowledge the individual talents of the people they have
attracted. By recognizing others’ special talents, they can learn to
validate others without diminishing themselves.
Occasionally, Aries North Node people become so preoccupied
with getting the credit that they try to diminish the importance of
others’ contributions. They want all the credit. Of course, if they
want all the credit they have to take all the responsibility and do all
the work, so a lot of their ideas never bear fruit. They need to
realize that the most important thing is that their original idea gets
recognition—that the seed idea is actualized and spread to the
widest possible audience. For that to happen, they need to step out
of the way and allow others to help. This is a role reversal for Aries
North Nodes; they are the leaders but must allow others to support
them and promote their ideas.
Since it’s their destiny to develop a sense of identity in this
lifetime, in a way their desire for recognition is an attempt to
establish a sense of self. However, motive determines the result. If
their motive is satisfaction and self-discovery, it is correct and they
will win. If their motive is to win recognition from others, then
they’re still hooked on needing feedback for their sense of selfworth. They need to release the idea that others must recognize
them in order for them to recognize themselves, and begin directly
giving themselves credit. The irony is that when they let go of
control and begin recognizing the special talents of those who are
helping them, others will be inspired to contribute more and the
entire project will be permeated with love. And no one else can do
their job—they are discovering the seed ideas for everyone else to
build on.
Aries North Node people need a grounded, structured existence
to enable them to share their message of love with the world. The
key is in releasing preconceived images of the ways in which love
can be expressed. If they limit the way they express themselves to
fit their ideas of love (harmonious, gentle, sensitive, caring, giving,
compassionate, etc.), they’re going to miss the boat, because love
extends beyond the boundaries of any definitions. If a child is
crossing the street in the path of an oncoming car, love may involve
grabbing the child’s arm and roughly jerking him out of the way!
These folks already know that love is the only reality and all else
is illusion. Thus, they are learning to trust that their impulses will be
the correct expression of love in each situation. When these natives
follow the feelings of love and appreciation within themselves, they
are being themselves. However, they need to be grounded with the
energy so that it’s a solid place for them, rather than a state of being
that allows them to be pushed around by others.
Aries North Node people have a need to experience this love with
others. Their challenge is to maintain the integrity of their own
inner being. The irony is that being just the way they are will teach
others and evoke feelings of love. To do this, these folks must give
up trying to manipulate the other person’s view of them and focus
instead on being themselves with as much authenticity and integrity
as possible in each moment. It seems hard at first, and it takes
discipline and gently reminding themselves to practice their new
focus. But ultimately, they can only come from an honest, selfless
place by staying true to themselves.
One thing that helps these folks stay grounded is to be aware of
their bodies—allowing their bodies to be a natural boundary that
gives them a sense of self. They have a tendency to “get into” other
people’s consciousness and lose a sense of their own center. So it’s
healthy for them to exercise regularly in order to stay more
grounded and experience the feeling of balance and harmony they
need.
Having a routine is also good for them—it is a way to check in
with themselves every day. It can be very mundane: making the bed
first thing in the morning, brewing coffee, opening the blinds,
following a daily exercise routine, meditating, preparing a healthy
breakfast, walking the dog. Their tendency is to make the bed one
day, the next day partially make the bed, the third day not make it at
all, the fourth day—make it—maybe!
Inconsistency and lack of routine undermine their personal
strength, so daily consistency in the routine is important.
Additionally, they could have a weekly routine or ritual: Once a
week they go to their place of worship, or meet the same group of
friends for lunch. This will counter their tendency to feel victimized
by the randomness of life; it will give them a sense of structure and
discipline emanating from within. Rather than floating in and out of
other people’s energy and consciousness, a routine helps enhance
their own identity.
However, Aries North Node people despise routine, and for good
reason. In past lives, having a routine would make them less
available to support others whenever they were needed. They didn’t
develop their own routines—their own life—so they could more
easily adjust to others’ needs. But in this incarnation, it is to their
advantage to develop strong routines and allow others to adapt to
them. Also, having their own routines keeps them from falling into
other people’s routines. The discipline this develops is
strengthening for them: It evokes the warrior in them, and they feel
great about it!
Exploring hobbies and talents is also a good way to develop a
sense of self. As Aries North Node people spend time on their own
interests, apart from their primary relationship, their identity
blossoms. They need to develop these talents through consistent
application: regularly taking the time to do the things that bring a
sense of personal satisfaction. For example, if they have artistic
talents, they might enroll in an art class. If their talent is music, they
might take lessons. If they love dancing, they might take dance
lessons and/or go dancing regularly with their partner or friends.
Aries North Nodes’ sense of being grounded involves selfdiscipline. Everything that will work to their advantage requires
discipline: spending time alone on a daily basis, following a few
self-chosen routines to make their lives strong, and remembering to
appreciate themselves.
One experiment that will help these folks practice self-discipline
and checking in with themselves is to become aware of their eating
habits. The idea is to not eat unconsciously (out of boredom or to
cope with feelings) but to notice when their bodies are hungry and
then tune in to what their bodies would like to eat. They can use
visualization in this. They can imagine having a bite of salad and
notice how their bodies feel in response. If they imagine soup in
their mouths, or a sandwich, or fruit, or mashed potatoes, they can
tell how their bodies will respond.
Aries North Node people are so sensitive that when they visualize
eating a particular food, their bodies will actually tell them whether
that food will make them feel good, or sluggish, or energetic. Then
they can eat depending on what they want to experience at the time.
But they are so “out of touch” with themselves that even this
process may be challenging at first. They may have to work on it;
yet when they do it, it’s very satisfying and will strengthen their
connection with themselves.
Self-discipline is not a punishment, it’s a practice. It involves
strengthening the “take-charge” muscles and doing things on a
habitual basis that promote strength, health, and well-being. These
folks can use self-discipline as a tool to uncover their identity.
Consciously practicing self-discipline will evoke the warrior within
them in a balanced, harmonious way.
On a spiritual level, Aries North Node people are discovering
who they really are—allowing a new, innate, and natural identity to
emerge. How ever, sometimes they can use their lack of clear
identity to their advantage in breaking troublesome habits. One easy
way for these folks to practice self-discipline is through simply
reinventing their identity. Since they have no preconceived, rigid
perception of themselves, by changing their identity in their own
minds they can make healthy changes in their lives. For example, I
had a client with this nodal position who wasn’t a smoker in his
youth, but who began smoking heavily five years prior to my seeing
him. One day he suddenly stopped smoking, with no side effects or
withdrawal symptoms. He simply “remembered himself” as a
nonsmoker!
Aries North Node people have had so many lifetimes of
identifying with others that they have confused their “center”—their
inner sense of self—with that of their partner. They are
hypersensitive to the partner’s moods because the other person
actually rests at their “center.” Thus, if the partner is unhappy or
dissatisfied, Aries North Node will feel it. He can spend all his time
and energy trying to make his partner happy so that his own sense
of well-being and contentment remains undisturbed.
The problem is that nobody can take on the responsibility for
making another person happy. The best one can do is “appease” the
partner, adding an ingredient that will temporarily change her
mood; but the partner must then constantly be appeased in order to
stay happy. And it just isn’t set up to work that way for Aries North
Nodes in this lifetime.
Actually, the growth required of them is best achieved by deemphasizing the idea that relationships are necessary for their
survival. They are learning to stand alone and relate to others from a
new perspective. However, despite their sensitivity, these folks are
often blissfully ignorant about other people: what motivates them,
what they are seeking, and what kind of success they would like to
achieve. Sometimes they only see the other person (and themselves)
on the superficial level of having immediate needs and desires that
are, or are not, satisfied. They only see deeply enough into the other
person’s identity to manipulate him into keeping the mood
harmonious. This is why people surprise or disappoint Aries North
Nodes—they never saw who the other person really was.
In many ways, Aries North Node people are not relating to the
other person at all—they are relating to the relationship between
themselves and the other person. This does not lead to truly helping
their partner—or themselves—to grow. The relationship is not an
entity; it cannot grow unless the two individuals grow. Thus, no
matter how much time and energy these folks devote to the
relationship, it cannot give back to them. So they are better off
examining the needs for autonomy and individual creative
expression of both partners. By encouraging and inspiring the other
person to achieve results on his or her own, they free both the
partner and themselves to evolve as individuals.
Another drawback to Aries North Nodes’ focusing on the
relationship rather than on the other individual is that they can’t
really validate their partners’ identity. When Aries North Node
people believe in their partners’ ability to be self-sufficient—rather
than constantly appeasing them, reassuring them, or “picking up the
slack”—they will begin to notice the other person’s strengths and
can encourage him or her to exercise those strengths. This sets the
stage for also seeing themselves on a deeper level, noticing their
own strengths and pursuing their own impulses for growth.
Aries North Node people are preoccupied with ideals of justice
and fairness; when they think something is unjust, they fly off the
handle. They want the world and other people to meet their rigid
standards. They figure: “I’ll play fair with others, and others should
play fair with me.” These folks sincerely wish the world were more
just, but it’s actually in their best interest that it doesn’t work that
way! Because their ideas of justice don’t work, they are motivated
to act directly from their instincts—their identity—as opposed to
“being nice.” For many incarnations they’ve been waiting for a time
when it’s okay to be themselves—and this is it!
In this lifetime their sense of fairness and justice is not an
accurate barometer of whether these folks are on track or whether
they have a right to be angry with another. In fact, whenever they
“get on their high horse” about injustice or fairness, they are off
path. First, their definition of “fair” has a lot to do with the fact that
they sacrifice their needs and desires for others—they constantly
violate the boundaries of how much they can give without loss to
self. Then, in “fairness,” they expect others to do the same. These
natives are learning to stop violating their own natural limits and to
not entice others to go beyond their boundaries.
Aries North Node people become resentful if they think
something isn’t fair. If they feel resentment, it’s a signal to pull back
and recharge. It also signals a need to express their emotions: “I
seem to be feeling resentful, so I’m going to take some time by
myself and work it out.”
Honest expression validates and strengthens their sense of
identity. It also gives the other person a chance to become aware of
Aries North Node’s needs and boundaries. From the other person’s
response, the native has a clearer idea of who he is dealing with. If
the other person says: “Did I say something that offended you?”
Aries North Node has the opportunity to work it out on the spot. He
cannot expect others to be as sensitive as he is, since others have
had different past life experiences. But once he openly expresses
himself, he can tell from the other’s response how much selfassertion will be necessary before the other person hears him and
honors his needs.
Aries North Node people are learning to be assertive in a
constructive way that promotes fairness through clear selfexpression. For example, I had an Aries North Node client who was
in the process of purchasing—through rather large monthly
payments—some real estate from a friend of hers. One day the
friend approached her with a need for money for an unexpected
problem, and my client immediately gave her the money (the
instinctive Aries North Node desire to help and share). She assumed
the other person would either repay it or deduct the amount from
her next payment. However, her friend never repaid or
acknowledged that money in any way. My client felt hurt and
resentful but never brought the matter up. Naturally, she
emotionally distanced herself from her onetime friend.
This type of incident seems to occur frequently in Aries North
Node peoples’ lives; as a consequence, they feel let down by others.
From a broader point of view, this is life’s way of teaching these
folks to assert themselves. They need to take responsibility for
themselves in their interactions with others. In the example, when
the friend approached her, my client could have said: “Sure—I’ll
just take the amount off my next payment, or I could take a third off
on the next three payments, or, what will work for you?” In this
way, she would have satisfied her need to share and taken care of
herself in a direct, honest, fair way.
Aries North Node people truly do love to give—it’s their nature.
But their motive needs to be love, not creating co-dependence.
Their giving must be pure, without an expectation of result, in order
for them to be free of disappointment in their relationships. If they
find they are giving in an imbalanced way, they can openly bargain
with their partner so that both people’s needs are equitably met. It’s
when they expect others to reciprocate, without letting them know
exactly what they expect, that they go off track—they need to give
their silent expectations a voice!
It’s their job to be sure things are fair by asserting themselves and
letting others know what they expect in return for their giving. If
they do this they will feel happy because they were the ones who
ensured that fairness came about. This builds their confidence.
Rather than being displeased with others, they will be pleased with
themselves.
Since they are the ones who know about fairness, they can teach
others by openly stating their standards. Then they are not only
giving to the other person but also sharing their knowledge of how
to give and take in relationships.
These folks can access the fresh energy that is emerging in this
lifetime through honest self-assertion—not by waiting and reacting
to the expectations of others, but by getting in touch with (and
expressing) the impulses of their own being. Even though their
sensitivity to others is strong, they must continue to build a sense of
their own identity. Through practicing self-sufficiency a new
confidence will emerge, empowering them to relate to others in
healthy, innovative ways.